It has been over a year since my sickness got bad enough that I could no longer go to work, travel long distances, eventually so that I can barely function around the house doing small favors such as cleaning. The doctors do not know what is wrong with me, they can only provide me a laundry list of what it isn't.

The next step is frightening, to me. They are referring me to the University of Michigan's gastroenterology department. It is likely going to be staggeringly expensive, even if I do get on their aid program, which based on the horrible woman we seem to have assigned to handle my application, seems very unlikely.

I do not know how to handle myself, quite honestly. I'm scared, that much is certain, and I am tired of sitting back and watching my life, my dreams and goals, fading. At this point I don't even know where I'd begin to pick up the pieces of it. It's depressing, and there has been a few times where I have thought about doing things I'm not proud to have considered.

Just... I've never asked for much, and I'm not very religious, but I just want to ask that... I want to ask people to keep me in their prayers and thoughts. I don't know how much good it will do physically, but knowing people who care are thinking about me from time to time will keep my head on straight.

Thanks, if you read this, it was mostly venting. I don't want or need pity, but I would appreciate a conversation from time to time. It helps to occupy my mind.