I'm not too sure about myself anymore.....lately....i've been in some sort of depression where I ask myself...who am I...? What am I doing on this earth....And who am I going to be with the rest of my life....?

I ask myself this because....well...my girlfriend of 4 years ended up breaking my heart for someone else....and it hurts deeply....she was the only thing i'd wake up thinking about in the morning, only person i could confide myself in, only person that i thought understood me...and now she's gone, her attention grasped by another man, her heart not mine anymore.....it left a deep feeling inside of me....an empty hole as cliche as that sounds....but it's true....

I always tried to stay optimistic, tell myself i'll be okay, but then I realize i'm just a weird person, into things others would ridicule me for and bash me down.....I even feel like a total Alien in my own fetish community....I don't know too many people into Diapers and the like, and the ones I do know rarely even speak to me unless I speak to them (Except a select few of course, you know who you are) And that in itself makes me depressed, I want to be able to be around people that see me for who i am and don't care/share the same interests I do....but that seems so hard, and puts me in this spiral of lonely depression, having no one to speak too, having no one to love, having no one to see my true self, and at times i'm so upset that i cry out of frustration because i have no other ways to get out these feelings....


I'm sorry for a long venting journal showing up in your inbox..and i'm sure 90% of you guys won't take the time to read this, or even respond....but it's the only thing I could think to do......I'm unsure of myself anymore, and feel like an alien to myself.................