Eh... it has been a weird few says.... been really mood swingy lately and having some midlife crisis type thaughts (at the age of 18... but I've thaught like that what I was 17, 16, 15, even 14... "I'm not going to live forever, I should do something interesting with my life" kind of thaughts)


I don't know.... I am a bit of a scaredy wolf, so, I don't think I will go get a motor cycle, go hand gliding, go exploring somewhere or whatever else is normally attatched to midlife crisis things...... but... I don't kknow, I do a lot abof thinking, particularly about my own mortality.... I want to leave this world having brightened at least a few peoples lives a little or have some sort of impact.... part of why I want to be a writer... immortalize my thaughts and beliefs and things in a fictional tale for people to find some entertainment in or something... also why I want to be a teacher, sorta... I was a pain in the ass of a student, which makes me think I will be a pretty good teacher, I have more insight to the receiving end of the bullshit and whatever and have a beter idea of how to deal with not just an unmotivated student, but one that simply refuses to work (I did that for a little bit)... id know how to reach a few people that just need a little help getting their shit together.....


*sigh* really, deep down, all I want to do is help people and learn.... that is all I have any real passion for and all I really find enjoyment in... I had fun volunteering last summer at all sorts of places.... and I've always been obsessed with learning things.....
I don't really know where I am going with this... I am half just venting, half rambling... sorry
I'll just... shut up and go to bed now....
Probobly just. Going to die without doing anything helpful to anyone, my children, provided I have them, will probobly hate me, I won't succeed as a teacher and will have to work 2+ jobs to support my family or just work some shit job if I am alone........
Ugh.....
Mood swings suck...


Anyway, night guys and gals...
Sorry if you wasted your time reading this or my other jurnals today



-Yiharbin