I'm sorry I haven't been as responsive as usual and even a little snappy at times in the past few weeks. I've been depressed off and on since I heard the initial news that Starbuck had liver cancer. I figured that my only solution was to see her. Chris and I came to the conclusion that it would just be best for me to go alone and see her for a weekend (much cheaper for a single ticket and he was willing to help pay.)

I just called my aunt now with the hopes of scheduling a time for myself to go out and see Starbuck this weekend. She told me that she had been too upset to tell me sooner but Starbuck was put to sleep at the vet last week.

Starbuck hadn't been eating except small bits of food and pills that my aunt fed to her by hand. Starbuck had lost over 20lbs... she was weak and dehydrated (her paw pads were so cracked dry that she couldn't walk comfortably) but she was determined to go for walks every day (she had the determination that my mom did.) In her last two days, she kept my aunt awake as she cried from pain (even with morphine pills.) When my aunt took her to the vet, my aunt held Starbuck and pet her as she fell asleep in her arms so that she knew she was loved. "It was the hardest decision I've ever had to make." my aunt said. But I agreed that it was best for Starbuck; it wasn't fair to make her suffer any more.

A few days after Starbuck was laid to rest, my aunt was taking Arrow for a walk and she saw a circular rainbow around the sun. She said she has never seen anything like it; not in person and not on the internet either. She feels that maybe Starbuck and my mom (her sister) are now happy together.

I regret not being able to see her one last time but I'm far more relieved that she isn't suffering.

I want to thank everyone for their prayers, words of support, donations, and art contributions. You have all helped to add a little brightness while I've been trying to cope with the stress and worry. As I said to Nippon-Okami on DA "I've lost my mother, my grandmothers, and many pets in the recent past but Starbuck has so much of an influence on my art and she's living with my aunt on the west coast - losing her is like losing a part of my art and a part of me." She will remain a part of my heart and one of the greatest contributors to my artwork.

I hope to use some of the donations toward seeing Arrow before he passes away (he is 13-years-old, losing his hearing, and living with arthritis and Cushing's disease) and some toward my friends  InsaneRoman and  AmuroNOVA (both of which are incredibly sweet people but have miserable family situations, poor living conditions, and not enough money for food or transportation.)

Now that I've stopped crying, I should go tell Chris the news.