Just wanted to let you guys know that i'm okay, had a shitty night and morning, but things are better now. About the break up, honestly it was as sudden for you guys as it was for me. I noticed that things had been weird between us for a week or two now but we had weeks like this before, so I hadn't thought too much into it. Anyway, if you didn't know, I'm his first relationship EVER. We even hit it off the very first night we met. He hasn't known anything about like "going on dates before dating" or "what its like to have sex with other people" or even "what would it be like without him in my bed on the weekends and how I would feel". So really, this whole thing is understandable, even I haven't had sex with anyone besides him or gone on a date before dating either! So its just a change of pace really, getting to know what other people are like and if we truly are right for each other. My silly mom brought up the idea of marriage last winter and it freaked both of us out a lot (I love her, but it was really stupid of her to mention.) I won't get into more personal stuff because that's private but it was just decided that it was time to experiment. Not that we can't happen again in the future, who knows what the future holds for us, but for now it's just something we need to grow as people and develop our knowledge about relationships. But at the time of the break up, and for the rest of that night/morning I was in panic/hysteria. I'm easily afraid of change. I was afraid of completely losing the person I cared about most (other than family of course), it's a scary thought! I was also afraid of losing routine, and having everything I love about my college life now crumble apart. I'll be in a single next year (which I got so that we could have some space without my roommate but now that it isn't needed... well its kind of worrisome for me to be all alone in my room I guess). And I was afraid of being single again, having flashbacks of how miserable I was before him. It was definitely among my lowest points in life! But this is just something i'm going to have to grow up on. Being single can be an adventure too, it's just something i'm going to have to work on whether I like it or not. And hell, if he's going to go get experience, I might as well too right? and frankly, we may even just end up as friends with benefits! I guess i'll just have to see what happens!

That aside, we are still talking of course, best friends even, and a break up isn't going to change that. How would I get my feed of random science facts otherwise? Who would I secretly team up with in Dokapon or talk about furries with? it would just be silly to stop hanging out! I'm just glad hes not leaving my life. Maybe we won't be sleeping with each other, but I can still keep all the hugs and late night talks.

So, sorry for worrying everyone, i'm alright now. I'll be back to normal soon enough. Time heals all wounds and i'll just take my time readjusting. It just goes to show that if you really care about someone, you'll love them no matter the circumstances. And that hasn't changed for either of us at all.
Thanks for your comments and concerns, see you all soon.
-Dai