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Life Really Enjoys Kicking Me In The Dick Sometimes...
12 years ago
[[I never do this, but ... for the sake of not hurting more people than I already have, I'm editing this journal, and hiding a lot of damaging comments. Despite this, please remember that I'm a despicable monster who is not above attacking people for who and what they are, just because I'm angry. Because of that, you should do your absolute best to hate, criticize, attack, and shun me at EVERY available opportunity. Don't you DARE think I'm trying to hide how awful I am. I'm just trying to lessen the damage others have to endure by reading my insensitive nonsense. I'm still the WORST possible living creature you could ever has the misfortune of dealing with, and you BETTER not forget that. If you don't treat me like garbage, even after knowing how horrid I am, you're an IDIOT. Pure and simple.]]
These last few months have NOT been good ones ... as some of you know, 2 months ago I had Shingles (one of the WORST experiences on my life--it takes a close second to my ball bladder surgery). But then this Saturday ... *sigh* Pookin was in a bad accident while driving home from an arcade on his birthday. He walked away from it with relatively minor injuries (he still needs to get checked by a doctor ASAP to make 100% sure there was no severe damage), but my car, Duke...
...I just got the news today that it would cost more to fix him than it would to replace him. I'm ... heart-broken, really. He was going to be my first car. I'd already taken several driving lessons in him, and was planning on working towards my driver's license after finishing my schooling ... and now that's never going to happen. So many memories with that car. He was the first car I ever had a genuine emotional attachment to. To know I'll never ride in him again, nor someday drive him for myself ... it hurts bad. VERY bad.
A part of me desperately wants to hunt down the irresponsible fuck who blew through a red light and hit him. To just beat him within an inch of his life and then wreck some of HIS beloved property, so he can see how it feels. Take away something that HE loves ... But I know I'll never get that chance. I just feel so ... wronged. Victimized. It feels no different than if someone had walked right up to Pookin beat him up, and then proceeded to smash up Duke with a crowbar. It feels like an assault on two things I love, and there's not a damn thing I can do to even the score or get any kind of closure or retribution. It makes me feel sick ... and helpless.
As much as my heart is breaking over the loss of Duke, I'm so, so, SO grateful I didn't lose Pookin, too. I ... I don't know what I would have done with the rest of my life if anything had happened to him. I can't even say for sure whether or not I could go on. He's my everything. I have no world without him in it...
*sigh* For now, we're getting a rental car today, until we're able to buy a new car between what insurance gives us and what the family can supply. My mom did some searching online today and found other PT Cruisers from around the same year as Duke for around $7000ish, so ... there's some mild hope, at least, of getting a similar car.
But there's never going to be another car quite like Duke ... I'm gonna miss him like hell...
These last few months have NOT been good ones ... as some of you know, 2 months ago I had Shingles (one of the WORST experiences on my life--it takes a close second to my ball bladder surgery). But then this Saturday ... *sigh* Pookin was in a bad accident while driving home from an arcade on his birthday. He walked away from it with relatively minor injuries (he still needs to get checked by a doctor ASAP to make 100% sure there was no severe damage), but my car, Duke...
...I just got the news today that it would cost more to fix him than it would to replace him. I'm ... heart-broken, really. He was going to be my first car. I'd already taken several driving lessons in him, and was planning on working towards my driver's license after finishing my schooling ... and now that's never going to happen. So many memories with that car. He was the first car I ever had a genuine emotional attachment to. To know I'll never ride in him again, nor someday drive him for myself ... it hurts bad. VERY bad.
A part of me desperately wants to hunt down the irresponsible fuck who blew through a red light and hit him. To just beat him within an inch of his life and then wreck some of HIS beloved property, so he can see how it feels. Take away something that HE loves ... But I know I'll never get that chance. I just feel so ... wronged. Victimized. It feels no different than if someone had walked right up to Pookin beat him up, and then proceeded to smash up Duke with a crowbar. It feels like an assault on two things I love, and there's not a damn thing I can do to even the score or get any kind of closure or retribution. It makes me feel sick ... and helpless.
As much as my heart is breaking over the loss of Duke, I'm so, so, SO grateful I didn't lose Pookin, too. I ... I don't know what I would have done with the rest of my life if anything had happened to him. I can't even say for sure whether or not I could go on. He's my everything. I have no world without him in it...
*sigh* For now, we're getting a rental car today, until we're able to buy a new car between what insurance gives us and what the family can supply. My mom did some searching online today and found other PT Cruisers from around the same year as Duke for around $7000ish, so ... there's some mild hope, at least, of getting a similar car.
But there's never going to be another car quite like Duke ... I'm gonna miss him like hell...
But the rental was covered by my insurance, so it's not like it's coming out of our pockets, thankfully. Pookin and my mom left to go pick it up now (part of me wanted to go, too, but ... they also have to stop by the tow truck place to get the rest of our things out from Duke, and I just can't bear to see him in that state, knowing I'm never going to see him again--I know I'll cry and look like an idiot >_<;;), so we'll at least be getting our independence back. We were having to borrow my mom's SUV to go run errands/go out to get things. @_@;;
If there's a hiccup in finding a new car by the time our rental time runs out (they say we'll have the rental for at least a few weeks), the ZipCar thing might actually be a legitimate option, and definitely a more affordable one than taking another rental out of pocket. I'm hoping by then, tho, that we'll have a new car, but ... I know that how things are SUPPOSED to turn out isn't always how they actually DO. =/
But I'm glad pookin is ok and that your over your shingles
But not, no hurt the guy that did it. I don't wanna see you in jail or worse owo
Lets see how many people I can kill before I get a bullet in my face for doing it kinda of shit then
I don't buy that "an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind" pacifist crap. Only people without the stones to put others in their proper place when they step out of line say that nonsense. When someone fucks with you, you need to fuck with them right back. It's the only message assholes like that understand.
So far I have never had to really fight back fist to face.. But people know I'm not to fuck with.
Of course, if I'd been standing there watching the wreck and you were there...I might just turn my back and delay that call to 911 while you dealt punishment. *snickers*
Unless there was a kid in the back of his car.
My family is deliberately withholding his name and other info, tho, because they know in a heartbeat what I would do with it. Prolly for the best, but it does little to take away the sour taste of missed revenge. =/
And secondly ... I, myself, am ALSO Hispanic, so it's KIND of hard to be racist against my own kind. When I'm angry at someone, I'll use anything and everything about them as an insult to try and inflict as much emotional damage as possible, if I can't actually hit them. Be they black, Asian, handicapped, gay, ANYTHING. It's just how my anger manifests. It has nothing to do with a dislike of that race/orientation/group as a whole, but about using something sensitive to do harm towards someone I dislike (or in the case of them not being able to see/hear it, pretending that they can just makes me feel better).
So again ... DON'T judge, please. You literally know absolutely NOTHING about me, the circumstances of why I was so upset, the condition I have that makes dealing with situations like this a thousand times more difficult, and the coping mechanisms I have to use to survive it all. I'm not you. Don't measure me by the standards of by what YOU'D do, or what YOU think is right, because that glove doesn't fit, sir.
I'll re-iterate one FINAL time that I have MY reasons for acting and believing the things I do, for reasons a person like you couldn't possibly understand, and I'm under zero obligation to explain any of that to someone whose proven themselves so untrustworthy. So no. Stay in the dark. We're not discussing this anymore. I asked you nicely the first time to drop it, while giving you about as much explanation as I could at the time, and STILL you press. No more. This is done, now.