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What are You?
12 years ago
General
Think for a moment as to why you are the creature you are.
Your thoughts, physical form, emotions, desires all mix together to form you. Synapses
fire. Cells divide. Your behaviours form a pattern. You laugh, cry, make jokes and lose
yourself in the elegance of a piece of music.
Each of these things are a part of who you are. It's only a minimum of deduction that
these actions, thoughts and physiology are a sum total of what makes you... well, you.
But where did it come from?
You learned to laugh at certain things because of what you know about how others interact
or react. You learned that touching hot things makes you experience pain. These concepts
are rather simple.
Desire, attraction, taste in creative works and opinions are a tad more complex. Exposure
to different situations can be a big part in forming these aspects of who you are.
But what if there are deeper, more complex concepts about you?
What if you just simply didn't feel...normal?
I could go on about what is 'normal.' It's only relative, really. Basically, the things we
take for 'normal' in San Francisco or Vancouver just don't always play well in Peoria, as
they say.
Some of us just never seem to find that we belong to the grand concept of 'society.' We
don't think like everyone else. We act 'strange' and go about the day feeling like we are
salmon swimming upstream, fighting every bit of the way against the current. We just don't
feel 'normal.'
But why are we like that? What is the reason? The high-level thinking that is so tied to
the concept of 'human' just never seems to resolve itself. Sure, it's easy to act our way
through the day. Put on a smile and play the role as we stumble through the interactions
that demand cohesion. To do otherwise would involve distress.
So we look for reasons. A completely human response. We try to piece it together and deduce
the causes.
The problem that eventually results is that there is no logic to this. We are made up of
ancient DNA that has been imprinted upon for millenia. Biology operates on its own logic.
Some of this DNA may not be human after all.
Humans share quite a bit of genetic code with most mammals on this planet. It's probable
we may have had some sort of genetic sharing in the past.
One of the more interesting discoveries as of late has been the fact that our DNA is
capable of retaining and storing vast amounts of data.
For me, at least, it opens up the possibility that our own DNA may indeed hold ancient
aspects of our common ancestry with creatures that populate this planet.
In the end, I strongly feel that there is more commonality than difference among the
creatures that crawl, swim and slither across this globe. Recognizing that has long helped
me find peace with what I am.
Your thoughts, physical form, emotions, desires all mix together to form you. Synapses
fire. Cells divide. Your behaviours form a pattern. You laugh, cry, make jokes and lose
yourself in the elegance of a piece of music.
Each of these things are a part of who you are. It's only a minimum of deduction that
these actions, thoughts and physiology are a sum total of what makes you... well, you.
But where did it come from?
You learned to laugh at certain things because of what you know about how others interact
or react. You learned that touching hot things makes you experience pain. These concepts
are rather simple.
Desire, attraction, taste in creative works and opinions are a tad more complex. Exposure
to different situations can be a big part in forming these aspects of who you are.
But what if there are deeper, more complex concepts about you?
What if you just simply didn't feel...normal?
I could go on about what is 'normal.' It's only relative, really. Basically, the things we
take for 'normal' in San Francisco or Vancouver just don't always play well in Peoria, as
they say.
Some of us just never seem to find that we belong to the grand concept of 'society.' We
don't think like everyone else. We act 'strange' and go about the day feeling like we are
salmon swimming upstream, fighting every bit of the way against the current. We just don't
feel 'normal.'
But why are we like that? What is the reason? The high-level thinking that is so tied to
the concept of 'human' just never seems to resolve itself. Sure, it's easy to act our way
through the day. Put on a smile and play the role as we stumble through the interactions
that demand cohesion. To do otherwise would involve distress.
So we look for reasons. A completely human response. We try to piece it together and deduce
the causes.
The problem that eventually results is that there is no logic to this. We are made up of
ancient DNA that has been imprinted upon for millenia. Biology operates on its own logic.
Some of this DNA may not be human after all.
Humans share quite a bit of genetic code with most mammals on this planet. It's probable
we may have had some sort of genetic sharing in the past.
One of the more interesting discoveries as of late has been the fact that our DNA is
capable of retaining and storing vast amounts of data.
For me, at least, it opens up the possibility that our own DNA may indeed hold ancient
aspects of our common ancestry with creatures that populate this planet.
In the end, I strongly feel that there is more commonality than difference among the
creatures that crawl, swim and slither across this globe. Recognizing that has long helped
me find peace with what I am.
So thats where my wolf came from, but recently i wanted to celebrate my fun side so thats my Sheppie and also to do the same to my nasty side hence my skunk/badger hybred.
Does that answer your question!
The husky, proud and vocal at times sure of himself but at other times in need of companionship. A strong and working animal who is not afraid of hard labor yet also like the softer side of things in life.
