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Caveman Clubs
12 years ago
One of those stupid things I think about sometimes, where do "caveman clubs" come from?
You know the ones, most real clubs look more like batons, or generally more elegant then the classic caveman club. native Americans and Polynesians seem to put a lot of pride into them:
http://faculty.umf.maine.edu/walter.....s-war-club.jpg
http://www.jps.auckland.ac.nz/docs/.....2insert3_a.jpg
http://whs.steamkite.com/sites/defa.....DSC_0027_3.JPG
closest thing is Australian, but even this is carved and polished:
http://www.swordsantiqueweapons.com.....mages/s372.jpg
I'm talking about this though:
http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l.....pzp8o1_500.jpg
Roughly teardrop shaped, made of wood, presumably a log but rounded at the top. Sometimes a branch sticks out. Every self-respecting caveman uses one, and occasionally you see them used by trolls, or even more rarely a cyclops. The last thing it communicates is "wood working" though.
The problem is that logs generally don't look like that, and if they can't be carved because they still look rough in shape. In fact they're usually drawn in such a way that they're plucked directly from the land with minimal craft put into them.
Two theories based on two things shaped like that in nature: Either they're cypress stumps, or penis bones. Caveman in cartoons were actually beating people up with penis bones.
Ok time for bed
You know the ones, most real clubs look more like batons, or generally more elegant then the classic caveman club. native Americans and Polynesians seem to put a lot of pride into them:
http://faculty.umf.maine.edu/walter.....s-war-club.jpg
http://www.jps.auckland.ac.nz/docs/.....2insert3_a.jpg
http://whs.steamkite.com/sites/defa.....DSC_0027_3.JPG
closest thing is Australian, but even this is carved and polished:
http://www.swordsantiqueweapons.com.....mages/s372.jpg
I'm talking about this though:
http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l.....pzp8o1_500.jpg
Roughly teardrop shaped, made of wood, presumably a log but rounded at the top. Sometimes a branch sticks out. Every self-respecting caveman uses one, and occasionally you see them used by trolls, or even more rarely a cyclops. The last thing it communicates is "wood working" though.
The problem is that logs generally don't look like that, and if they can't be carved because they still look rough in shape. In fact they're usually drawn in such a way that they're plucked directly from the land with minimal craft put into them.
Two theories based on two things shaped like that in nature: Either they're cypress stumps, or penis bones. Caveman in cartoons were actually beating people up with penis bones.
Ok time for bed
In those dimly lit Caveman's clubs, full of smoke from fires and loinclothed men, The dark of night for them to hang out and brag about their club and the animal it brought down, now roasting on the fire, was there to inspire the artistry of the hunt on the wall.
The club they used was indeed a penis bone by all accounts, as the Neanderthal was, well, hung.
They used their penis bones to attract a mate. No better way to get laid than to slap that puppy around and knock out a female and then use it on her. Secondary was food gathering as that poor predecessor to a deer never saw that boner coming till it was too late.
(Side note) Modern Male genitalia piercing is a throwback to the unfortunate Neanderthal that tried to take out a Stag and got pierced with a horn.
These seedy clubs while thought a blight on modern politeness yet to be seen in the Pleistocene Epoch had a charm however.
It forever deemed the term "having wood" as the answer to success, and man still enjoys his wood to this day.
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(And you think you need sleep) 8-P