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Well, I did get an email a few weeks back titled: Penises want bigger men now?? NO WAIT LONGER, BIGGER MEN NOW.

XD

Oh god, the sexual spams are some of the most amazing ones! XD

I still remember when I received one asking if I wanted to make my penis have rock-hard erections and increase cum production in 500%.


I don't even have a penis hahaha.

I know right?! LOL I am distinctly penis-less even though every time I open my spam, all I see are titles about "you want bigger penis please now " XD

It's because they are, obviously, not sent to people with demographics in mind. Just mass-sent, hence why it's 'spam'. And it exists specifically because unintelligent and self-conscious men are easily coerced into worrying about their manhood.

xD I'm aware that they aren't sent to people with any information aside from an email address available. I was commenting on it because I found humor in the situation.

I kept getting emails from the F.B.I. stating they needed my information for some investigation.
So I forwarded them to the F.B.I. as impersonating any form of them is a felony. 8D

My ex-father-in-law got this one alot.

Joins in.. Let me open my spam folder.

Ok. title alone wins for me: Скидка 50% на игры 2K, предзаказ SimCity Города Будущего и возвращение Flashback!

Clearly, a Russian friend you forgot you had is having traumatic flashbacks about their SimCity days and needs you to console him.

Just 50% of that was traumatic. He most of bought the game on the first day.

You get a cookie for nailing that response. First thing I'd said to myself was 'aw damn, left the 50% part out,'

I got from hotmail needing my password <_<
Many penile enlargement. I tried once to send a picture that i am big enough, i dont need bigger :|

Good response. XD

An ukrainian priest once solicited my aid to secure a sum of several hundred thousand dollars of war loot he had found from Iraq, and he wasn't willing to go to the church with this money.

Any time I get an email from a "sexy stripper" saying she wants to meet me.

Went to look at spam since I haven't in a bit. Amidst all those enlargement e-mails...

...I CAN SAVE UP TO 85% ON PRINTER INK CARTRDIGES AWWWW FUCKIN YEAH! With another 10% coupon!

Gotta save dem Ink Cartridges yo'!

in danger of completely missing the point that is easily possible tho :x

i got a bunch saying something about my bank account and money or something lol i dont got no bank account

I think the best one I ever got was that 'Lord Peacock' of the something nation, wanted to do me two favors. One of which was to give me a million dollars. The second, was to give me a bigger penis.

Thanks Lord Peacock... but I think I'll pass. XD

Glorious name :D

"Did you get your daily 927zjs4mr9m already?"

Yeah I sure did xD

I've been faked out by spam before, such as the ones that exactly copy LinkedIn invites, where the 'unsubscribe' link leads to spam.

In one day i got:

Penis growth formula!

Enhance your breasts!

Find STD POSITIVE singles near you!

---

Just who the FUCK do they think they are contacting?

awwwwwww I never get spam! Am I that avoidably lame!? ;n;

FORWARD BLIZZARD ACCOUNT DEPART

ACCOUNT SECURE IN JEOPARADY

CLICK TO RESTORE

YOUR ACCOUNT IS INVESTIGATED

SOMEONE HACK INTO YOUR FILE

PLEASE SEND US YOUR ACCOUNT INFORMATION

Ectually, my spam filters are quite good.

NO COST VIP PASS TO LOCAL SLUTS <--- Wow...just wow... xD

Also someone called SexKitten "noticed by FB profile and wants to chat with me" and sometimes those spam messages where it's about me increasing the size/cum production of my penis

Too bad I'm a female but man, these are so hilarious to just recieve at times! XD

How very generous of Dr. Salam :3

These mails are usually pretty similar. "X wants to give you Y millions, just give him your credit card details!" or "Click here to restore your World of Warcraft account!", just in terribly broken english...

The worst spam I got actually wasn't in an email. I got a real letter in the mail from some dubious "lottery company". There was a "check" in there over 70€ and all I had to do was sign it and send it back to them.
But when I read the fineprint it said that when I sign it I agree to playing their weird lottery which costs 70 bucks a month! And not a single word of them actually sending me 70€.
What concerned me the most was that my bank account details were in there as well... So naturally I threw it away.
A week later I was checking my bank account and someone was actually just about to pull 70€ from it! I used online banking software that showed me all the transactions that are currently in progress.
Luckily here in Germany you have 6 weeks to get back your money, so I went to my bank, explained what happened and they stopped the transaction right away.
One week later I got another letter that said I "successfully canceled my contract with them" even though I didn't sign anything at all.

