God Damn Dragon...
I hauled the off the rim tire to walmart and got them to put it back on and re-inflate it for freaking free, thanks  mrmaxwell. Then I got a coat hanger and slowly rolled down the window as it was the only handle I could reach, then after letting Ezra know what was up I changed the tire.
I was pouring rain by the way...until I was done anyway.
I trudge through rain to overcome what was the dumbest combination of things outside of my co-workers. Yay.

And you never realize how far a ten minute drive is until you walk it.