One of my favorites from that issue. >^_^<

Looking back on everything I have out there ... I realize this is the only story which I think truly represents me as an author and a person.

My other stories (such as Felix and the Sacred Thor, Life Cycle, Pain is Revenge, etc.) are fun deviations and show off great range, but they aren't what I'd call typical me.

That's an interesting way of looking at things. I guess with my own work, I've always tended to just sort of think, well, it's all coming from the same source, so it's all some expression of myself to some degree. I've never really stopped to think which pieces of mine truly represent me best. I should probably give that some thought sometime.

I used to think of it that way, too. But recently it occurred to me what most people know me for (if they know me at all), and I don't always like the idea of them knowing me for certain stories. When I think of what I want people to know me for, it's Back Road.

Sure, I like my crazy, bizarre stories... but they're not what I want to think of when they think of me. It seems it's easy for me to get the stuff I don't want to be known for published, but the stuff I want to be known for is rejected again and again. I hear this is quite common for some reason. I wish i knew why.

Maybe what I really want is the whole spectrum. More material like Back Road to stand alongside my stranger works.

But recently it occurred to me what most people know me for (if they know me at all), and I don't always like the idea of them knowing me for certain stories.

Yeah, I can understand that. I kind of winced when X finally showed up a few days back on my Goodreads author page -- not because I'm ashamed of having written erotica/furry erotica or that I regret it, exactly, but because it's not what I'm interested in writing now, or what I would prefer to be known for now and in the future.

But yeah, it can be hard... It seems like when the stories closest to your heart and your self keep getting rejected, you can't help but wonder (even if you know better), whether that means there's actually something wrong with you or what you like or how you see the world.

I noticed X, but didn't see it was on Goodreads. You're brave to publish that under your real name

My only printed novel is Felix and the Sacred Thor, a book about a man who uses a horse dildo as a weapon to save the world from destruction. As much fun as I had with it, I'm starting to resent it being all people know me for and I really, REALLY want to get something different out there!

Still trying. The pro markets are hard to crack, and getting a new (clean) novel in print is even more difficult. The ones that are close to my heart just keep getting rejected. In the face of so much rejection in recent months it has made me wonder if I'm doing something wrong. You start to wonder... why bother? I haven't given up yet though. if I give up now it means Felix really will be all people know me for

I wouldn't say "brave" exactly... as much as not wanting to feel like I was hiding behind a pseudonym. Not implying that everybody who uses one is hiding, of course, but for me, it was the sense of, I'm not ashamed of this, I'm putting as much work and craft into this as anything else I write, and putting my real name on it, same as everything else I write, was my way of validating it and showing that it was worthwhile and deserved to be taken seriously. So it's kind of a litmus test for me that way -- if I feel like I can't put my name on it, it should probably stay private.

That said, now that I know I'd like to be a children's author, I know there's a real possibility that I may have to choose a pen name for those works, given that I did put my real name on the adult work. So... *shrug* Kind of a double-edged sword, but when I really dig deep and ask myself for the truth, I'm not sorry for anything I've put my name on, so I'll just go on from here and see what happens.

But yeah, some days you do just kind of wish you could quit, and be happy some other way, and yet you know you're going to keep going because it's part of who you are. At least that's how it is for me, or how it's become. And I comfort myself knowing that, with all the self-publishing options out there now (and much less expensive and time-consuming than it used to be), there's always going to be some way to get a story you really care about out there and available to readers, even if it's not your first choice in terms of method (or second, or third).

I haven't read X, but from the review on Goodreads it sounds like your story is the standout again, so I think your real-name should definitely get the credit for that Writing good adult material takes just as much skill as any the most sophisticated prose.

But it would make it difficult to be taken seriously as a children's author. Using your real name is a double-edged sword, yes. I felt the same way about pseudonyms. I figured "this is who I am, I'm writing this, so I will put my real name on it because I deserve the credit!" While true, it's all one sided. Trying to show off the other side of me is proving much more difficult.

Things have been so slow to happen I've considered self-publishing. Last resort...