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Recent thoughts on my mind
12 years ago
(Disclaimer: so yeah, this got a bit longer than expected, and I probably rambled a bit, so be warned xD)
Honestly I have no idea how to even start this, or what to even really say. I've just had some thoughts on my mind recently.
I guess in general all my thoughts center around things like being little, what it means, how much of a part of life is it, things that might be missing, and the search we all of through of trying to find ways to feel a little more complete in life.
I have some friends who are poly amorous. For one of them, that's always sort of been how some of their relationships were. More than just two people, but still just as real of a relationship. Eventually they started to come to more of a realisation that what they were doing, it wasn't just what they liked, but it was more of who they were. It was a part of them, and to discover that and now openly express that as just a part of them, they felt so much happier and understanding of their own life.
And that's the whole general thought cloud that's been on my mind. Not the poly part, but the other point, about things being a part of you.
Another friend, recently, was talking a little bit about their own relationship and life, and how things are for them. In their relationship, they are a pet to their lover. And to them, that's what makes them feel really happy. They love it, and couldn't imagine any way else to be with the one they love. It makes them feel happy, and complete, and loved. It's not a sexual kink thing, it's just a romantic part of their relationship.
And that's where everything now sort of comes to my own thoughts. Seeing all my friends go through these experiences, and thinking about them a bit, and I guess sort of reflecting on things and thinking about my own life. Something that I've started to think on and come to realise, is this whole being little thing. I'll be honest, when I first got into this stuff, it kind of was a sexual kink for me. I liked being padded, it felt good, and it turned me on. I used to say I'd never be a babyfur, too. But then slowly I got into it more and more, and it became a thing. But it was a different thing, a more innocent thing, not just a turn on. And for a while, I became scared of that side, and didn't always have the most amount of acceptance around me, so I suppressed it all.
Later I come to realise that all of that suppressing of things, and holding back on it all, and denying that it was there, actually seemed to be a little more hurtful and damaging than I ever thought. Just trying to hide every did no help. So I finally slowly started to begin to learn how to express myself again, and be accepting and open of things about myself, and the more open I got with it, and the more I tried to tap into that side and express it, the happier I became. I realised that it was really just a part of me. Not just a hobby, not a kink, not a sexual thrill, not an escape, but an actual part of me as a whole, my personality, who I was, who I am. Deep in part of my personality, being that was really just sort of a part of my whole being.
And now that's what my thoughts are stuck on. How much things may be a part of me, and how my life could feel a little more complete. This is also where I'm not really sure what to say anymore. For the whole pet thing mentioned above, that used to be a real big thing to me. I really always liked the idea a lot. But unfortunately, not all people are good, which I had to learn. I got hurt pretty bad in some pretty bad ways, and it scared me away from doing that sort of thing anymore. But you know, a lot of furries have master/pet relationships, or you read stories on it all, and it's all just sexual. truly, in that kind of relationship as a serious thing, a big part of it should be love, and trust for another person. Just, think of how you'd treat an actual pet of yours that was an animal. You'd love them, take care of them, teach them things, and always have them there to smile and be happy, to give you their undying love and loyalty and affection, and also give you complete trust in feeling you know what's good for them. And you help guide each other, and to grow and learn.
But like I said, I got scared away from all of that, and now I'm just a leetle babzu. But is it who I really am? As you know, the babyfur equivalent to all of that would be with a little one and a caretaker; a mommy, a daddy, etc.. And my train of thought keeps stopping here. I guess I'm just trying to think, is that what I need in my life? Is that a big part of what's missing? Having someone fill that special roll for me, and offer me love and guidance in a special way, a deep meaning way that we both connect to, because we understand each other in that way. Two people to fill in these weird rolls, for each other, for both of them, to help them both understand and grow a bit more, and be there to help and guide each other.
So yeah...that's it for now.
(edit: Sorry I lost my train of thought a lot. I think part of it is just not knowing how to put it all into words. These are also things and topics I wouldn't mind discussing with people sometime. I think I also just feel really confused about myself lately.)
Honestly I have no idea how to even start this, or what to even really say. I've just had some thoughts on my mind recently.
I guess in general all my thoughts center around things like being little, what it means, how much of a part of life is it, things that might be missing, and the search we all of through of trying to find ways to feel a little more complete in life.
I have some friends who are poly amorous. For one of them, that's always sort of been how some of their relationships were. More than just two people, but still just as real of a relationship. Eventually they started to come to more of a realisation that what they were doing, it wasn't just what they liked, but it was more of who they were. It was a part of them, and to discover that and now openly express that as just a part of them, they felt so much happier and understanding of their own life.
