ITS never okay to joke about rape

its a serious and still a common topic

I understand that, I really do.
Did you read the article though?

Is it really fair to say that a victim doesn't have the right to make light of what happened to them if it helps them heal?

To me that is just forcing a person to be a victim again by telling them that they are "bad" or "wrong" for finding comfort in humor. It's another way to make someone feel shame for things that were entirely out of their control.


People are murdered every day and yet no one is saying murder jokes are off the table.

Jeffry Dhammer was a cannibal who murdered young boys and ate them and that was certainly not considered off topic for comedy.

Chris Brown Beats Rhianna and there's nobody saying those jokes are off the table.

Micheal Jackson molested small children and the jokes are still coming YEARS after he died.

It seems to me that saying rape isn't allowed to be the subject of jokes implies that child molestation, murder, cannibalism and spousal abuse are totally not that big of a deal. That since they are ok to joke about they must somehow not be as bad as rape.

In fact it seems like the only subject that is 100% unable to be joked about is the rape of a woman since prison rape jokes never get criticized.

I guess the bottom line for me is nobody is saying rape is ok. Like NOBODY in the history of EVER has said it's ok to rape ANYONE. That's a good thing because rape is bad.

I just don't get why it's ok to joke about other terrible things (dead baby jokes anyone?) but not this one, single terrible thing?

And even more important to me is why is it not ok for a sexual assault survivor to find comfort in any way they can, even if it is a joke?

Another example would be a joke in the new movie This is the End. There are a group of guys helping a girl and they have a conversation (that is comical) about whether or not they are giving off a "rapey vibe" that then goes into an argument about how even saying that meant either he was accusing them of being rapists or he was thinking it himself to have even brought that up. The point is to make people think about how rapists aren't just scary thugs in an alley. They aren't covered in scars. You can't spot them in a line up. They look like anybody and they could be anybody. It's done well, it's thought provoking, it's funny and it's a rape joke.

At their very best jokes are meant to take the wind out of terrible things so that you can really think about those things, they are meant to show you things in a way you've never seen them. That joke is a perfect example. Men don't generally think about what it's like to be a survivor of rape. They can't fathom not trusting anyone because the last time you thought you knew someone and could trust them they took something from you that you can never get back.

I joke about some pretty bad stuff, but I've never found rape jokes all that funny. There's just something about thinking of how painful, humiliating, and scary it would be that just ruthlessly slaughters any tidbits of humor. Granted, I HAVE heard one or two, but the rest fall short. I didn't know that you were a survivor, and it scares me to think that even someone I kind of sort of kind of not really know through the internet can be subject to such a terrible thing.

But I completely agree that joking can take the edge off anything. If you mix it with showing that you do actually care, it can be a potent healing technique to many things, both psychological and physical.
And now I've made myself start crying.
Dammit.

People also tend to forget that jokes about rapists (IE how they are pathetic losers that can't get a girl on her terms and must have tiny dicks) are still technically rape jokes. I agree, any joke made at the expense of the victim is inexcusable and barbaric, but to act like an entire subject is off limits to comedy scares the life out of me, no matter the subject.

As far as my own experience with the subject, after years of therapy and a wonderfully supportive family, I feel like I'm over the worst part of it, even though it would be ridiculous to assume it doesn't still deeply effect me. One way it has effected me is to make me an extremely compassionate, sympathetic person and that's something I'm very proud of about myself. I'm certainly not saying it was in any way a good thing but the way I see it I can either dwell on the suffering or acknowledge that who I am today was shaped by every life experience and not just the good ones. If I like who I am, than dwelling on suffering in the past and negative things will only eat away at my spirit and make me an angry, bitter person.

I'm super happy about your bravery, but it still terrifies me. I can barely imagine what I would do if such a thing happened to me, and all the scenarios I can see in my mind are definitely negative.