📼 𝐇𝐄𝐌𝐌𝐒𝐅𝐎𝐗 𝐒𝐓𝐔𝐃𝐈𝐎𝐒 📼


Similar to my issue, I don't like to spend my money, but not because I'm greedy, but because I know the value of a dollar is fragile, and the money I do have can easily disappear if I am not careful and responsible with my financial decisions. Don't see yourself as being greedy, sure you aren't donating money to others as much as you used to, but the fact you're trying to keep every last penny is something you should be proud of, it shows you take your money seriously and aren't letting it burn a hole through your pocket.

When I have a job I'm less strict about my spending, but I still make sure I don't go over my budget and only get what I need, rarely will I treat myself to something I want. I was raised well in how to handle my money, especially after learning how it feels to lose it all. Don't beat yourself up too much over this, I think you're going to be fine. You are not a greedy jerk, you are a good natured individual who has always gone out of his way for others.

A good motto I have found to go by is "awareness, acceptance, action." It's a three-step process that works wonders when done in order.. Right now, you're at the beginning. You have the awareness, and that means that you're on the right track.. you can fumble, say, by buying something big and uneccessary, but as long as you have the awareness that it was, in your eyes, a mistake, then you're still on the right track. You can continue to make mistakes, and when you catch them, which is your awareness, you can develop that. It may be a while of just this.. But, the more aware of it (whatever "it" is, in your case, putting wealth empathy) you become, the more accepting you will be. When you become in acceptance of your habits, you're ready for action.. consciously making an effort to change or improve your outlook, behaviors, habits, etc. Jumping from awareness straight to action doesn't seem to work very well and more often than not ends up back on square one. In my observation you have the awareness, but I can't tell if you're in acceptance or not. I'm inclined to say you're not quite there, because of the idea that you can't see a way out.. Anyway.. YOU CAN DO IT! This is something you are definitely capable of coming out of, Hemms. I hope that didn't sound way too analyitcal or anything, it was a bit of a struggle trying to put into words an idea and way of thinking I've only ever.. well, thought, and not tried to express my personal experience.. I'm not trying to sound preachy, or tell you what you should do, all I can share is my own experience.

Be kind to yourself, don't beat yourself up when you do slip. :) It's okay. And it's okay to treat yourself, too! Self-love is important.

No, No, thank you. That is exactly the kind of help I am looking for. This is similar to what I have tried in other instances. I have never done well at work. It reminds me too much of life with my parents. Life where I was expected to give my life up to some sort of family cause of running this "business" which mostly amounted to selling things out of the back of a van, and constantly being sued. From age 14 I was lifting 60 to 80Lb boxes, and it has fucked up my back pretty good. I would always be told I did a worthless job, or was pathetic at trying no matter how much effort I put in. Whenever there was a critical failure (which was always) I was told it was my fault for my behavior and lack of care, then my father would demand my college funds, which I saw no choice but to give him then. There was some...physical stuff too. When I am at work all that floods back to be because it is the same type of environment. Warehouses full of stuff, high pressure to sell sell sell (which I hate doing), Pull lists and inventory spreadsheets, disjointed and hectic management, Etc. I credit myself too much responsibility because in my experience I was responsible for everyone's welfare, and if something screwed up, even the slightest thing, everyone was out on the street and the world came crashing down, which did happen. I frequently find myself having to go on an unscheduled break to the bathroom to prevent an all out panic attack. Work is basically an 8 hour minor panic attack for me.

I am taking lots of steps to try to remedy this problem. but there are so many other issues pressing down. Mainly that there is a lack of any responsible adult in my family. It is just a long history of addiction, rampant irresponsibility, physical sickness, and lots of lies. The two sides of my family are pretty much at war with each other, and here I am trying to break this cycle. at 20 years old I am 35, and in a lot of ways that allows me to accomplish things beyond other 20 year olds, such as Furry Club, but on the other hand it makes it exhausting to get ahead in life. The world is not organized for people like me. At 20 years old you are expected to still pretty much be relying on your parents and concerned with where the next party is going to be, and whether it is going to affect your work schedule. Well, what happens when all the adults are children?

Hemms, I would love to talk about this more, really.. maybe in person sometime soon. Sounds like we have even more in common than I thought.

I was my mom's surrogate spouse as a teenager (after my dad moved halfway accross the country when I was 13). Lots of "emotional incest" in the relationship there. to be very, very general and broad.

I had a feeling that there was more to you. But yes, we really should talk more. Meaningful talk.

You're thinking too much and too hard. Why not try this: Take Saturdays off for furry events thus keeping your job still, use your money for needs like bills and food and such, save the rest for other things like gas money for LMFAO x3, and be more active online with the furry community other than to log in FA once a week to post a journal asking us how we think of you! Edit that to your will but I bet if you do something along these lines you'll feel a ton better. Skype me whenever you're NOT busy x.x

:3 Wow how the tables have turned. You give me life advice now. I am always going to be proud of what you did. Thank you. And that's why I keep bugging you to do something! <3 And yeah, I did change my work schedule around. Only work three days a week now. Less money, but I think that might even be good for me. I will make due.

Had you ever had a job prior to working there?

Yes, but only seasonal. I have only ever had one good retail job. The rest have just been about how much can they exploit me for as little pay as they can get away with.

I was asking because there's a period in every person's life where they ultimately learn the value of money and need to make a transformation to maturity, where they learn to balance between their own needs, time and money with the things they want and care for.

I suspect you're going through this. There's nothing wrong with some selfishness; if you give too much of yourself there's none left over for you. You have to take care of yourself before you can take care of others - that's simply how it works. It's great to be self sacrificial, and you will be - when you can. But it's good to recognize when sacrificing yourself will actually NOT benefit others in the long run, because you'll be making it more difficult for yourself to offer help again in the future.

Everyone has to take care of themselves to a degree. Nobody else is going to take care of you for you.

On a completely unrelated note:
I recommend you not give beggars on the street money, ever. Do a little anthropology research and you'll see most beggars (the seasoned ones) probably make more money than you do at your job by panhandling. They wouldn't be doing it if it wasn't giving results, trust me. Look closely and you'll realize the same sad, destitute people who were begging yesterday were there a year ago, and will continue to be there in ten years. If they were truly having trouble surviving, they would have long died out. I've seen a beggar walk into a bank branch and deposit hundreds of dollars from their shoe into a bank account.

If you truly feel sorry for them, share half of your sandwich with them or one of your donuts and see what they do with it. Typically they put it away and don't eat it, despite carryin claiming to be "hungry". That's because they're not really hungry; they're going to take their own version of a lunch break in a while and meet up with their friends to share the food they've collected as a group.
Looking pathetic and hungry is just their way of putting on a good show. Don't fall for it. Donate time and money to soup kitchens and kid's health donation drives instead.

Hemms is living on his own with some (rather strange) help from his injured aunt. He needs this job, he's just overthinking everything and just because he hasn't seen a furry for awhile, he's constantly worrying how his reputation is in the fandom. Hemms should just take Saturdays off for fur meets, work weekdays, and be more active in FA . . . like I dunno . . . . . ACTUALLY reading his furiends' journals and his comments and PMs!!! Dx