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7/23/13 Well, bad stuff.
12 years ago
General
Chirp, chirp!
So, first thing on the table: My bf's birthday was today, and I had no idea until ol' Skypie showed up and told me. No, I didn't have any knowledge of the date beforehand. Finally, no, Ken wouldn't tell me. When I inquired as to when his birthday was, since he mentioned that it was coming. He told me that it was 'just one of those things I should know'. No, actually, one of those things I SHOULD know is when Ken will drop the amorous idealism about knowing everything about one another unconditionally and help me out here. Okay, I'm not the finest for gossip, I admit that, but what happened here was a failure to communicate. Dare I say, a REFUSAL to communicate.
I'm not bothered, though. Birthdays don't mean much to me. Where you were born doesn't hold much significance to me, and caring about one's physical age is kinda' like caring about how long you've had a computer: I don't. As long as my body works, and I'm of a healthy MENTAL age, the physical age can go do what have you with what it wants whenever. In fact, I hate the idea of being concerned with physical age. Defining people by how long they've been alive to me is no better than defining people by skin color or gender, in that it's used with a form of discrimination in mind. I don't like the idea that you just have to 'wait' to do something or be recognized as an adult just because you haven't been alive for a certain number of years. That doesn't show much concern as to the person's level of maturity, or how smart they are, or temparate. No, it pastes the label 'Dumb Kid' over them and everyone else who 'isn't ready', even though you know that they, say, already look at porn, and have since the age of ten.
Guh.
I'm not bothered, though. Birthdays don't mean much to me. Where you were born doesn't hold much significance to me, and caring about one's physical age is kinda' like caring about how long you've had a computer: I don't. As long as my body works, and I'm of a healthy MENTAL age, the physical age can go do what have you with what it wants whenever. In fact, I hate the idea of being concerned with physical age. Defining people by how long they've been alive to me is no better than defining people by skin color or gender, in that it's used with a form of discrimination in mind. I don't like the idea that you just have to 'wait' to do something or be recognized as an adult just because you haven't been alive for a certain number of years. That doesn't show much concern as to the person's level of maturity, or how smart they are, or temparate. No, it pastes the label 'Dumb Kid' over them and everyone else who 'isn't ready', even though you know that they, say, already look at porn, and have since the age of ten.
Guh.
I mentioned to you three weeks ago, face to face, that my birthday was coming up "soon." No, I didn't tell you the exact date and yeah, I playfully said that it's something you should probably know after dating someone for 10 months. And then I ALSO playfully told you that you should figure it out on your own and that doing so would be ridiculously easy. Two clicks on Facebook, for example. But I know you don't use Facebook very often, so fair enough. You use Skype just about every day however, and it would also have taken only two clicks of your mouse to have learned my birthdate there. Or a third option, ONE click on Whitetail Woods, which you also frequent nearly every day. Why didn't I just remind you of the date outright (keeping in mind that I HAVE told you the date 2-3 times before)? Was I just "REFUSING to communicate?"
No. I wanted to feel like you gave enough of a damn to actually look it up for yourself. I knew from the start that you had probably forgotten about it all together and that's why I reminded you that it was coming up a whole three weeks in advance. And that's fine. Birthdays are hard to remember sometimes. But I told you it was coming up soon in the hope of avoiding this whole scenario. And I made it blatantly clear that, despite whatever your views on birthdays might have been, that they were important to ME. You just decided not to care, Alec.
I didn't want or need anything really special from you. I don't need expensive gifts to know you care. I would've been more than satisfied knowing that you had just taken enough of an interest to spend 30 seconds looking up my birthdate in order to draw me a brief sketch or wish me a happy birthday when the date arrived. Coming from you, that would've been enough to have made me the happiest boy in the world. But instead I have the pleasure of finding critiques and complaints from you about my personality and character. Yeah, I guess it IS kinda hard to know EVERYTHING about someone when you aren't willing to pay any thought to even the large details, huh?
I apologize for the personal response. I just felt like I needed to get that out.
Just use it instead as an excuse to celebrate having existed at all... and to eat cake. Mustn't forget the cake!