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Mates and Acceptance
12 years ago
General
My Furry Family
I have 2 things on my mind right now. I'm not going to vent, but I'ma keep y'all updated.
WARNING: THIS IS MY OPINION. THIS IS HOW I FEEL. Don't judge me.
1. Mates.
Okay... as SOME OF YOU know, my mate and I haven't been seeing eye-to-eye lately. This is a serious deep concern for me, and it makes me thing about my past relationships, similarities and differences between them, and why the past ones failed.
I FIGURED OUT WHY. (will not be mentioned here)
I should also say that I'm not an angry person, and for those of you that know me a little better than others, you know that. I don't yell, I don't get overly frustrated, I don't blow a fuse and go off, and I never raise my hand to another person. (Anxiety attacks and personality flips don't count...)
On that note, I honestly have no idea why people fight over stupid little things. Like SERIOUSLY stupid things. Everyone does. I don't know if I'm emotionally numb to bullshit, or just too mature to really care about petty drama, but I'm not one to care for unrest. I'm an emotionally stable person (DISREGARDING the mental disorders) and petty crap between mates bothers me not.
Continuing, the reason my mate and I aren't getting along, and I can admit this, is PETTY CRAP.
Its all the little and small things that if we were face to face, we wouldn't think 2 seconds about, and it wouldn't be a problem.
Angel? Then why is it different over text?
GOOD QUESTION! Because its hard to add emphasis and tone of voice, and sarcasm, and everything else that the voice can do, to a text-based thing.
Granted, not everything stems from that, something hurtful things are said, but a lot of it does, and there is a lot of miscommunication that leads to hurt feelings, anxiety attacks, manic crying fits, and depression. (That's just me, I don't know what my mate does. I know he gets upset, but that's about it.)
YES, I love him. This isn't one of those "we had sex so now we're mated" kind of deals, we hang out face to face, and we genuinely have a lot in common. We are also best friends. That makes it kinda awesome.
No, he doesn't fully grasp my mental problems, but then again, I don't expect him to so fast. On July 7th, 2013, we hit our 8-month anniversary. We are coming up on that year mark! Woohoo!
In retrospect, I don't expect him to really understand and learn how I tick for another year or maybe even 3 or 4 years.
BUT I DO EXPECT HIM TO UNDERSTAND AND ACCEPT ME... ALTER PERSONALITIES AND ALL.
Farell, if you're reading this, I want you to know that i love you, and that we shouldn't even be fighting, no matter what the other has said... Okay? We've both said things. But I love you and I'm not going anywhere.
To friends that I have been talking to, I want you to know that I thank you for being there for me, and I love you all so much. Also, that I have a plan. That's all you need to know.
WOW....maybe that was venting...oops. :P
WEll, moving on!
2. Acceptance
THis will be MUCH shorter....maybe.
I'm trying to learn to accept myself. I have ZERO problems with ANYTHING out there. You can't scare me. I'm okay with polyamorous relationships, open relationships, persons of any gender or sex, people with the weirdest sex kinks (i have a lot myself)... THATS WHY I HAVE TO LOOK INSIDE.
First off, my sexual and gender Identity. Sexual being Pansexual and gender being a Pangender MTF Transsexual.
Let me explain... Pansexual-gay. A lot of people synonymously connect this with its social context, for those that believe love is based off more than mere sex, but a deep emotional connection. For me, I take the textbook version, AND the social version.
WAIT?!?!?!? What about that "gay" part?
I CAN EXPLAIN THAT TOO! Put the 2 together. I find everyone that have a male basis to be attractive, both sexually and on a deeper level. This includes biological-identified males, trans-males, trans-females, and anyone that has a version of "male" in their identity. This also includes genderqueer, bigender, pangender, and much much more.
SO what's your point?
THIS IS HARD to wrap my head around. Even I have a hard time with it. I'm trying to grasp it in stride, and its kinda-sorta working.
ALSO GENDER! GAH.
Pangender.... just....I'm not even going to TRY to explain this. And then wanting to change sexes... and...just...*headache*
Yeah, so that's hard to wrap my head around too, and try to self-accept, let alone be accepted by other for who I am.
ALSO: D.I.D.
I have alter personalities. I'm trying to get past denial.
I'm trying to accept all of my personalities for who they are. And for who I am. An WHY I have it.
SO yeah... this is probably the biggest one, and it has the shortest thing for it.... I find that funny.
Another reason.....is acceptance from others.
Mostly because of the mental disorders....people don't like to be around me... I've noticed that...
Also, that...well...they don't really understand me completely.
A lot of people refuse to KNOW. They think they have me all figured out and that I'ma certain way, and they they get all shocked and weirded out when I cross their version of the norm...
Okay im bored and tired of venting...okay I led I WAS venting....
haha!
Remember! Dont judge me.
