Knowing that your friends are fucking, and having them try to hide it from you because they know you're the one that was friends with all of them. Then they stop hanging out with you, because they know you liked them all, and it would be too awkward to tell you.

That feeling of bitter betrayal makes me want to stab my fucking eyeballs out so I don't have to see their fucking faces anymore. I know I shouldn't be angry, but I guess It's just pure JEALOUSY.

Yes, I'm jealous, I know I shouldn't be. But i'm fucking human. I usually go numb when I have big amounts of feelings, but this time I can't. I can't go into that numb state that's usually so calming, so fucking nice.

I want my inability to feel anything back. But it's slowly fading, the safe warmth that was pure numbness goes away after you get too close to people.