Darn! :o
You were lucky!

Meh, not really^^ They did get my bank account details afterall.
And since getting my money back wasn't a problem it all (and since it never really left my accound) it was more like a mild annoyance than anything else XD
I was just really pissed off :P

For me, it's those ones like this:

"Dear [username],

It's been so long since I've heard from you. Did you get my last email? I think of you constantly. When will we be together, my love? Blah blah blah x 300 words.

Your soulmate,
[Woman's Name"

I got a spam mail where the title included very helpful "{NOT SPAM}"
they're getting sneaky!!

A 'Princess from Nigeria' wanted to leave her country and just needed my account numbers so she could send me two million dollars stating I could keep half for safekeeping it.... I don't even think they are trying anymore...

Spam alllllll comes down to mailing lists, you've signed up for something somewhere along the line to cause it

I got a bunch of "Diablo III account locked - action required" until couple of months ago even though I've never had anything to do with that. Many blizzard accounts and guild wars too. None of which I never even considered using. Oh and about 1 "Viagra & Cialis 30€ Online pharmacy" a day.

My favorites are the ones that are complete nonsense, as in not even trying to sell a product or service. The most recent weird spam I gotten was just "You received my last email" as both subject as body. I think it was some kinda scam attempt at making me reply and drag me into something but.... ah well.

Many years ago I received an E-mail from "Ahmed Bazira". Instinctively, I deleted it without opening or reading the E-mail.

No weird spam e-mails notable enough to remember.

But like once a year for the last ten years I get someone adding me on instant messenger thinking I'm some dude named Kevin. I call her (50/50 chance, right?) Chinese Retard Girl because she always has profile details of being from China, speaks in broken English, and yet despite me having that particular hotmail account for the better part of two decades, always accuses me of having hacked her friend Kevin's account.

Every six months to a year this happens. "o hei kevin" "Oh, it's you again Chinese Retard, oh how I've missed you." "wtf ur not kevin, y u hack his accnt?"

Each time I've been ramping up the silliness in the conversation. I vaguely remember something about gummi bears coming to kill me, but only the watermelon ones. General kookie, weird, borderline paranoid schizophrenic bullshite. And also something about me admitting to having eaten Kevin's soul.

But Dr. Salam offered ME that money!

Clearly we will have to battle to the death for it >:C

No. I don't even get spammend! D:

I once got a tracking notice from USPS.com. Yeah, that's legit.

What is wrong with usps.com? I'm not american but when I google them usps.com is their regular website :O

Huh, so it is. Ah. well, it was still a phishing email trying to get a link to investigate a package you didn't expect.

I love messing with them.
Create a fake Gmail account with none of your real details and some weird fake persona and reply to their messages.
(They send most of them out using mass mailers, so there's way too many addresses for them to keep track of all E-mails they've sent them to, so chances are they won't spot that your address is new to them).
Then just play along quite happily with them until it gets to the bit about sending money. Then you can invent all sorts of bizarrely humorous incidents that apparently prevent or delay you from sending the money. Such as being involved in a tragic zeppelin collision on the way to the bank, or being abducted by aliens, or you were just on your way to send the money when you decided to stop off at a local theme park and were attacked by rampaging dinosaurs and a velociraptor ate the money!
Just keep stringing them along and wasting their time until they snap and start hurling hilariously mis-spelled insults at you, hehe

I dont do that anymore but that IS inventive! xD

The best one I've heard about is someone who created a fake character and kept one of those scammers on the hook for ages.
Then they had their fake character die in an accident and created another fake character who E-mailed the scammer about tidying up any remaining financial affairs of the dead character, basically restarting the whole process from scratch again, hehe.

There's a site called 419 Eater that has a whole community devoted to this
I used to be a member there back in the days when I had a lot more spare time than I do nowadays.

I mean its not like they dont sniff it so I wouldve ongoingly squealed when the spammer had to restart all over with gullible.2
the borderline raging sighs in every word of every sentence x) [/relapse]

I got a call one time where the caller ID came up "NOT A COLLECTER"
It was great.

