I don't really know how to tell you this, but The mafia wants you. I think I realized it when you When you put cuffs on me in your car and I saw you hit on my salt-beef bucket. I'm sure you're open enough to understand that your driving sucks. I'm returning your nose hair clippers but keeping your photo with moustache drawn on it as a memory. You should also know that I always wanted to break your legs and I'm scratching my butt as you read this.

Best of luck on the sex change,

~Dumarsi Du La Quay