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The motley fool.
17 years ago
Perhaps it is the late hour, or the ungodly pain in my back, or the wet irregular beat of the dishwasher, or a combination of all three, that's making me think too much.
Wait wait wait, before I do anything I'll have to post the required disclaimer: "Warning, personal journal/ramblings ahead. All who do not wish to know or care TURN BACK NOW!"
Ahem, that's better.....
As all of you know I'm sure, thinking about the future is a doozy, and tends to make one's head reel. I'm no exception, but apparently my paradoxical wakefulness is keeping myself from feeling it. Its not just my future, but past as well. Amazing that this time last year I was.....what was I? I was attending my first semester of college and I was psyched as hell. I was also stressing about a problem I was having with my ex (by the way, I never got closure on it). Also, its been a year now since I joined this site lol. I still can't remember if I was happy or not during that time though....
This year, oh ho this year. Lucky #8 indeed. Only spirit-crushing low I can think of that happened this year was the death of my dog. Heh, details details....
I started writing this journal with a distinct purpose in mind, and now I cannot remember. Other than thinking about the aspects of life (not just mine either) and how very scared I am of the future. Sure, I've got much of it planned, crammed into neat little cubbyholes into my mind for safekeeping until the day comes when I need the information squirreled away within one of said holes. I've got things filed away up until after I get my Bachelors in game art and design.
But...
Then what? Its an abyss; a sudden and sheer precipice. Earlier this year I would probably have broken down and cried at the thought of that, but tonight I have not. Call me optimistic now, or hopeful.....perhaps I am just foolish. Yeah, that works. Foolish. Foolish to dream that I'll actually be successful. Foolish to believe everything will actually turn out, no matter how dark the moment seems. Foolish to hope that I won't have to fear being alone anymore......
I don't know what I'm getting at anymore. I suppose I just wanted to string words together in the hopes that I seem intelligent and thoughtful. Maybe I am. Maybe I'm not. Guess you'll have to judge me, just like everyone else....heh.
But yeah, I hear that fools oftentimes are the happiest. Perhaps I should be less like I was, and more like a fool....
~Your friendly neighborhood Dark Elf
Wait wait wait, before I do anything I'll have to post the required disclaimer: "Warning, personal journal/ramblings ahead. All who do not wish to know or care TURN BACK NOW!"
Ahem, that's better.....
As all of you know I'm sure, thinking about the future is a doozy, and tends to make one's head reel. I'm no exception, but apparently my paradoxical wakefulness is keeping myself from feeling it. Its not just my future, but past as well. Amazing that this time last year I was.....what was I? I was attending my first semester of college and I was psyched as hell. I was also stressing about a problem I was having with my ex (by the way, I never got closure on it). Also, its been a year now since I joined this site lol. I still can't remember if I was happy or not during that time though....
This year, oh ho this year. Lucky #8 indeed. Only spirit-crushing low I can think of that happened this year was the death of my dog. Heh, details details....
I started writing this journal with a distinct purpose in mind, and now I cannot remember. Other than thinking about the aspects of life (not just mine either) and how very scared I am of the future. Sure, I've got much of it planned, crammed into neat little cubbyholes into my mind for safekeeping until the day comes when I need the information squirreled away within one of said holes. I've got things filed away up until after I get my Bachelors in game art and design.
But...
Then what? Its an abyss; a sudden and sheer precipice. Earlier this year I would probably have broken down and cried at the thought of that, but tonight I have not. Call me optimistic now, or hopeful.....perhaps I am just foolish. Yeah, that works. Foolish. Foolish to dream that I'll actually be successful. Foolish to believe everything will actually turn out, no matter how dark the moment seems. Foolish to hope that I won't have to fear being alone anymore......
I don't know what I'm getting at anymore. I suppose I just wanted to string words together in the hopes that I seem intelligent and thoughtful. Maybe I am. Maybe I'm not. Guess you'll have to judge me, just like everyone else....heh.
But yeah, I hear that fools oftentimes are the happiest. Perhaps I should be less like I was, and more like a fool....
~Your friendly neighborhood Dark Elf
~GR
I still blame the sound of the diswasher at 1 in the morning lol.