Nigerian prince and I are like best bros, no lie. He sent me so many emails.

For me every spammer thinks I'm a raging lesbian because I keep getting things about sexy women.

I've received the most notorious one. It's one from the bank saying that they were breached and the thief got away with the password list. So the E-mail nicely ask to go change your password ASAP to something else. For your convenience here is a link to the log on screen.
The only problem is that it's not linking to the "bank.com" but to "bank.com.alkamy.yourintrouble.net" LOL

I did click on the link just to see, And guess what, it was an exact copy of the bank site, but if you ever put your password in there then you were cooked!
So what I did is to report the address to the fraud dep. of my bank.

i had a spam that was like

"Dear mister/mrs draco

we have lernt that tyou are sad

you nerd halp

see doctor now

call *********
and please give your cred details

thank you fer your time"


this was a real e-mail

You nerd?? HALP!

i beleave they were trying to say you need help but in the e-mail was you nerd halp

I believe they need help in that case. Lmao

My Spambox is like a rollercoaster of imaginative crap trying to scam me.

From that widow in India/Africa/etc that wants to sent her money somewhere safe, to people caring very much about my sexual health and penis size, to Blizzard telling me I shouldn't sell my accounts every week... I feel bad for not keeping them somewhere. XD

I got an e-mail from a high-school girlfriend a while back. She told me she had been thinking about me a lot lately and was eager to renew our relationship now that she'd moved back to town. She went into...intimate detail... about what she wanted to do with me. She just needed me to connect to this contact site she used so that we could make arrangements.

Of course, I was a little surprised by this since a) I never knew anyone with that girl's name before, and b) I never dated anyone in High School.

For some reason I keep on getting penis enlargement spam mails....it's hilarious and sad..

The best I had was sent by NotSpamMail and inside it had a link that said 'This is definately a link you can trust'

Haha wow. I get a lot of Dating Site spam
Oh, and every so often penis enlargment XD
One I got was about growing thicker hair wtf
I'm 20 and have all my hair!

Enlarge your penis by 10 inches!

Yeah, like if it could fit anywhere by being almost a feet wide >..>;

I had to check my spam box xD

I think the funniest one I have is "Intriguing event STARK NAKED packing suitcases!"

Stark naked suitcases huh? Indeed I am intrigued!

-insert tasteless jokes about being empty and waiting to be filled here-

BUT NAE, YOU'VE WON A LIFETIME SUPPLY OF BUTTS!
ACT NOW AND RECEIVE A FREE SAMPLE OF BUTTFLOWERS ™

After reading all the previous, having your comment here like this at the end was perfect. :D

Hahaha, glad it was enjoyable.

Got a bridge to sell in Brooklyn.

Not strictly spam, but I got a call a while back from some South Asian guy claiming to be working for Microsoft, informing me that my computer was severely infected. He requested that I download some malware to give him access to my computer so he could fix it, but I was having none of it. Every claim of proof that he made, I researched it in realtime and gave him the third degree over it. By the time 45 minutes had passed he was obviously in tears. I told him flat out that I did not trust him and would not do as he asked, at which point he bitterly exclaimed something like, "Fine, then your computer will melt!" I was howling with laughter as I hung up on him.

I never get spam mail like that. Xp

the problem I have with sexually related spam... is I have no one to share a rock hard larger penis with >.<

and I detest getting dating spam... I've tried most of those sites before, and all they do is take your money. none of those women are real

I've actually got one in my spam folder now:

"Hypnotize any women into sleeping with you"

I don't know about you but I've never tried to hypnotize any women into sleeping with me.

I don't know if anywhere else has this problem but in Canada we get a lot of spam phone calls with automated voices saying "Congratulations! You have won ____________" usually a cruise or something like that, annoying as hell but funny because of what companies they try to convince you they are with, like Airmiles (I'm not an airmiles customer) and WestJet (My boyfriend works at WestJet so I know they wouldn't be call me with an automated message XD)

As for emails, my favourite emails are the ones offering Sexy Russian Brides! I've always wanted a mail order bride so I was so glad they upgraded to email instead of snail mail!

