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What a year - make that two - can do to you
12 years ago
I have learned to share, so i am telling everyone - even if you weren't part of it... I'm also telling everyone, because it is truly amazing on what it takes to come in, start over, and to trade in the old for the new and to keep on making it new. Here are my "short stories" to give a better understanding on what i mean and what all of this is about.
Aug 18th 2011, sometime in the morning: My first time stepping foot into college - Illinois State Unv, with barely a health heart to start out with. Meaning all i cared about was the freedom of being away from my parents.
I moved in and was happy as free bird, but depressed as a lonely stray.
The glow fest and after: I went there on my own, out of boredom. But who would of guessed that I would end up meeting two out six - i meet them later - coolest people in the world! Only, during that time, i never thought they would even end up being my friends - or even more to speak of - in all honesty, as of now, i cannot but think that i am the luckest girl in the world. But before i could say that, back then, after ending the year, i couldn't help, but to think that i did not deserve them at all, because i was selfish to one of them - making him fall in love with me by making him worry about me because of my selfless thoughts to the end of my heart and mind. I always seemed demanding to one of them as i rant about life, every time i was upset. I used the oh im sorry look, if i mad them mad or something, just to get away with it. I made another feel bad so I wouldn't go back to dorm alone at night. Then not to mention, because of therapy sharing on how i felt became a habit - sometimes i wish i didn't as i have never spread a tear in my life until then - and made me thing that all i was doing was bothering them. So why in the world did they even bother to stick around, i asked myself, sometimes.
The show and the end: In like around Oct i joined circus. In April circus put on one of the best shows that i always remember, perhaps it is because i really enjoy life of the backstage, boy was i very sad when it was all over. I got even more sad when school ended, because I was finally understanding why I had six most amazing guys on my side, never quitting, teaching me on how to go be beyond what i see and to find my way one my own. To that reason, my other learnings - education - was to late to be learned and I had move on to another place.
The other place: Year two comes along, now at College of Dupage. Before I entered, I thanked all of them with my heart and appreciated everything to have done for me, i still do - i cannot tell anyone about them without giving out a few tears - and i always will. I also apologized, and as i did, i learned that my actions where not horrible, as for every action there was a reaction, and that was more learning experience to add in there lives, and where not mad on the things that i did.I was surprised. Confused - at first - also. Nonetheless, my steps to COD - the start of year 2 - where noticeable right away, and i met some more people - much more, only, for the most part, as acquaintance - i was amazed. There is when i realized that, the six guys who helped me, i was never alone, even if we where apart, as they where in me and that's when i was able to see that i wanted to change for the better and to fine who i am and be that person, to start it all was by using the greatest experiences i had with all of them. This is because the one who i made worry the most told me that not only can i learn from the stories he would tell me but from my experiences, my stories that i tell others, as well, and i have been keeping that in mind - and a lot my lessons - ever sense.
End of this years finals: Tuesday, May 7th, took my last final at 2pm. From someone who thought about ending , to someone who knows how to smile, of the truth - no mask - and gliches there and then - going back to being depressed... - and for someone who loves her for being her, no tricks this time around, as she (I) still learn my ways of who i am and what i can pick up in education. I have no dubt in my mind to understand how lucky i am to know people, such as these guys, in my life. Not to mention that he is helping to build more of me with education. Which brings it back to having the greatest feeling to be the luckest girl in the world. That i hope they read this, to know how much each one of them means to me. I wish i could see them, to show that i have grown and to let them know that im still growing into being someone so much more.
I miss all of you!
Aug 18th 2011, sometime in the morning: My first time stepping foot into college - Illinois State Unv, with barely a health heart to start out with. Meaning all i cared about was the freedom of being away from my parents.
I moved in and was happy as free bird, but depressed as a lonely stray.
The glow fest and after: I went there on my own, out of boredom. But who would of guessed that I would end up meeting two out six - i meet them later - coolest people in the world! Only, during that time, i never thought they would even end up being my friends - or even more to speak of - in all honesty, as of now, i cannot but think that i am the luckest girl in the world. But before i could say that, back then, after ending the year, i couldn't help, but to think that i did not deserve them at all, because i was selfish to one of them - making him fall in love with me by making him worry about me because of my selfless thoughts to the end of my heart and mind. I always seemed demanding to one of them as i rant about life, every time i was upset. I used the oh im sorry look, if i mad them mad or something, just to get away with it. I made another feel bad so I wouldn't go back to dorm alone at night. Then not to mention, because of therapy sharing on how i felt became a habit - sometimes i wish i didn't as i have never spread a tear in my life until then - and made me thing that all i was doing was bothering them. So why in the world did they even bother to stick around, i asked myself, sometimes.
The show and the end: In like around Oct i joined circus. In April circus put on one of the best shows that i always remember, perhaps it is because i really enjoy life of the backstage, boy was i very sad when it was all over. I got even more sad when school ended, because I was finally understanding why I had six most amazing guys on my side, never quitting, teaching me on how to go be beyond what i see and to find my way one my own. To that reason, my other learnings - education - was to late to be learned and I had move on to another place.
The other place: Year two comes along, now at College of Dupage. Before I entered, I thanked all of them with my heart and appreciated everything to have done for me, i still do - i cannot tell anyone about them without giving out a few tears - and i always will. I also apologized, and as i did, i learned that my actions where not horrible, as for every action there was a reaction, and that was more learning experience to add in there lives, and where not mad on the things that i did.I was surprised. Confused - at first - also. Nonetheless, my steps to COD - the start of year 2 - where noticeable right away, and i met some more people - much more, only, for the most part, as acquaintance - i was amazed. There is when i realized that, the six guys who helped me, i was never alone, even if we where apart, as they where in me and that's when i was able to see that i wanted to change for the better and to fine who i am and be that person, to start it all was by using the greatest experiences i had with all of them. This is because the one who i made worry the most told me that not only can i learn from the stories he would tell me but from my experiences, my stories that i tell others, as well, and i have been keeping that in mind - and a lot my lessons - ever sense.
End of this years finals: Tuesday, May 7th, took my last final at 2pm. From someone who thought about ending , to someone who knows how to smile, of the truth - no mask - and gliches there and then - going back to being depressed... - and for someone who loves her for being her, no tricks this time around, as she (I) still learn my ways of who i am and what i can pick up in education. I have no dubt in my mind to understand how lucky i am to know people, such as these guys, in my life. Not to mention that he is helping to build more of me with education. Which brings it back to having the greatest feeling to be the luckest girl in the world. That i hope they read this, to know how much each one of them means to me. I wish i could see them, to show that i have grown and to let them know that im still growing into being someone so much more.
I miss all of you!
Link4
~link4
I've learned that real learning is a very very hard thing to do, and you've been working very hard to do it. I'm glad I was there to help you on your way.
Kala711
~kala711
OP
I owe it, for the most part, all to you on the idea of working hard, especially during circus, and as always, I'll always be thankful for your service and that i cannot thank-you enough.
