I miss old friendships dead and gone and those that are barely hanging on. What happened to the good old days the time when people i once knew were there for me and i was too. Who have i become since then? No one i would like to call friend. My minds in pieces. My life a mess but how can i fix all this? I have no clue where to begin with friends or me? I guess that depends on why it all went bad was it because of me and all that i cant stand about me? Is it those people i called friend who in the end have changed? I cant be certain who to blame or if some higher power is playing some twisted game? Why will my mind never stop but nothing good come from it? I have no talent, no friends and all i do is wait for an end to the sadness the ups and down within myself. What is wrong with me!? What is wrong with me?! Who can free me from my tormented thoughts? Not good enough... never will be... always watching... always walking on glass... always wonder who will hate me next. Am i crazy is it all in my head? that is what my boyfriend says. but is he lying can i trust anyone to tell me the truth?? Who am i!? i dont know how is it that i have no clue? Am i mad or just a little OFF! I feel crazy writing this for many reasons one is that i know that no one cares and second is that the people i really want to know that i miss them will never see this message so why am i doing this you ask? Because i cant sleep. My mind is going in circles always worrying always spinning out of control... I bring myself to depression when really the only thing bad about my life is that im jobless i love my bf i love oregon i miss some people that is true but not enough to cause this depression this aching pain within my soul that causes me to crack! To anyone else this is nonsense but to me it makes perfect sense. I dont know if i really want people to read this. you will think im crazy... maybe i am. but really it is a cry for help... i dont want pity i dont want "im sorry" but really i dont know what i want.... my old life where i had my friends but my home life was in such shambles i was afraid to go home or if now that everything is mediocre is better for me? Im in a new place and have no new friends but thats mostly because im afraid to get out and talk to people being judged is so hard for me you see and i know that im a freak and that im really not worth anything but i just wish i was worth enough to have a good friend... one i can hug and laugh with someone to talk about our childhoods with. i had a friend like this but we never talk anymore and that is because neither of us take the time... sorry for my ramblings... plz dont judge me...