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When people cry... vent thing
12 years ago
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-Extinct- D:
█████████████████████████████ It's like so sad... I'm looking how people write their vent journals... crying about their sad things and I dunno what I can say. I wish it were easier to expres myself in this language. I wanna help them!
Today read about a girl who was almost over suicide. And I replied her and then she or her bf deleted the journal. I'm really worried about her...
Maybe I shouldn't worry that much, but what I can do if not? I'm here, overstressed, locked at home, talking with nobody, cursing myself for idiot things, fearing the future all the time, and I can't express myself as well as I wish.
I wish to be able to write a big journal, emptying all my feelings. But its really hard because I'm not that talkative person. Its really hard to say what exactly happens to me, and probably it will causes misunderstandings, than if its in spanish or in english.
I feel hurted, and people who hurted me they know who they are. I'm not trusting nobody anymore. I have very few friends here on fA, they know who they are my best friends and they never failed to me. But anymore. I simply dont feel comfy talking with people. I feel lonely, but maybe its better so. I wish to talk with those people who feel bad, and say them "Hey, you're not alone. Come here and forget all your problems" but I can't. Because I feel myself that bad as to being unable to help others. I dunno how to believe in myself, I hate my art, I hate people, I hate myself.
Look, I have something in mind. I'm wishing to get my tablet back, because Im not actually that good in traditional, and I have plains. Very few people know what Im thinking atm. And look, im wishing that, and at same time a half of me is thinking I wont do that, I will not be able to do what Im thinking. I dont believe in myself, how can I do it if even me think I cant? i dunno, really, I dunno.
I know I have some people here who appreciate me. Maybe more than I think. But it seems , though I appreciate it, is not enough compared to how hurted I feel sometimes. But, really, why you do it? It seems im not a very careful person, or even happy, and sometimes I forget to answer a note, or a comment, or to ask how is a person who Im interested for. Im not that good friend. I actually suck as friend. Maybe because of this, people seem to forget me. And I dont really blame them. I mostly blame myself. Today was the first college day at least here in Spain. And I think... uh... If I were different, at this moment maybe I were starting college. Or even going still two years now. But Im a bunch of failures, I repeated course 2 times and finally left bachelor. Though, you know what? If I were approved, I wouldnt go to the college because I dont have monies. People says "money doesnt mean all"... but actually it helps a lot.
Once so many time ago, when I was a child, I went to the psichatrist. She asked me if I had thought in suicide. I was around 10 or 12 and I lied her saying no. And I will never forget that fact, because I've been thinking that for so any years. In fact, whan Im sad I usually hurt myself, biting my arm making it bleed, and I think in hurt myself strongly, but I dont do it simply because it would make my arms look scarred, and it would be a shame for me, looking tat weak. I have some scars on my left arm, because when childI thought I deserved to being hurted when something badd happened, and I tried to hurt myself ecause it made me feel better. Ive never said this efore. The scars are not so big so actually you cant almost see them. My mom asked me about them before, and I said something like they were due to a metallic wall that hurted me when playing. Heh.
But after all, Im here, no? I never did a coward idiot thing that may be suicide. I find it actually a coward thing, I feel bad to those people who finally fall on it. But, it can e a coward thing, but at same rime needs a lot of courage and bravery, because you need to be THAT bad to commite suicide. So bad, really bad. And Im not really that bad, so here I am xD
Anyway. A vent thing. Im really stressed cause I have work to do and Im without tablet, visiting fA all whole day waiting for comments or submissions xD
Im really sorry for all mistakes here, im writting with the phone.
Anyway. Really, thank you. You know. Thank you for being there and talk to me sometimes and dont to forget me. I loves ya.
Today read about a girl who was almost over suicide. And I replied her and then she or her bf deleted the journal. I'm really worried about her...
Maybe I shouldn't worry that much, but what I can do if not? I'm here, overstressed, locked at home, talking with nobody, cursing myself for idiot things, fearing the future all the time, and I can't express myself as well as I wish.
I wish to be able to write a big journal, emptying all my feelings. But its really hard because I'm not that talkative person. Its really hard to say what exactly happens to me, and probably it will causes misunderstandings, than if its in spanish or in english.
I feel hurted, and people who hurted me they know who they are. I'm not trusting nobody anymore. I have very few friends here on fA, they know who they are my best friends and they never failed to me. But anymore. I simply dont feel comfy talking with people. I feel lonely, but maybe its better so. I wish to talk with those people who feel bad, and say them "Hey, you're not alone. Come here and forget all your problems" but I can't. Because I feel myself that bad as to being unable to help others. I dunno how to believe in myself, I hate my art, I hate people, I hate myself.
Look, I have something in mind. I'm wishing to get my tablet back, because Im not actually that good in traditional, and I have plains. Very few people know what Im thinking atm. And look, im wishing that, and at same time a half of me is thinking I wont do that, I will not be able to do what Im thinking. I dont believe in myself, how can I do it if even me think I cant? i dunno, really, I dunno.
I know I have some people here who appreciate me. Maybe more than I think. But it seems , though I appreciate it, is not enough compared to how hurted I feel sometimes. But, really, why you do it? It seems im not a very careful person, or even happy, and sometimes I forget to answer a note, or a comment, or to ask how is a person who Im interested for. Im not that good friend. I actually suck as friend. Maybe because of this, people seem to forget me. And I dont really blame them. I mostly blame myself. Today was the first college day at least here in Spain. And I think... uh... If I were different, at this moment maybe I were starting college. Or even going still two years now. But Im a bunch of failures, I repeated course 2 times and finally left bachelor. Though, you know what? If I were approved, I wouldnt go to the college because I dont have monies. People says "money doesnt mean all"... but actually it helps a lot.
