And now I'm combating songwriter's block again. Another family bullshitslide. I... I dunno. I'm almost about to give up. I don't want to, knowing I have people counting on me. I'm trying my best to hold back the tears. I battle the darkness of who I used to be every day. I don't know how much longer I can hold on. It just keeps getting worse. I'm trying my best to hold it off, but I can't tell if I'm winning. Maybe I need professional help... maybe I don't... all I do know is that I do need help. Please tell me if there's something wrong with me. It just seems I feel like I'm dying inside. Almost everything hurts, not physically though. Again, I'm sorry, I'm trying everything I can to do these things for you, but it seems every time I get close to grasping an idea, it escapes. And... when I do get an idea, it seems just too stupid to continue with it. I'm just... I dunno... I wouldn't be surprised if you guys never trusted me again. I'm just in terrible pain... and I want it to stop. Hell I wouldn't be surprised if you all withdrew your slots and left.

I'm trying to deal as best I can, but I fear I'm fighting a losing battle.