*offers a hug*

Heh, thanks.
/hug/

I'm here for you Minty.

Thanks, lovie. <3

the pulling of teeth or losing teeth generally means you are worried and stressed about a financial situation, I have had many of those dreams when I was anxious about my financial situation. I dunno why, but dreams sometimes do have a set meaning behind them, why teeth falling out or being pulled out is linked to money, but..thats what I was told

Well, that would explain those dreams. I am having some major financial issues right now.

This is the first time I've heard anything of your situation. I'm not meaning to say I've been there or anything like that because it just sounds assy, but this really does resemble much of what I've had to deal with for some time now. I remember feeling a similar hopeless depression.

In my instance I was very afraid because I had no idea how to handle what I thought was a total disassociative stage of my life that would eventually lead to death. Eventually I came to realize that I was weaving in and out of lucidity to cope with how upset I was with the quality of life. Meaning I was still just as passionate about my life but felt so trapped that this passion had become rage and confusion.

The things you're upset about are related to improving your life, you're upset because you cannot seem to obtain what you feel you need to be happy. This is a good sign, you still care about yourself. You're exhausted and afraid, but still participating.

With the job thing, the slumps of being an artist. Much of it seems to be right place right time or good luck. Most of it seems to take time, patience, and persistence and therefore this is one of the few times I don't feel I'm copping out by saying hang in there, it gets better!

Yeah, I try to keep my emotional unbalance hidden. I was raised in a family, where they believe mental health is a crock of shit, and its all in your head. So it has been a natural instinct to hide my issues from those around me. Its pretty effective to keep people off my back, but at the same time I know it is very unhealthy to hide your problems, even from yourself.

I think I still care, but I am so numb to things lately, that I am not even sure about that anymore. And to be honest, I think some of it mental illness, not simply emotional upset from life being so crappy to me for the past months. Mental illness does run in my family. Pretty prevalently. [My nickname is Poe for a reason. I am related to Edgar Allan Poe. He was my great, great, great, great uncle. True story, not a lie.] But the way my parents deal with mental illness, and think everybody should is "Quit being depressed/bipolar. Just stop. Its your brain, make it work." Which is not the case. Ugh. I want to get help, but no money to means no help.

Thanks for the advice. I actually have two interviews this week, so here's hoping on one of those. They aren't my dream jobs, but hey, income will help with my stress levels. And I know how the art thing rolls, it comes and goes. It's been a while since I have had anything coming in, though. But maybe that means it is about time for that to start again. Here's hoping.

Do you think it might be a bad idea to hide your emotional state? Mental illness is a pretty common thing and it's not something to be ashamed of, although sometimes it makes us do some regrettable stuff. I don't know you, but for me if I don't talk about things I find various ways to act on them instead [this creates the overwhelming chaos feeling]. Then when the inevitable day comes that I have to talk to someone, it's really jagged and all over the place and communication is even harder.

Find a place to plug in daily! You'd be surprised what even just one good outlet can do when you're maximum stressed. There's like a 90% chance it's not drugs and drinking, which doesn't have to mean stop them. Just remember they're not getting you out of this. Something else will get you out of this, it's basically a given. The part that seems lethal is finding out what the something is, and that can drive you nuts.

Send a message if you ever need! ♥

Oh, I know its a bad idea. In my family though, I was taught to as a young child. Because those with mental illness were faking it, and it was a sign of weakness. That is what my parents think. I know it is a real thing. I am working on finding a local place to get help [therapy, etc]. I totally understand the jagged communication thing. I have been having problems with that for months now, because I am finally getting to the end of my ropes, and I need to talk everything out. My main problem has been finding someone to talk to about any of this. All of my friends have heard their earfulls and my parents are useless.

Any suggestions for a decent outlet? I am open to all sorts of things. Art used to be my go to; but lately it doesn't seem to be helping anymore like it used to. D:

Thanks for being there even though you don't know me. <3
It means a lot, actually.

