When I was a little kid, I believed I could do anything. If I could think of it, I could be it, and I took that for granted.

Now?

I wish I still thought like that. Now days, I think about "Can I do that?" or rather "I cant do that." For some reason, im really thinking about it. When I was little, I would do things, but now, I dont because of what might happen. Im so afraid of failing, that I dont even consider the possibility of achievement.

Id rather sit back and not draw because I dont like the way it looks, rather than actually draw and get better at it. I notice countless artists who cant draw that well. The difference between them and me is that they actually believe their art is worthwhile. And I kinda wish I had the ability to do that.

Back when I started writing, I just kept going, and going, and going. Tossing out poems and stories whenever I could, writing in my spare time, throwing words onto paper and admiring my work and then sharing it for others to enjoy. And you know what? People did enjoy them, so I wrote more and more. But now, Ive gone back through what ive posted and wondered WHY people enjoyed them so much? I had little to no writing experience, and if I wrote one of those up today, I would delete it before trying to improve it, or better yet just give up on it.

I want to be a kid again, you know? I want that creativity I had, I want that ability to imagine anything thats possible or not. I want that ability again. To just, create the world, change it, imagine different things rather than the same old stuff.

I want the ability to be able to look at what I have and think about how much I improved rather than how much it sucks.

I dont even know what the whole point of this journal was anyway, I wrote it over the course of 3 hours and I kinda just rambled. Eh, might as well post something to show that I still breath