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Life Update
12 years ago
General
My Furry Family[/b]
*WARNING* Don't like what I have to say? Bite me.
Let’s see…
1. The man I loved left me. Now he's in a relationship with someone else. I'm happy that he's happy, and with someone that will make him happy, because God knows I couldn't.... but almost a year together is so much to just GIVE UP and pretend that you don't care... I think i care too much still. *sighs*
2. The man I currently have some feelings for is giving me NO signs of serious reciprocated feelings. I shouldn't be upset about this, but for reasons that I should only keep to myself, and between the 2 of us, I would think and hope that we would be on the same page. OOPS! MY BAD! I was having emotions again.. I'll just pick them up and leave you be...
3. My life is crashing down on me and I really want to self harm again but its really hard with so many people around. (good thing? I dont fucking know)
4. I’m all alone again. Friends and family ex-communicated me since I came out as being transgender, and I have no friends close enough to really comfort me. (literally and figuratively) I’m literally on my own again.
5. I’m broke up to my ears and in debt way past my head.
6. The thoughts of suicide are back…. *sighs*
7. I cant afford therapy or medication.
8. The razor blade on my windowsill is starting to look really friendly…
9. My heart is broken and my mind is going in multiple directions and I have no sense of where to start reconstruction, if I even want to try.
10. …I feel like I’ve given up on everything. Like I don’t have any meaning or purpose in my own life. I used to have suicidal thoughts, and I would attempt suicide, but in the back of my mind I had some sort of validity of existence, that if I stayed there was that ONE person that would care and miss me… but I don’t feel that anymore. I feel completely disconnected with my life.
11. I'm dying my hair purple and black soon in some last-resort to make myself feel better... even though I know it wont.
12. I'm gaining weight faster than i ever have. Stress, college-budget meals, and NO time to exercise or even move doesn't help with that.
13. I'm still on the fence about MFF. I wanna go, but I dont want to ruin everyone's time because I'm in a depressed mood. Go or no?
14. I...CANT...FUCKING...SLEEP....AT ALL...LATELY. Even sleeping pills aren't helping. Stress and depression mixed with anxiety is a terrible cocktail.
15. I feel like an emotional whore. Anything for someone to give a rat's ass about me.
16. Not going home for Thanksgiving or Christmas. Dad doesn't want to see my face anymore. YAY! (ugh)
17. Being told "you really need to get over your mom's death now..." is really starting to PISS ME OFF.
18. Debating about deleting my skype, FA, and Inkbunny.
19. Debating quitting art-related endeavors. (dont ask)
20. I ran out of things to say but I wanted a round number. TAH DAH!
Let’s see…
1. The man I loved left me. Now he's in a relationship with someone else. I'm happy that he's happy, and with someone that will make him happy, because God knows I couldn't.... but almost a year together is so much to just GIVE UP and pretend that you don't care... I think i care too much still. *sighs*
2. The man I currently have some feelings for is giving me NO signs of serious reciprocated feelings. I shouldn't be upset about this, but for reasons that I should only keep to myself, and between the 2 of us, I would think and hope that we would be on the same page. OOPS! MY BAD! I was having emotions again.. I'll just pick them up and leave you be...
3. My life is crashing down on me and I really want to self harm again but its really hard with so many people around. (good thing? I dont fucking know)
4. I’m all alone again. Friends and family ex-communicated me since I came out as being transgender, and I have no friends close enough to really comfort me. (literally and figuratively) I’m literally on my own again.
5. I’m broke up to my ears and in debt way past my head.
6. The thoughts of suicide are back…. *sighs*
7. I cant afford therapy or medication.
8. The razor blade on my windowsill is starting to look really friendly…
9. My heart is broken and my mind is going in multiple directions and I have no sense of where to start reconstruction, if I even want to try.
10. …I feel like I’ve given up on everything. Like I don’t have any meaning or purpose in my own life. I used to have suicidal thoughts, and I would attempt suicide, but in the back of my mind I had some sort of validity of existence, that if I stayed there was that ONE person that would care and miss me… but I don’t feel that anymore. I feel completely disconnected with my life.
11. I'm dying my hair purple and black soon in some last-resort to make myself feel better... even though I know it wont.
12. I'm gaining weight faster than i ever have. Stress, college-budget meals, and NO time to exercise or even move doesn't help with that.
13. I'm still on the fence about MFF. I wanna go, but I dont want to ruin everyone's time because I'm in a depressed mood. Go or no?
14. I...CANT...FUCKING...SLEEP....AT ALL...LATELY. Even sleeping pills aren't helping. Stress and depression mixed with anxiety is a terrible cocktail.
15. I feel like an emotional whore. Anything for someone to give a rat's ass about me.
16. Not going home for Thanksgiving or Christmas. Dad doesn't want to see my face anymore. YAY! (ugh)
17. Being told "you really need to get over your mom's death now..." is really starting to PISS ME OFF.
18. Debating about deleting my skype, FA, and Inkbunny.
19. Debating quitting art-related endeavors. (dont ask)
20. I ran out of things to say but I wanted a round number. TAH DAH!
This is not the mommy I know and Im not happy about it.
Dont make me voice my opinions out loud... because if I do you on't like them...