My favourite is living in Canada and getting ads for "CHEAP CANADIAN PHARMACEUTICALS! DON'T PAY US PRICES ANYMORE!"

I never did, sirs!

"Chinese Beauties...Your Exotic Flower Awaits You‏"

Thats all I have. I am greatly disappointed in you email.

Master Seducer

A strange secret that allows you to control women's minds.

Not sure if spam

Or if I do have a long lost uncle in Iraq who wants to leave me his fortune.

I used to have a list of Russian sites that I thought were hilarious

My favorite one recently was where my financial aid instructor had her email hacked and they sent out several hundred emails asking for a repeat of personal info.

I didn't respond, cause in my opinion if it is important they should call me about it. O.O I just hope nothing happened to others.

Also had my number sold and used as a call back number for fake bill collections. I get at least 2-3 angry voicemails a day from people pissed off at 'me' for calling and harassing them at work for money. Or at their home.

I try telling the people that call, some listen and others go off and call me a liar...ha..ugh its awful.

One of the spam emails I got was called "Sexy Blonde Hovercraft For Sale" it was odd.

"Hi, I'd like to share a portion of my winnings from the UK Lottery with you!" And, my dad fell for it. Personally, I just delete all the junk I get and pay it no mind.

my experience is that i keep getting emails for "hot Asian girls today" and im like dafuq? lol

I used to get spam emails that were formed from random sentences from books or something. Ended up with very interesting poetry.

The usual. Enlarge your *ahem* organ to monstrous sizes, help a Nigerian prince reclaim his fortune, be healed of any ailment with my magical über-cream... My e-mail account is almost 12 years old, so it's tasted almost every kind of spam imaginable.

I remember a time when I started getting emails from a 'Leather Bears' website. They kept advertising their beefy, hairy guy porn. Not sure who signed me up for their weekly newsletters, considering I'm not even into that o_o

I don't remember it completely, but it was basically "Rihanna was stripping on Times Square. She's trying to be smart. take a look here", followed by a link.

"An extra inch and you become the love guru!"

Because size equals skill. No really.

Also all in caps:

"LIMITED TIME FREE ACCESS TO LOCAL SLUTS!"

...if they're sluts, are they ALWAYS free access? Why limit things now?

I was about to post the EXACT SAME ONE. We should visit them together. It is free, after all. Afterwards we can compare diseases we picked up.

Many years ago I once got a spam email from "Slartibartfast Rogers". Thought that was amusing.

Another time, got an email from some spammers pretending to be my ISP, with a virus attached (I didn't open it, I knew it wasn't anything I wanted). The bottom of the message had a fake "No viruses found in this message" line at the bottom, and I nearly fell out of my chair laughing.

I have a ton of emails from Entertainment earth. Kaplan College, and all sorts of other retarded things. Nothing fancy though. Used to get daily emails about viagra, but I think I blocked them....

I think Adriana21 has been trying to contact me for a year now. She must really like me.

Once, in High School, my Honors English teacher's email account got hacked and sent spam to all the contacts (mostly students) on his list.

I'll never forget the day I got an email from Mr. Sullivan, at the age of seventeen, asking if I wanted to try a free Viagra trial.

"Greetings!

It will be ongoing for further investigation by ArenaNet's employees.

We are concerned about whether your account has been stolen. In order to guarantee the legitimacy of your account, click the link below.
https://account.guildwars2.com/acco.....n-support.html

Once your account authentication has been completed, we will check your account and let you know what we can do for you.

Need help or have questions about your account? Visit our support site: http://support.guildwars2.com/.

The Guild Wars 2 Team"

I don't even play Guild Wars! :D

Oh also:

"A friend of mine told me that I can easily find someone in my area for a discreet sexual encounter without any obligations. This is exactly what I want!

This is my online portfolio:
http://t.co/XXXXXXXX

Call me today!


Naughty me!! "

Seems legit! :V
There was also a link I could click if I don't want to receive mails like this anymore.
Seems even more legit! :V

Some of the more hilarious ones are the ones that hit the stereotypes dead on despite...stereotypes.

I'm sorry Nigerians, but please stop sending me bank schemes :(

The ones I hate are the texts spammed directly to my phone, most of them containing a blank message. I don't even know how to report those >.>