LOL XP
WARNING: THIS IS MY OPINION. THIS IS HOW I FEEL. Don't judge me.
1. Mates.
Okay... as SOME OF YOU know, my mate and I haven't been seeing eye-to-eye lately. This is a serious deep concern for me, and it makes me thing about my past relationships, similarities and differences between them, and why the past ones failed.
I FIGURED OUT WHY. (will not be mentioned here)
I should also say that I'm not an angry person, and for those of you that know me a little better than others, you know that. I don't yell, I don't get overly frustrated, I don't blow a fuse and go off, and I never raise my hand to another person. (Anxiety attacks and personality flips don't count...)
On that note, I honestly have no idea why people fight over stupid little things. Like SERIOUSLY stupid things. Everyone does. I don't know if I'm emotionally numb to bullshit, or just too mature to really care about petty drama, but I'm not one to care for unrest. I'm an emotionally stable person (DISREGARDING the mental disorders) and petty crap between mates bothers me not.
Continuing, the reason my mate and I aren't getting along, and I can admit this, is PETTY CRAP.
Its all the little and small things that if we were face to face, we wouldn't think 2 seconds about, and it wouldn't be a problem.
Angel? Then why is it different over text?
GOOD QUESTION! Because its hard to add emphasis and tone of voice, and sarcasm, and everything else that the voice can do, to a text-based thing.
Granted, not everything stems from that, something hurtful things are said, but a lot of it does, and there is a lot of miscommunication that leads to hurt feelings, anxiety attacks, manic crying fits, and depression. (That's just me, I don't know what my mate does. I know he gets upset, but that's about it.)
YES, I love him. This isn't one of those "we had sex so now we're mated" kind of deals, we hang out face to face, and we genuinely have a lot in common. We are also best friends. That makes it kinda awesome.
No, he doesn't fully grasp my mental problems, but then again, I don't expect him to so fast. On July 7th, 2013, we hit our 8-month anniversary. We are coming up on that year mark! Woohoo!
In retrospect, I don't expect him to really understand and learn how I tick for another year or maybe even 3 or 4 years.
BUT I DO EXPECT HIM TO UNDERSTAND AND ACCEPT ME... ALTER PERSONALITIES AND ALL.
Farell, if you're reading this, I want you to know that i love you, and that we shouldn't even be fighting, no matter what the other has said... Okay? We've both said things. But I love you and I'm not going anywhere.
To friends that I have been talking to, I want you to know that I thank you for being there for me, and I love you all so much. Also, that I have a plan. That's all you need to know.
WOW....maybe that was venting...oops. :P
WEll, moving on!
2. Acceptance
THis will be MUCH shorter....maybe.
I'm trying to learn to accept myself. I have ZERO problems with ANYTHING out there. You can't scare me. I'm okay with polyamorous relationships, open relationships, persons of any gender or sex, people with the weirdest sex kinks (i have a lot myself)... THATS WHY I HAVE TO LOOK INSIDE.
First off, my sexual and gender Identity. Sexual being Pansexual and gender being a Pangender MTF Transsexual.
Let me explain... Pansexual-gay. A lot of people synonymously connect this with its social context, for those that believe love is based off more than mere sex, but a deep emotional connection. For me, I take the textbook version, AND the social version.
WAIT?!?!?!? What about that "gay" part?
I CAN EXPLAIN THAT TOO! Put the 2 together. I find everyone that have a male basis to be attractive, both sexually and on a deeper level. This includes biological-identified males, trans-males, trans-females, and anyone that has a version of "male" in their identity. This also includes genderqueer, bigender, pangender, and much much more.
SO what's your point?
THIS IS HARD to wrap my head around. Even I have a hard time with it. I'm trying to grasp it in stride, and its kinda-sorta working.
ALSO GENDER! GAH.
Pangender.... just....I'm not even going to TRY to explain this. And then wanting to change sexes... and...just...*headache*
Yeah, so that's hard to wrap my head around too, and try to self-accept, let alone be accepted by other for who I am.
ALSO: D.I.D.
I have alter personalities. I'm trying to get past denial.
I'm trying to accept all of my personalities for who they are. And for who I am. An WHY I have it.
SO yeah... this is probably the biggest one, and it has the shortest thing for it.... I find that funny.
Another reason.....is acceptance from others.
Mostly because of the mental disorders....people don't like to be around me... I've noticed that...
Also, that...well...they don't really understand me completely.
A lot of people refuse to KNOW. They think they have me all figured out and that I'ma certain way, and they they get all shocked and weirded out when I cross their version of the norm...
Okay im bored and tired of venting...okay I led I WAS venting....
haha!
Remember! Dont judge me.
LOL XP
I've been through most of that crap too. My most recent relationship (a month or two ago?) to someone I truly started to fall in love with ended because of petty crap and because we don't communicate. It's online, it's so much harder to communicate online IMO than walk over and poke someone in the side. Even though there's also many benefits, like its easier to talk about awkward subjects online.