Anxiety is a pretty serious thing, even when it's just something we're creating ourselves. If it's here and you can't escape it then you just have to acknowledge it as an actual hurtle in your life or chore in your day. Anxious people are worker bees, so if you beat yourself up about it then you're going to have more work to do. So the fact is here, you receive anxiety from talking about how you feel [even though you want to]. One thing that gets in my way is when I waste time trying to just not be anxious or hating on myself about it. It's not your fault so you don't have to feel guilty about asking for help.

Anyone that would actually talk to you and think they could possibly say 'the magic thing' that makes the anxiety fly away has probably never been anxious before. So I hear you on that, but keep reminding yourself that as long as you [the worker bee] work hard to get better then you just sort of will. Anxiety gets better at the rate seasons change so that feeling of hopelessness can easily feel very rational. Anxiety however is defined as being irrational, so there's kind of a mindfuck and an lol to it. It's okay to poke fun at your situation without putting yourself down, too! Do you try to find humor in the ridiculous measures you take to work around your problems? Sometimes I'll do something ridiculous because I'm confused or angry or whatever...if I stop and think about how fucking dumb it was I can kind of chill for a moment and laugh, even when everything feels terrible.

Anxious/depressed people are extremely typical in how they function, and one thing that's typical is believing that they're not like any of the others. I always thought I was too different and too broken to ever be happy, but eventually found out that's kind of normal. So the statistics alone kind of tell you that you're usually wrong when you're hating on yourself or whatever's wrong. Memory is what always goes wrong for me, like I just can't keep in touch with remembering why I'm a good person or should live. I think it's a good idea to hang onto memories...remember why you make changes and what they are, remember when you're proud of yourself and times when you felt okay. Try to repeat the process that gave you the memory.

I think I managed to rewire a bunch of my brain by doing this. Which apparently also seems typical of anyone who truly deeply intends to overcome their troubles. I don't really even know how, it was through a bunch of fucking up and alot of time. Much of it comes with age and much of it comes with the work you're willing to do. If you work while you're aging then you stand some good odds! Things like putting up this journal are work you're putting into yourself. Lol, it got me talking to you, right?

The best answer I have for you is such a kick in the face, I hate it. But the major answer by a longshot is aging. Your brain chemistry does some outrageous shit in your twenties and you'll be totally different each year, I feel like alot of the anxiety in me got lost in translation. Like I didn't have time for it anymore or I felt like it was just too foolish to keep with me. Less anxiety = less depression.

But you can still do alot today though! Most of it is already stuff you do to stay alive. Odds are if you're depressed or anxious you might be messing up proportions a bit. Try to get some big chunk of sleep whenever you can, whatever works best for your sleep cycle. Staying regular helps, and not over or under doing it. I try to maintain five to six hours a night, when I mess it up I'm basically unstable. Food is big, literally just trying to keep it as close to what's defined as rational as possible. Crappy food will mess with your body, energy levels, and mindset. No food will diminish your energy, enhance negative psych states, and give lucid dreams or nightmares. Food problems will legit have a big outcome on your mood and mindset.

Keeping busy even if you're just wasting time helps anxiety and esteem. Rational drink/drug intake is super incredibly key, and breaks can help if things are out of control. However this is subjective, I smoke weed every second and find it helps my problems. One drink hits me and we're all dead. It's worth keeping an eye on. Creative outlets are better! Haha, the morning after making art normally feels better than the morning after drinking.

I guess if someone isn't talking to you or helping you then just move on. It's not always that they don't care, some people just aren't wired to talk about their feelings or even talk to people much. Some need to share much to love, some communicate or share in other ways, and some just "don't fucking get it". That's everyone...friends, family. So find the person/group/outlet that helps out and use it! Try not to be offended by the ones who don't get it, they're just different.

You can talk to me if you'd like, but as you can see it might cause me to talk alot! So just warning ya :p. Case and point is that it gets better. Just don't get lost with substances and don't think it won't get better. It's so simple on paper. Depression is generally the result of anxiety and basically follows predictable cycles over long and short periods of time. You can map it out, you can work on it, you can overcome it! :D

Message anytime you'd like! Never a bother, and make sure to keep telling people how you're doing!