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Update - Llama, Drama, and Dreaming of Better Days!
12 years ago
I haven't posted a journal update about myself in a while, so I figured I'd go on a mini-rant to let everyone know how I'm doing and whatnot. I'm actually doing MUCH BETTER thanks to several things, but our finances are currently doing the opposite, being much worse. x.=.x Anyway, here's what's up.
1. I HAVE A LLAMA! =D Yep. I bought a llama. No, she's not at my house (can't have them in the city because livestock). She's staying at the non-profit/farm I've been away helping out by running fundraisers, bake sales, and camping at to help get the place cleaned up, built up, and cleared of lots of weeds. I'm apparently their official weed picker, since that was literally half my weekend. 160 acres, I have found, contains BILLIONS of weeds. x.=.x They're bad for my new llama, "Lovely Lucy" (her registered show name! We just call her Lucy.), so I've been going around pulling them up as I can. Why did I buy a llama? I have found a new LOVE of the species and decided they are what I want to do with my life. I have finally found the answer to the age-old question, "What do you want to do when you grow up?" I want to train llamas. Yes, train. Llamas are prefect in every way, as I will explain in detail later. Anyway...
2. I've been dealing with all kinds of personal drama. I finally finished my new PTSD therapy, at least for my original trauma, and it's helped a TON. I'm doing much better and feeling a lot happier about myself and my life. This coincided nicely with finding out how much I now love llamas, and being around (and now owning) llamas has made me feel tremendously better! I'm trying to inch myself back into drawing, but so far all I've managed to draw is Lucy. =/ I'm still having issues coming to mental terms with the adult artwork I've been drawing in the past, so I'm afraid it's still on hold. But at least I can attempt to work on some clean artwork and start getting back in the swing of things... So yes, hopefully I'll be posting art again soon... once I figure out how to set up my scanner again.
3. The future! I'm now looking quite happily toward the future and trying to stay positive. I'm enjoying interacting with my new llama and helping out at the farm that is letting me keep her there for free to guard their cattle. I think in the long run I can make some serious income, even with all my problems, by working with llamas. Unfortunately, getting started is going to be really rough. It's already put a real strain on our limited finances, and to get started in earnest, we need a TON of start-up money. My disability still hasn't had a court date scheduled, and I'm sure the recent government shut down will postpone it even further. Ragnar has horrible credit for reasons out of his control, and I have no income, so we can't get a loan for any of it even if we could afford more monthly bills. As it stands, we apparently could not afford moving to a house and have been spending several hundred dollars more a month than we've been making. Part of that is due to having roommates who didn't pay us the rent they agreed to. Part of it is the power and gas bills being outrageously higher than we had planned on. And part of it is because of unforeseen problems in our new home. Our house, as we found out, had termites and ants and mice (still have mice). We've had an ongoing argument with Terminix who said they would fix the problem and haven't but still expect us to pay them nearly $2000. All this points to "go out and get a job," but I'm in the process of filing a disability case for good reason. I can't bring myself to go out in public, and have too many health problems to hold a stable job. I'm hoping I can make a fair amount working with local llamas (trimming nails, shaving fluff, cleaning pens, etc.) by only doing it at my own pace and as I can with Eevee tagging along since we can't afford daycare and have no family left to help out. However, I can't do that yet because I don't have the equipment (which is over $300), affordable/reliable transportation, or experience (not to mention advertising and connections). We really need to get a pickup truck with a tow hitch and a horse trailer, but we can't afford any of that. If Lucy gets sick or injured and needs to go to the vet, we'll have to rely on others' good will to let us borrow a vehicle and trailer and set up a pay plan with a vet we've never seen. Ragnar reminds me regularly that we really should not have bought a llama right now (and that he is thoroughly uninterested in them and wants to hear nothing about them even though I'm obsessed with them