I had a happy childhood but grew up in a family that seemed built to mass-produce irrational fears. My mother was always telling us about how the world was this terrible place where people were always out to get you, and where you couldn't trust anyone but your family (except when you couldn’t). My father was an remarkably passive man who never outwardly demonstrated courage or bravery in a way that could inspire his children to greatness.

I've grown up and grown out of that mindset enough where I understand I can easily shift into a "fearful default" if I'm not intentional about it. But as such, there are still a lot of things that bring out dread, fear and threaten my heart with the deepest, blackest terror.

The words, "It's not like that between us anymore." Being subtly manipulated by my friends without my knowledge. Twilight fans. My own weakness.

Many other things.

But one of the most fearful thing to me is a blank sheet of paper, waiting to be filled with my creativity or my insight. Why? I don't quite know.

Am I afraid of the strength and power I have at my fingertips?

With a collection of inspired key presses, I can transform a blank sheet of paper into a whole other world, peopled with characters from my imagination and brimming with the power of the Story. With another set of key presses, my inner world becomes real in a wildly different way, as thoughts and concepts and persuasions and arguments present themselves in a form to reflect and analyze.

The power of creativity, the power of creation, that human beings have been blessed with is a scary thing. The very work of taking what's Inside, giving it a life and energy apart from your own self, and allowing it to be shared and enjoyed with others exposes the artist-exposes me-to that "terrible world" my mother used to tell me about.

What if they don't like my characters? What if my setting is too unbelievable? What if my thesis is misunderstood? Are my arguments thought through and thoughtful? What if I'm not good enough? What if they don't like it?

In a very real way, the blank sheet is an invitation to invite others to my heart. It becomes an opportunity to share who I am inside. Whether through the power of Story, as characters interact and the plot moves along to its conclusion, or through the talent of Rhetoric, where facts and opinions interact and the discussion moves along to its conclusions, in my work, I'm letting people know the Deep Me in some way. That's risky! Pain could be involved!

It's very much like being in love. To put your heart out for another's inspection, risking their approval and trust and worse, the very safety of your heart... Yes, it's very much like being in love.

That's definitely a big reason why I'm "scared" to write. I've known both sides of the warmth of affection and the courage that Love and Trust can bring to a person. I've also known, unfortunately, both sides of what happens when that love and trust are betrayed, either by malice or mistake.

But getting the short end of vulnerability, getting hurt with love or misunderstood with creativity should only cause a short set back, a short reprieve. Nothing like this paralyzing fear of the writing craft (and other things admittedly) that has held me captive for so long. And I shouldn't be afraid of hurting others as much as I have been, if nothing else, because of my position and role in the world.

God gave me these gifts to bless the world in some fashion. In a humbling way, I really am "God's gift to mankind." Not because I've got it all together or that I'm super special awesome, but because I've been given - sent to do a task so to speak. And just like with all gifts, there's a purpose and intent for me to fulfill. And as long as I work to always be improving myself and to bless folks, make them more thoughtful, holy people who love and are loved, I can rest easy that I'm doing what I need to without hurting others needlessly.

tl;dr - Creativity is Love. Powerful. Scary. Risky. Always worth it.