It's just complicated.
It's why I think my relationships have to solely be offline nowadays. I need to meet people, see if we click IRL, and those petty things won't be as important anymore.
D.I.D. sucks. Not knowing gender sucks. I know those all too well, too.
I do want to know you, I really do. You're always so busy though! And off doing things! And I'm also in the middle of a big move where I'm trying to just find a place to stay or a way to make rent on an apartment or etc.
I hope we can chat again like we used to, soon ^^
And no matter what ill always accept you :3
So you see, it's not about you. It's them. They've got the problem. be you. Forget the haters. Be all of you. Multiple persons and all. Btw I'm a Christian and I know you worship the devil but I don't have a right to judge you for that. I also don't hate you. There's your surprise for the day. Take care. I hope the relationship stuff gets better/easier.
Thanks for not hating me...I guess... I didnt think you did, so its not a surprise, but,....thanks? O_o
and thanks.
"I would think Satantists still believe in God but hate him instead of love him."
Not really. Most Satanists are Atheists. Satanism isnt a religion, ITS A LIFE PHILOSOPHY. SOME think of it as a religion, but that's them.
"Because the bible says that Satan is the adversary".
That's YOUR view. The bible says a lot of things... I was raised Reformed under Christianity, and a Christian becomes a Satanist for certain reasons on his own accord. Enlightenment, corruption and flaws within the church, ignorance within the religion itself, and self-exploration are SOME reasons that people become satanists.
"I was also going on the assumption that you've met Christians that are... less than loving."
YOU HAVE NO IDEA. I can tell you horror stories.
•Satanism is not a Christian invention
•Satanism predates Christianity and all other religions
•Satanism is not about spooks, vampires, Halloween monsters or other related entities.
•Satanism is not about "evil".
•Satanism is not an invention of, or a "reaction" to Christianity.
THis is what I follow:
Nine Satanic Statements
1. Satan represents indulgence, instead of abstinence!
2. Satan represents vital existence, instead of spiritual pipe dreams!
3. Satan represents undefiled wisdom, instead of hypocritical self-deceit!
4. Satan represents kindness to those who deserve it, instead of love wasted on ingrates!
5. Satan represents vengeance, instead of turning the other cheek!
6. Satan represents responsibility to the responsible, instead of concern for psychic vampires!
7. Satan represents man as just another animal, sometimes better, more often worse than those that walk on all-fours, who, because of his "divine spiritual and intellectual development," has become the most vicious animal of all!
8. Satan represents all of the so-called sins, as they all lead to physical, mental, or emotional gratification!
9. Satan has been the best friend the church has ever had, as he has kept it in business all these years!
Eleven Rules Of The Earth
1. Do not give opinions or advice unless you are asked.
2. Do not tell your troubles to others unless you are sure they want to hear them.
3. When in another's lair, show him respect or else do not go there.
4. If a guest in your lair annoys you, treat him cruelly and without mercy.
5. Do not make sexual advances unless you are given the mating signal.
6. Do not take that which does not belong to you unless it is a burden to the other person and he cries out to be relieved.
7. Acknowledge the power of magic if you have employed it successfully to obtain your desires. If you deny the power of magic after having called upon it with success, you will lose all you have obtained.
8. Do not complain about anything to which you need not subject yourself.
9. Do not harm little children.
10. Do not kill non-human animals unless you are attacked or for your food.
11. When walking in open territory, bother no one. If someone bothers you, ask him to stop. If he does not stop, destroy him.
Nine Satanic Sins
1. Stupidity
2. Pretentiousness
3. Solipsism
4. Self-deceit
5. Herd Conformity
6. Lack of Perspective
7. Forgetfulness of Past Orthodoxies
8. Counterproductive Pride
9. Lack of Aesthetics
All in all, its self preservation.
NO.
"That explains why you're not mean and such like a devil worshipper would be."
GAH. Devil worshipers arent "mean". THat's also an ignorant assumption. I know plenty of actual devil worshipers that are more kind and sweet than I am, and have a much kinder demeanor. I'm not that "nice and sweet" like people make me out to be...but I take what I can get nowadays. Dont ASSUME anyhting about anyone. THat's just ignorant. That's like telling you that because you're CHristian, you're automatically narrow-minded and and a complete baffoon. NOT TRUE.
"Sorry about that misunderstanding."
THere is still a misunderstanding from what I can tell....
"Where did you learn of this? Who taught you?"
I learned from my own exploration in philosophy. I love philosophy and have taken many classes on the issue.
I taught myself. I read the books, and everyhting. It just made more sense to me than any other pious or religious nonsense out there.
"I bet there's a lot of people that don't really know what Satanism is."
You....have...no...idea... *rubs temples from the amount of stupid people are*