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And suddenly...
12 years ago
I realized. I had overcome you. The feelings you had left in me had long ago vanished. There was no longer love, adoration, and loathing left in me. The feelings which I had so desperately wanted to hold on to had been wiped clean. It was like when one attempts to write a note on a dry erase board. The note I wanted to etch into my heart slowly vanished, and all that remained of the memory was a clean whiteboard, which had once held beautiful, terrifying art. I realized many things on my own and from talks with the people you had once called friend. Most of all, I realized you were probably a really shitty, clingy, parasite of a person, and no amount of good memories will ever dissuade me from that. I realized that the best way to let go, was to actually let go.
Occasionally, I would run into something of yours, since after all, we were in the same circles. I would get this funny feeling in my gut, and I would swear I could hear a strange woosh in my head, and I felt like I was falling. And I guess that's all that remains. A hollow where you used to be. It's almost sad. Almost, I always remind myself. Like a fading dream that fades further into light. Sometimes I like to imagine that the distance between us never occurred, and that we'd still talk about the dumb things we talked about. I used to wish you happiness, but now I wish you meaning. That is much more lasting than happiness, but there's hardly any reason for me to think of these things. All you are now is a what if scenario. As for me, I'm still childish, and there's still that one guy who loves me, that I guess I love too.
...Sometimes I wonder whether he's just pessimistic or really realistic. Is there even a difference? Just the other day, he looked me up, turning up like a lost pet. I was happy I was remembered, but the moment was sorta spoiled by his red rocket. The smut that was the groundwork for our relationship a largas. I'd forgotten how kinky we were with each other, when lonely pangs would make me call out to him, and how I'd cry myself at night, desiring for the intimacy of his body, his warmth next to me. I still smile at the thought.
I still smile.
As much as I'd like to keep barfing up the things one thinks about on a hot Friday night, it's time to sleep. I find myself wishing I had a clapper...
Pleasant dreams everyone.
Occasionally, I would run into something of yours, since after all, we were in the same circles. I would get this funny feeling in my gut, and I would swear I could hear a strange woosh in my head, and I felt like I was falling. And I guess that's all that remains. A hollow where you used to be. It's almost sad. Almost, I always remind myself. Like a fading dream that fades further into light. Sometimes I like to imagine that the distance between us never occurred, and that we'd still talk about the dumb things we talked about. I used to wish you happiness, but now I wish you meaning. That is much more lasting than happiness, but there's hardly any reason for me to think of these things. All you are now is a what if scenario. As for me, I'm still childish, and there's still that one guy who loves me, that I guess I love too.
...Sometimes I wonder whether he's just pessimistic or really realistic. Is there even a difference? Just the other day, he looked me up, turning up like a lost pet. I was happy I was remembered, but the moment was sorta spoiled by his red rocket. The smut that was the groundwork for our relationship a largas. I'd forgotten how kinky we were with each other, when lonely pangs would make me call out to him, and how I'd cry myself at night, desiring for the intimacy of his body, his warmth next to me. I still smile at the thought.
I still smile.
As much as I'd like to keep barfing up the things one thinks about on a hot Friday night, it's time to sleep. I find myself wishing I had a clapper...
Pleasant dreams everyone.