And that's the whole general thought cloud that's been on my mind. Not the poly part, but the other point, about things being a part of you.
Another friend, recently, was talking a little bit about their own relationship and life, and how things are for them. In their relationship, they are a pet to their lover. And to them, that's what makes them feel really happy. They love it, and couldn't imagine any way else to be with the one they love. It makes them feel happy, and complete, and loved. It's not a sexual kink thing, it's just a romantic part of their relationship.
And that's where everything now sort of comes to my own thoughts. Seeing all my friends go through these experiences, and thinking about them a bit, and I guess sort of reflecting on things and thinking about my own life. Something that I've started to think on and come to realise, is this whole being little thing. I'll be honest, when I first got into this stuff, it kind of was a sexual kink for me. I liked being padded, it felt good, and it turned me on. I used to say I'd never be a babyfur, too. But then slowly I got into it more and more, and it became a thing. But it was a different thing, a more innocent thing, not just a turn on. And for a while, I became scared of that side, and didn't always have the most amount of acceptance around me, so I suppressed it all.
Later I come to realise that all of that suppressing of things, and holding back on it all, and denying that it was there, actually seemed to be a little more hurtful and damaging than I ever thought. Just trying to hide every did no help. So I finally slowly started to begin to learn how to express myself again, and be accepting and open of things about myself, and the more open I got with it, and the more I tried to tap into that side and express it, the happier I became. I realised that it was really just a part of me. Not just a hobby, not a kink, not a sexual thrill, not an escape, but an actual part of me as a whole, my personality, who I was, who I am. Deep in part of my personality, being that was really just sort of a part of my whole being.
And now that's what my thoughts are stuck on. How much things may be a part of me, and how my life could feel a little more complete. This is also where I'm not really sure what to say anymore. For the whole pet thing mentioned above, that used to be a real big thing to me. I really always liked the idea a lot. But unfortunately, not all people are good, which I had to learn. I got hurt pretty bad in some pretty bad ways, and it scared me away from doing that sort of thing anymore. But you know, a lot of furries have master/pet relationships, or you read stories on it all, and it's all just sexual. truly, in that kind of relationship as a serious thing, a big part of it should be love, and trust for another person. Just, think of how you'd treat an actual pet of yours that was an animal. You'd love them, take care of them, teach them things, and always have them there to smile and be happy, to give you their undying love and loyalty and affection, and also give you complete trust in feeling you know what's good for them. And you help guide each other, and to grow and learn.
But like I said, I got scared away from all of that, and now I'm just a leetle babzu. But is it who I really am? As you know, the babyfur equivalent to all of that would be with a little one and a caretaker; a mommy, a daddy, etc.. And my train of thought keeps stopping here. I guess I'm just trying to think, is that what I need in my life? Is that a big part of what's missing? Having someone fill that special roll for me, and offer me love and guidance in a special way, a deep meaning way that we both connect to, because we understand each other in that way. Two people to fill in these weird rolls, for each other, for both of them, to help them both understand and grow a bit more, and be there to help and guide each other.
So yeah...that's it for now.
(edit: Sorry I lost my train of thought a lot. I think part of it is just not knowing how to put it all into words. These are also things and topics I wouldn't mind discussing with people sometime. I think I also just feel really confused about myself lately.)
TEAM PUPKITZ
Whats the true line between being a responsible adult and being a care-free kidzu?
Whats the line between fetish and lifestyle?
How open do you want to be?
I mean those are all your questions to answer.
Ultimately, its what makes you happy. If someone is unhappy because your happy, then fuck em. Let them be unhappy.
I look forward to whatever type of cutie-skunkie comes out in the end. :3
Just need to figure out what I need in life.
And I got pamfs and stuff to help make all that a lil easier :3
Thing is, I'm not a pet or anything like that, and when I was it never went far enough for me to see it is a part of my lifestyle or something. though I'm sure I thought up all sorts of fantasies about it. But I guess the one thing I at least still am for sure is that now I'm just little. It's a part of me that I started expressing, and now just look at this account. it's actually stuck with me, and it's become something else now. And is that what I need in my life? Is it that much of a part of me that I need to have it in my life like that? Am I in need of having someone who I can call daddy, and who can help guide me through life a bit; do I need that to be complete?
*ponder skunks*
I don't know, I guess it's just something for me to think on still.