📼 𝐇𝐄𝐌𝐌𝐒𝐅𝐎𝐗 𝐒𝐓𝐔𝐃𝐈𝐎𝐒 📼


Which I doubt, I would like to know.

I can't figure out what I am missing. I loose weight, I am productive and I work, and I contribute to this Fandom. I have friends, but I can't remember the last time I got a random text asking if I wanted to go anywhere. It is pretty much assumed that on my days off I will spend them productively working at home, but working none the less, alone. I have no lover, and no prospective lover, and I can't figure out what I am doing wrong and why I don't have one.

I am reading Circles for the first time, and every night after I put it down I realize that I don't have any of what any character has in that book, let alone anything like Marty and Taye or Paulie and Doug have. I mean I know it is fiction, and it doesn't just happen like that, and when love does happen it takes a ton of work. But I have done a TON of work. I scream out all the time for someone, but I guess people just don't hear? I am told it is just supposed to happen. That you go somewhere one day, like to a party, and there is someone there who outshines everyone and you just can't help but try to talk too, even though you can't form words. But I have been going to Furry events for two years. I just don't know if it will happen. I don't want to become a crazy old unmarried cat lady.

Maybe its because I don't want sex? ...Well I want sex with not just for its own sake. I don't want a Boyfriend to have sex with, I want a boyfriend to have a life with. I want those problems and I want to work at them. As usual I am 5 or 10 years ahead of my time in this area, I suppose, or maybe I am 5 or 10 years behind? Maybe it is because I don't like Dubstep, or take too much of an interest in the world's problems. Maybe it is because I don't draw Yiff. I don't know, but I don't want to change any core part of myself to find someone to love me, because they won't be loving me.

That's it for now. I want to keep reading Circles but I have a feeling that by the end I am going to regret it.