The bear, the brute altho this side is rare to see he shows himself here n' there. Ready to take on anyone who challenges his way. The one that loves to sleep and be solitary from a distance until something engages his interests. A lover of foods and sweets :P.
There are many more reasons but I just work up and meh head is cloudy...
So the point is that often people use this excuse for imitate their favorite animal. But...
A werewolf is not a 100% wolf (so why werewolf packs fails miserably) and not 100% human (so why werewolves fails inside the human society). A werewolf is a mix of both: human and wolf, few few few people understand this.
Most people believe that with wear a suit made of fake fur and plastics can become one. Or buy all collectibles with a werewolf they can become one. Or to draw them all day doing anything they believe we do (hunt, yiff, kill, yiff, be angry, yiff) then they can understand us and become one of us.
The point here is not "what are you?" is "what are INSIDE you?" are you an animal 24/7? Or just when you play in SL or browse for yiff? Are you an animal for all your collectibles? Or because you have it inside, in heart?
That's the real question that mades the difference.
We all know what happens when humans don't understand something: they fear it.
I just accept what I am and go forward, trying to figure out what to do on this earth just like any other creature.
It is interesting that you bring up the DNA studies. I've read about fetal studies where there's a time period that the physical structure of a fetus is quite similar among different species. It is the expression of the common ancestral DNA that causes the early developmental stages to look alike. Then a gene activates telling the fetus it is human and it begins to differentiate. Something can be said for this shared DNA to cause quirks and different personalities to emerge. There are very rare cases of the physical representation of this DNA when people are born with vestigial tails or a three chambered heart.
It very much reminds me of environmental causes that view this blue orb as one big system, a soup of everything that is all interconnected on many levels.
Why is my fursona a wolf? Because in my view of reality, I perceive the wolf as possessing traits and values currently outside my own reach. It's not necessarily the animalistic side of things that forms the basis for my fascination, but rather an unconscious 'hook' that leads to me idealizing the wolf's existence to reflect my own pursuit of the perfect self hiding in that higher, unreachable plane. This is starting to get a bit convoluted, so let me reduce things by saying that my personal understanding about aspects of the wolf (how *I* define how he moves, act socially, breathes, hunts, etc) leads to me internalizing those aspects as goal posts that need to be crossed in order to come "close" to matching my ideal self. If this is starting to sound a little bit sociopathic, let me correct my explanation by adding that I do not see myself as being in control of this process; interacting with outside animate/inanimate forces and being redirected and pushed by them is an incredibly important and fundamental part of the whole dealio. If I were to be guided solely by my own intentions, it's almost a given that I would end up stuck in some sort of existential locked room where the only source of progression is personal opinion. This "chaos" is why my fursona changes, and it is also why I'm able to grow.
This is a pretty short and ugly explanation, but who knows- maybe someone might get something out of it!
One intriguing chain of thought is that the universe demands stasis and balance. You can't really remove anything - you can only change its form by rearranging and transforming bits and parts into something new.
It's like when an ecosystem loses a predator or a type of prey: things go out of whack for a while until something else comes along to rebalance it.
Selfishly, it makes me wonder if the massive loss of big predators (tigers, wolves, etc.) this planet has seen over the last few hundred years isn't really a complete loss as their elemental parts can manifest themselves in other creatures that come along later.
Like humans.
But then one day, this wolf stepped into my mind.
It was a completely unwilling transformation for me. Not unwelcome, but certainly not something I was doing consciously.
The wolf seems to fit me pretty well, as I've come to understand this part of myself better over the past (nearly) year. And as I've come to understand how wolf manifests within furry, which seems to be oddly congruent with how the wolf manifests within me.
The contrast between the "lone wolf" and "pack animal" nature of the wolf is an interesting one for me. I'm very much someone who seems to forge his own path through life and, in this new phase of my life, isn't afraid to be the one standing out in the crowd. At the same time, I find I long to surround myself with like-minded folks who are willing to undertake adventures and explorations with me. I'm willing to defer to someone else's leadership when they seem worthy of following, but it seems others look to me to take the lead and be the one out in front, giving the orders and guiding them.
I've not even been a furry for a year at this point, although I've been exposed to furry for nearly 5 years at this point. But so far, my experiences as actually being a furry, and being a wolf, have led to more fun and adventure in the past year than at any other point in my life. And I find, as time goes on, the manifestation of "wolf" in my life, both within and outside of furry, gets stronger and stronger.
I'm certainly not shying away from that. It's like something I've always needed is growing and blossoming within me, and at the ripe age of 45 I feel like I'm finding myself for the first time. I don't want to lose it now that I've found it.