I can sum up what’s going on in the console world in one easy scenario: selling dildoes
Nintendo came out with theirs first and it's... nothing special. It's basically one of those old shiny chrome ones from the old 80's pornos. It's shiny and it’s cheap and coincidentally it plays Zelda and Mario and Metroid for some reason. It looks like there's a lot of potential since the cover actually comes off, they just need to get more interesting covers (games) for their dildo. Looks like it will be boring in the long run if Nintendo doesn't spice things up (and let's be honest, Nintendo knows how to sell simple things).
Next up is Microsoft. They're getting a lot of bad press for... arguably good reason since their dildo is basically a horse cock dildo made out of steel with giant spikes on it. Because of this, it is also the most expensive.... but you can hook your cable box up to it and it will (for some reason) play Killer Instinct. Problem is, Microsoft isn't.... very good at listening to their customers. They imagine there's this untapped demographic of people who want giant spiky steel horse cock dildos stuffed up their ass that they can watch TV through which will be unpleasant for the short and long run. And every time they're asked about it, they fumble their answers:
"Uh.... why the spikes?"
"Oh, they're not spikes.... they're fishhoooks. So... it's a feature..."
Also the giant spiky horse cock dildo with fishhooks comes with an attached webcam.... that has to be turned on so you can tell the horse cock dildo when you want to watch your soap operas or when to send videos of you using the giant spiky horse cock dildo with fish hooks on youtube.
But Microsoft won't use it to spy on you....
But it will require you to connect online once a day....
But they totally could spy on you if they wanted to and if the government wanted to, hooo boy, they've even said "sorry, we've got to let the government spy on you through your giant spiky steel horse cock dildo with fish hooks...."
Then there's Sony....
And everyone is laaaaughing laughing laughing laughing. The fans are laughing, the executives are laughing, everybody's laughing..... not for the same reasons....
Sony "revealed" their dildo a while ago.... or at least the different covers you could use on it.... and the remote control for the vibration.... people wondered "um.... what does it look like?" and Sony coughed softly, shuffled their feet, and told them Final Fantasy 15 and Kingdom Hearts will be played through it and people started jacking off furiously.
Now, everyone’s laughing, remember? The executives are laughing... because they dodged a huge bullet. If you looked at what their dildo was three months ago, it probably looked pretty close to a giant spiky steel horse cock dildo with goddamn FISH HOOKS. But they held off and said "wait.... let’s see what Microsoft’s doing first…"
When they saw how fans understandably would not want that giant hunk of metal in their asses, they looked back at their giant spiky steel horse cock dildo with fish hooks and said:
"erm..... why don't..... why don't we get rid of the fish hooks.... and make it out of a somewhat comfortable gel...... and... uhh.... let's scale it down by like.... a 1/16"
Now they're pretending to laugh along with their fans. "Ho ho ho, who would want that giant uncomfortable horse cock? It's so invasive and you won't be able to share covers with your friends! Our giant horse cock will allow you to do this! Ho ho, aren't we philanthropic? Give us four hundred dollars!"
The fans are laughing at anyone who would want to buy a giant steel horsecock to fuck themselves with while they're already making plans for their slightly-less giant horse cock to fuck themselves with while ALSO at the same time lauding Sony as the saviors of the console ass-fucking industry. Also also, you can upload videos of you using your giant spiky horse cock dildo to youtube or facebook and you can let your friends directly take control of the dildo if you so desire. Not AS unpleasant as its slightly bigger, metallic, and fish hook-covered cousin, but you’re still going to be taking a horse’s cock up your ass.
Then at the very far end is a kiosk set up much like it has before..... the PC kiosk. It doesn't have any flashy signs or stuff because it knows it's always there and always will be there. The thing about PC's dildo is that it's a strange bait and switch. To buy the dildo you have to use a regular, squishy horse cock dildo once.... just once. Then you get a dildo that is god damn molded to perfection for you. It plays all the games that weren't specifically made to force you into buying a giant spiky steel horse cock dildo with fish hooks or a slightly less giant horse cock dildo and when you need to upgrade it you only have to go to a store, take a slightly larger dildo up the ass once.... and continue enjoying your dildo.
People will try to defend their giant horse cock dildoes by saying that some of the covers (the very same ones they can use for THEIR dildoes) are difficult to steal-… I mean “pirate”, spouting words like “DRM” and “Steam only sells you the right to use a cover, not the cover itself” which can be a problem if the place distributing these covers decides it’s not much use.
That last part doesn't really... pan out, but I feel I’ve gotten my point across:
Buy the dildo you want shoved up your ass for the next 8 years and don’t act like you’re getting fucked any less than the other guys.