and spend hours a day learning about them), but he can't deny that it has helped me greatly. Cornel helped me get the money to get Lucy, who was a steal at $150 (including delivery). Thank you again a million times over! *hugs him* She's super awesome and I will take excellent care of her, but before I can do so, we have to come up with the money for all the stuff she needs. Once we can take care of Lucy, taking care of any number of other llamas shouldn't be an issue. It's just that the appropriate grooming tools are over $300, appropriate transportation is another several thousand we don't have, and the cost of gas alone to go see Lucy on the weekends is about $50 a weekend that we can't afford right now. x.=.x I feel bad for not having taken her to a vet yet, but we really have no way at all to do it and/or afford it. =(
Relatedly, we won't be going to Oklacon for the first time since we first met and fell in love there in 2009. =( We even found a babysitter at the last minute and have a kickass new tent, but they're out of tent spaces. We can't afford any other arrangements, and I have too many issues to sleep in the public A-frames or in a vehicle. Alas, our finances suck right now, so we'll just have to stay home (or more likely, be out at the farm tent camping there and visiting Lucy again). It sucks even more because my husband was really looking forward to this years' theme. He's been a big RPG fan since... well, the original Dungeons and Dragons. >.=.< I feel awful that I can't make money and take him out there to enjoy himself and play games, show off our new medieval pavilion tent, and march around in his armor and/or the fursuit he was supposed to have for Oklacon (which also fell through... again. ;.=.; ). I wish we would have never moved to this stupid house and just let it have gotten repo'ed when Dad died so we could afford to do what we really want to. But now we're stuck paying off Dad's mortgage for a house I'm still not willing to let go of because of the death of someone I can't accept as being gone. v.=.v, If we had stayed in our apartment with our one car, we could afford our bills and could have a good farm truck with a trailer and could buy our own farm outright next year instead of paying off this POS house over the next four years or so before we can even afford our own bills without relying on the obviously untrustworthy income of having roommates. This is what I get for not wanting to let go of the past and for trusting other people with my future. I wish I could just force myself better, go out and get a decent job, and then afford to do what I want to do. ;.=.; Oh well. Such is life. Hindsight is 20/20...
So to recap...
TL;DR: Doing better. Hope to be doing art again soon. Have a llama. Have financial problems. Need money to make money. Fuck the government screwing everyone over. Llamas are the greatest animals in the world, as I will elaborate in my next journal.
That is all. Thank you.
1. I HAVE A LLAMA! =D Yep. I bought a llama. No, she's not at my house (can't have them in the city because livestock). She's staying at the non-profit/farm I've been away helping out by running fundraisers, bake sales, and camping at to help get the place cleaned up, built up, and cleared of lots of weeds. I'm apparently their official weed picker, since that was literally half my weekend. 160 acres, I have found, contains BILLIONS of weeds. x.=.x They're bad for my new llama, "Lovely Lucy" (her registered show name! We just call her Lucy.), so I've been going around pulling them up as I can. Why did I buy a llama? I have found a new LOVE of the species and decided they are what I want to do with my life. I have finally found the answer to the age-old question, "What do you want to do when you grow up?" I want to train llamas. Yes, train. Llamas are prefect in every way, as I will explain in detail later. Anyway...
2. I've been dealing with all kinds of personal drama. I finally finished my new PTSD therapy, at least for my original trauma, and it's helped a TON. I'm doing much better and feeling a lot happier about myself and my life. This coincided nicely with finding out how much I now love llamas, and being around (and now owning) llamas has made me feel tremendously better! I'm trying to inch myself back into drawing, but so far all I've managed to draw is Lucy. =/ I'm still having issues coming to mental terms with the adult artwork I've been drawing in the past, so I'm afraid it's still on hold. But at least I can attempt to work on some clean artwork and start getting back in the swing of things... So yes, hopefully I'll be posting art again soon... once I figure out how to set up my scanner again.
