No matter how much i run away form my past, it keeps on finding me and haunting me, it's really making me go insane.My ex has made a FA and she in two months have improved so much in art look at where i am. i haven't buldge one bit.....I'm still the shitty aritst when i joined FA. Also my Freind in RL is freinds with some old freinds my ex knows. So that dosent help one bit everyday i have nightmares over and over again, i can't sleep.......Insianty is the next step i know this i've be on the fray ends of sanity before. And I wish that my ex can accept my apolgize and all my old freinds can come back, but.......they never will and every time i see them online on FA or at any Cons i will realize i haven't moved on bit i'm still that fucking shitty person that i was my ex was right i will never get better......I Don't want two live the rest of my life dealing with this pain......dealing with the FUCKING fact that i screwed up......The pain will get two me shortly followed of me pulling the trigger.....I'm tired of seeing my past, i just want all my old freinds two know i'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything i did two you, i now realize that i was the stupid one i now realize i didn't change and now i realize i can't ever get you guys back.......That is the greastest mistake i ever did in my life.....Y DID I COMMITED SIN. Must of been my fucking hormones, my lust my anger. Also the fact that i'm a fucking liar dosent help, SHE was right i will never get better......God kill me now......So it's only a matter of time for me killing myself or not intentionally killing people around me cause of insanity.......My past haunts me and it will the rest of my pathetic life........So still think i'm the loyal SWD you use two know? If my ex ever see's this idk how she would react, but she would prolly be happy she was fucking right...... heh never thought i was a pile of shit........