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Some thoughts on Love
12 years ago
Love isn't something you can 'give' to anybody. It really isn't. It's not something you can save up, hoard for a rainy day. Love is like happiness. Love is like sadness. Love is an emotion. Love is a bond. It is something that grows within someone, because of the existence or actions of someone or something else*. You can't plant your love in anyone else, they can only grow their own love, in themselves, for you.
Love is different between everyone. No ones love is better than another's. Not if it's stronger. Not if it's more durable. Not if it's longer lasting. It's just different. Any value judgement you apply to it after recognizing that it's different are your own opinions, and people will always have different opinions. The little love someone has for a group of fleeting childhood friends is in no quantifiable way lesser than the love between a monogamous couple who've been together for decades, the same way red is in no way lesser than blue.
Appreciate all the love in your life, be mindful of the judgements you make of other's love. By my own personal morals, I think that love should be honest, consensual, and respectful. And I struggle to cope with many societal models of love, which are often competitive or even combative and based on fear and loneliness rather than joy and happiness. And I do try to tell people about my approach to love, because it's been so wonderful and lovely and such a relief after trying out some old socially prescribed models. But ultimately that's still just my opinion, and everyone's love is their own.**
But that still doesn't change the fact that love simply isn't something you can give to anyone. You can give your kisses, your cuddles, your loving blows and tender knifecuts, your vases of flowers, your hanks of rope, your blood, your symbols of affection whatever they are. You can express your love in so many wonderful and varied ways. You can give people the precious gift of your limited time. But you can't give anyone else your love. Because that part is in you.
*Or of themselves, in some cases.
**Even if it makes me grumpy and think they're dumb.
Love is different between everyone. No ones love is better than another's. Not if it's stronger. Not if it's more durable. Not if it's longer lasting. It's just different. Any value judgement you apply to it after recognizing that it's different are your own opinions, and people will always have different opinions. The little love someone has for a group of fleeting childhood friends is in no quantifiable way lesser than the love between a monogamous couple who've been together for decades, the same way red is in no way lesser than blue.
Appreciate all the love in your life, be mindful of the judgements you make of other's love. By my own personal morals, I think that love should be honest, consensual, and respectful. And I struggle to cope with many societal models of love, which are often competitive or even combative and based on fear and loneliness rather than joy and happiness. And I do try to tell people about my approach to love, because it's been so wonderful and lovely and such a relief after trying out some old socially prescribed models. But ultimately that's still just my opinion, and everyone's love is their own.**
But that still doesn't change the fact that love simply isn't something you can give to anyone. You can give your kisses, your cuddles, your loving blows and tender knifecuts, your vases of flowers, your hanks of rope, your blood, your symbols of affection whatever they are. You can express your love in so many wonderful and varied ways. You can give people the precious gift of your limited time. But you can't give anyone else your love. Because that part is in you.
*Or of themselves, in some cases.
**Even if it makes me grumpy and think they're dumb.
Your mentions of love being expressed by rope and cuts and blood reminded me of this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B11xgZm21h8
And yes. Love is personal. Very.