3. The future! I'm now looking quite happily toward the future and trying to stay positive. I'm enjoying interacting with my new llama and helping out at the farm that is letting me keep her there for free to guard their cattle. I think in the long run I can make some serious income, even with all my problems, by working with llamas. Unfortunately, getting started is going to be really rough. It's already put a real strain on our limited finances, and to get started in earnest, we need a TON of start-up money. My disability still hasn't had a court date scheduled, and I'm sure the recent government shut down will postpone it even further. Ragnar has horrible credit for reasons out of his control, and I have no income, so we can't get a loan for any of it even if we could afford more monthly bills. As it stands, we apparently could not afford moving to a house and have been spending several hundred dollars more a month than we've been making. Part of that is due to having roommates who didn't pay us the rent they agreed to. Part of it is the power and gas bills being outrageously higher than we had planned on. And part of it is because of unforeseen problems in our new home. Our house, as we found out, had termites and ants and mice (still have mice). We've had an ongoing argument with Terminix who said they would fix the problem and haven't but still expect us to pay them nearly $2000. All this points to "go out and get a job," but I'm in the process of filing a disability case for good reason. I can't bring myself to go out in public, and have too many health problems to hold a stable job. I'm hoping I can make a fair amount working with local llamas (trimming nails, shaving fluff, cleaning pens, etc.) by only doing it at my own pace and as I can with Eevee tagging along since we can't afford daycare and have no family left to help out. However, I can't do that yet because I don't have the equipment (which is over $300), affordable/reliable transportation, or experience (not to mention advertising and connections). We really need to get a pickup truck with a tow hitch and a horse trailer, but we can't afford any of that. If Lucy gets sick or injured and needs to go to the vet, we'll have to rely on others' good will to let us borrow a vehicle and trailer and set up a pay plan with a vet we've never seen. Ragnar reminds me regularly that we really should not have bought a llama right now (and that he is thoroughly uninterested in them and wants to hear nothing about them even though I'm obsessed with them and spend hours a day learning about them), but he can't deny that it has helped me greatly. Cornel helped me get the money to get Lucy, who was a steal at $150 (including delivery). Thank you again a million times over! *hugs him* She's super awesome and I will take excellent care of her, but before I can do so, we have to come up with the money for all the stuff she needs. Once we can take care of Lucy, taking care of any number of other llamas shouldn't be an issue. It's just that the appropriate grooming tools are over $300, appropriate transportation is another several thousand we don't have, and the cost of gas alone to go see Lucy on the weekends is about $50 a weekend that we can't afford right now. x.=.x I feel bad for not having taken her to a vet yet, but we really have no way at all to do it and/or afford it. =(
Relatedly, we won't be going to Oklacon for the first time since we first met and fell in love there in 2009. =( We even found a babysitter at the last minute and have a kickass new tent, but they're out of tent spaces. We can't afford any other arrangements, and I have too many issues to sleep in the public A-frames or in a vehicle. Alas, our finances suck right now, so we'll just have to stay home (or more likely, be out at the farm tent camping there and visiting Lucy again). It sucks even more because my husband was really looking forward to this years' theme. He's been a big RPG fan since... well, the original Dungeons and Dragons. >.=.< I feel awful that I can't make money and take him out there to enjoy himself and play games, show off our new medieval pavilion tent, and march around in his armor and/or the fursuit he was supposed to have for Oklacon (which also fell through... again. ;.=.; ). I wish we would have never moved to this stupid house and just let it have gotten repo'ed when Dad died so we could afford to do what we really want to. But now we're stuck paying off Dad's mortgage for a house I'm still not willing to let go of because of the death of someone I can't accept as being gone. v.=.v, If we had stayed in our apartment with our one car, we could afford our bills and could have a good farm truck with a trailer and could buy our own farm outright next year instead of paying off this POS house over the next four years or so before we can even afford our own bills without relying on the obviously untrustworthy income of having roommates. This is what I get for not wanting to let go of the past and for trusting other people with my future. I wish I could just force myself better, go out and get a decent job, and then afford to do what I want to do. ;.=.; Oh well. Such is life. Hindsight is 20/20...
So to recap...
TL;DR: Doing better. Hope to be doing art again soon. Have a llama. Have financial problems. Need money to make money. Fuck the government screwing everyone over. Llamas are the greatest animals in the world, as I will elaborate in my next journal.
That is all. Thank you.
So is cost really the only thing keepin you all from doing Oklacon?