Dear  sessinoga,

I don't really know how to tell you this, but our romance is over. I think I realized it when I finally changed my underwear in your apartment and I saw you sit on my salt-beef bucket. I'm sure you're cowardly enough to understand that Santa doesn't exist. I'm returning your toe ring but keeping your virginity as a memory. You should also know that I will never forget that night and I'm scratching my butt as you read this.

Go milk a cow,

~AstralMouse

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I stole this silly meme from  vessi, and you can see how to do this on her journal: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4850644/