Vegas! Woo! That's where I'll be for the weekend, so if you don't hear from me, I'm not dead

Probably.

A lot can happen in Vegas, but I'm preeeeetty sure this is gonna be the most whitebread trip there in the history of ever, so no real worries! It's my friend  crowmagnon's first time there, and I agreed to tag along. We're pretty cautious guys, so don't expect any incredible tales of binge drinking, gambling away tons of cash, hookers galore, drug deals gone wrong, kidnapped exotic animals, cop car joyrides, or burying anybody out in the desert.

Don't expect them, because what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas, right?