Once so many time ago, when I was a child, I went to the psichatrist. She asked me if I had thought in suicide. I was around 10 or 12 and I lied her saying no. And I will never forget that fact, because I've been thinking that for so any years. In fact, whan Im sad I usually hurt myself, biting my arm making it bleed, and I think in hurt myself strongly, but I dont do it simply because it would make my arms look scarred, and it would be a shame for me, looking tat weak. I have some scars on my left arm, because when childI thought I deserved to being hurted when something badd happened, and I tried to hurt myself ecause it made me feel better. Ive never said this efore. The scars are not so big so actually you cant almost see them. My mom asked me about them before, and I said something like they were due to a metallic wall that hurted me when playing. Heh.
But after all, Im here, no? I never did a coward idiot thing that may be suicide. I find it actually a coward thing, I feel bad to those people who finally fall on it. But, it can e a coward thing, but at same rime needs a lot of courage and bravery, because you need to be THAT bad to commite suicide. So bad, really bad. And Im not really that bad, so here I am xD
Anyway. A vent thing. Im really stressed cause I have work to do and Im without tablet, visiting fA all whole day waiting for comments or submissions xD
Im really sorry for all mistakes here, im writting with the phone.
Anyway. Really, thank you. You know. Thank you for being there and talk to me sometimes and dont to forget me. I loves ya.
I never knew how sad you get. I think you're a nice person, you are talented and should not think that you are useless or anything like that.
I know we do not speak much at all, but i believe in you and i think of you as my friend in a way. You've always been so nice to me, and very friendly
You have people that care about you, friends online that would be upset if something happend to you, please don't hate yourself, i may not know you personally, but from what i have seen and know of you, you're a really lovely senoritá. It's good to empty oyut your feelings, either by crying or typing it out, it is not good to keep it all bottled up.
I hope that you feel better soon.
<3
Christy
I really thank you for being there. As you say, we have not talked too much, but from the beginning you always said cute things to me and always been amazing <3 I still remember first time I saw you in SL and months later I sawyou here on fA and said hiiii x3 We definitely should talk more x3
Its hard not to hate me being myself. I do everything bad and that alls my fault. Thats all... but I always try to do my best with others and try to be amazing for them ;w; And of course I know you all are here. I mostly write vent things to explain you how I feel and because I know you all can help me ...
Thanks, cutie. I hope you and me to be friends in this damn world x3
<3
Of course i'll be here for you when you want to, i would enjoy talking more to you too :3 nomnom.
You do not do everything bad, nuh uh, no way. People will always get upset and lash out no matter what it is you might do, bad or good. It's just how things are.. but I think you're a nice person and you shoul dhate yourself, not when many others love you <3
I would like that~ :3
I'll always be a friend to you because you have been one back, you are a sweet playful wuffie to me. And sometimes I even wonder how someone like you gets into trouble, but even then! I'd hold you in my arms and take care of you if I could, probably take you to places when there is something bad going on to help you forget that there is bad in the world. But for now, all I can do is support you and things.
Please be okay, Ren~ I'd love to chat and draw with you again
Bwah ;w; <3 Its easy to have troubles being me , Im the most doubtful and fearful person in whole world xD ah... i really wish to live near you... near you or near other big friends of mine like you, to can embrace you and have fun together ;-; It means a lot that youre here and I thank a lot your care.
But hey, all people need to pass through bad moments. That makes us stronger. So dont worry, I will not do any silly thing, you know. I will be here for you all as much as I can :3
Thanks, Ben. Love ya so much ma friend ;w;
Take care ,
*Hugs*
Lux
I know is good to vent, and thats why I do. I know y'all are here and I know you can help me with your care to feel better. At least a vent text makes you feel more like free. Its like when a bird is suffering being in a cage and you open the door...
But... at same time you are here, im here too for you. You must know there are people who cares about you :3 I dont wabt you to be bad kay?
Thanks for being there. You saved me once and I will never forget that my friend <3
No sé realmente qué decir de eso, pero realmente espero que tu situación mejore, porque por lo visto ha ido bastante mal... >w< Igualmente, si necesitaras algo, avísame y pídemelo, aunque sea ayuda o charlar un rato, para distraerte. x3 Todos lo necesitamos alguna vez, y si te hace falta, hazlo. ^^ Estoy seguro que tanto yo como muchos más podemos escucharte, o incluso quienes no te han fallado. =D
No suelo hacer vent journals (si así se llaman xD), porque tengo miedo a que "moleste" a alguien por desahogarme con mis problemas. Así que, o me los guardo, o se los cuento a muy pocas personas. Y quizás realmente sería útil expresarlo. ^^ Puedes hacerlo cuando quieras, todos necesitamos desahogarnos. =3
En fin, no sé qué decir más, pero ya sabes que puedes hablar con alguno. ^^ Y son normales los problemas de confianza... Realmente yo ahora los "padezco", si es que se puede decir así. Me cuesta muchísimo sentir que alguien es mi amigo y que puedo confiar en esa persona para contarle todo, porque tras bastantes decepciones, uno pierde las ganas de seguir teniendo esas experiencias... No sé, quizás te pasó como a mí. >w<
Perdón por el tocho, porque al final he hablado hasta un poco de mi vida >////< pero quiero que sepas que no estás sola, y que siempre vas a tenernos apoyándote. òwó ¡Ánimo! ^^
Si deseas charlar sobre ello, sabes que me puedes encontrar todas las noches por el Skype.
Would love to offer my ears and arms to support ya, even if we're both more or less strangers to each other.
Always keep the faith