I guess lately I haven't been much in the happy place I want to be. I really hate my house. It's in the middle of nowhere and I have no friends around here. Sure, I get to draw stuff sometimes for my friends, I talk online, but as far as physical stuff goes, I don't even leave the house for walks because of the fear a rattle snake might pop up, and the closest hospital is an hour away. It probably wouldn't kill me, but you know, that would suck and I could loose a finger or so.

I am really looking forward to anthrocon. A little escape from my house for once even if it's for four days. This summer vacation shouldn't be this long. I am so ready to go back to college it's ridiculous. At least I have more fun there. If only I could spend vacation at a friend's house. But being realistic, that is probably not going to happen.

I get really unmotivated when I am at my house. My mom keeps calling me a useless piece of shit when I am in front of a screen. I guess she doesn't understand that the computer is my only way to keep my sanity. But the fact that she bashes at me for not being a slave and working all day, doesn't make me feel good, you know? And then she wonders if something is wrong with me when she sees me quiet and withdrawn from her. At least my dad understands that it sucks to be here and he tries to cheer me up as best as he can.

I really hate breaks. I really hate my house. I wished I lived with my mate.

I am not looking for any attention. I just wanna get this problem out somewhere. Only a few people know how I'm really doing, and I don't tell everyone because I don't wanna look like an attention whore. Ugh. It even feels disgusting that I have to say that.