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Adventures in Retail: You Can't Fix Stupid
12 years ago
As we descend towards the retail Christmas season, like a plane with both engines out hurtling in flames towards the ground, I find that the truly 'special' individuals are coming out of the woodwork and wanting to shop. These are people that would be better served buying their goods online, and saving the rest of us from dealing with their lunacies. But alas... it is not to be.
I had two back-to-back tonight, twin gems of pure genius. The first one walked up to me and asked to see the bibles. An easily answered question, until we reached the section and she turned to me and said, "Now, will you look up on your computer and tell me how thick the paper is in these bibles? My son needs a bible, and we want to get him one with paper that won't tear easily. He likes to rip it out with his friends." And then she starts handing me bibles. >.> I had to explain that paper thickness was definitely NOT something I could look up, nor could you look it up anywhere else. You had to judge for yourself on the paper thickness, because that's one of the reasons why bibles are generally gently boxed up. So she proceeded to start fondling some of my bibles. I left very quickly.
The second one walked up to my desk within a minute of that, and pronounced herself with a blouse that said, "HI! Take a look at my very large breasts! And for bonus points, have a gander at my nipples, because I'm not wearing a bra, either, and the blouse is thin as a Kleenex!" Eye contact. Her first thing was to proudly announce that her daughter was a guest conductor at the local symphony, and that she needed a conductor's wand. Oh goodie. Because all of these books around me just spell out that we sell conductor's wands. I'd have a better shot at having a Harry Potter wand than a conductor's wand. So being somewhat perturbed that we don't have any, she wanted books about conductors. This was one of those moments when I was glad our computer doesn't have a search function, only titles and authors. Sorry to say, she went away unfulfilled. I did too, but only because I couldn't give her a swift boot to the head. These people, I swear.
Okay, vent mode disengaged. Also, new icon. It's been a Daffy week, so I needed a Daffy icon.
I had two back-to-back tonight, twin gems of pure genius. The first one walked up to me and asked to see the bibles. An easily answered question, until we reached the section and she turned to me and said, "Now, will you look up on your computer and tell me how thick the paper is in these bibles? My son needs a bible, and we want to get him one with paper that won't tear easily. He likes to rip it out with his friends." And then she starts handing me bibles. >.> I had to explain that paper thickness was definitely NOT something I could look up, nor could you look it up anywhere else. You had to judge for yourself on the paper thickness, because that's one of the reasons why bibles are generally gently boxed up. So she proceeded to start fondling some of my bibles. I left very quickly.
The second one walked up to my desk within a minute of that, and pronounced herself with a blouse that said, "HI! Take a look at my very large breasts! And for bonus points, have a gander at my nipples, because I'm not wearing a bra, either, and the blouse is thin as a Kleenex!" Eye contact. Her first thing was to proudly announce that her daughter was a guest conductor at the local symphony, and that she needed a conductor's wand. Oh goodie. Because all of these books around me just spell out that we sell conductor's wands. I'd have a better shot at having a Harry Potter wand than a conductor's wand. So being somewhat perturbed that we don't have any, she wanted books about conductors. This was one of those moments when I was glad our computer doesn't have a search function, only titles and authors. Sorry to say, she went away unfulfilled. I did too, but only because I couldn't give her a swift boot to the head. These people, I swear.
Okay, vent mode disengaged. Also, new icon. It's been a Daffy week, so I needed a Daffy icon.
No seriously you're right.. I have stories from my time managing Walmart and workign Bestbuy PC Sales
That's like going down to the seventh level of hell, and finding out there's a special eighth rung reserved just for Walmart.
I walked upon a woman in the toy department who told her kids "Open them up here, if you like it, I'll buy it for you"
I tried to stop her, but got reprimanded for it because it could discourage a customer from making future purchases in the store....
I BEEN IN IT FOR 9 YEARS AN EVERY YEAR I THINK I SEE EVERYTHING, AN EVERY YEAR I AM PROVED WRONG!
Answer to #1 is an Ebook. Show them your Kobo readers....
I helped out at a Radio Shack last Christmas... an all-male show.... women like #2 came in to be gawked at, or left without asking a question
Enjoy your days there, because as frustrating as they are, they will make for the BEST stories to tell your friends and family!
Yea, I know the feeling on the second story. There were a fair few customers I've had to deal with that looked and dressed like that.
Thank gawd my face is always red what with the amount of blushing I've done over the years after having huge tits practically shoved in my face...
I'm live in Corpus Christi, and our GDP happens to be morons, idiots, and stupid fuck-wits. Our luxury goods also happen to be highly refined imbeciles, and when idiots are not good enough we also can produce FUCKING IDIOTS, for when stupid is just not stupid enough for you.
What you seem to get around the holidays I get year round. :p