I have commissions that people have been waiting on but I am literally just shit ok

I need to do refunds or finish them or something but I'll open up my in-work pictures to start them and I either can't draw or can't draw in that style anymore or something else and I feel like sHIT and I suck at doing anything for anyone other than me because apparently I'm a selfish asshole or something, I don't know why, but I really want to not disappoint people and I'm -$200 in my bank account atm so I can't even do the courtesy of just giving the money back, even though that's what I really want to do.

I am a waste of space and hate myself. hhhhhhuuuuuhhh...

I just want to come into a bunch of money and pay people back and just never take commissions ever again because it's never worth it for anyone to wait this long on me