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Spare Me- (Cliches) Chapter 3
12 years ago
Are these authors brain-damaged? In all of the thousands of hours it takes to write a book, do they not realize that they are using cliches so old that they literally first appeared in cuneiform versions from "The Epic of Gilgamesh"?
I never want to see another self-destruct system, especially one which is activated by a single button press located on the main control panel, or has an automated voice countdown on the PA.Those do not exist in real life. Authors unintentionally plagiarize from other books, all in an attempt to instill a sense of urgency and close in on an ill-conceived denouement. Spare me also the bomb specialist who can defuse even the most complex bomb, but can't remember which color wire to cut. Spare me the bizarre notion that the bad guy's laboratory is rigged to self-destruct.
Think: there you are, an evil super-genius on a stronghold far from society. One day, you notice that the entire facility is designed to go boom and that the self-destruct sequence is triggered remotely and no one, not even yourself, knows how to evacuate the building in a timely manner. You would not hesitate in disarming the thing. You would remove the demolition charges, or send one of your bomb-disarmament specialists to do it. Some of these fuses may be in inconvenient locations, but safety is a priority. There is no reason for unnecessary deaths, because some idiot didn't check the site blueprints before expanding your base.
Actually, let's put an end to the self-destruct system unless there is a war going on and the facility may be overwhelmed by enemies, in which case creating a self-destruct system might actually make sense. If we've seen the employees have no expectation of ever having their facility overrun or the head honcho constantly laughs "I AM INVINCIBLE! BWA HA HA!", then there should be no self-destruct system. Period.
In fantasy works I have lost count of how many stories I had to reject about a self-actualizing quest for the Trinket of Doom, a party composed of one mage, rogue, elf, warrior, plucky girl, and missing heir, and a shipload of Germanic made-up words with more J, K, H, Y, F than in any standard English word. I subscribe to the theory of Alex Stewart about fantasy characters running through the land trying to collect plot coupons to redeem them for the denouement.
Spare me the fantasy worlds that ARE the Middle Ages, only they are frozen in time and are not currently changing into something else, like the Renaissance. Life should not be so simple. There's no way that there could possibly one law or set of moral standards that everyone is instantly familiar with, Explanations after the fact should never be an impenetrable tangle of politicians or priests, the overlapping interests of the court, a thicket of bad family relations, a very important alliance with a baron with a principality the size of a modern shopping mall, or someone's prerequisites in the wool trade. Important messages should not arrive quickly. Kings, barons, bishops, merchants, and peasants should not speak the same language, with no use of vernacular or slang whatsoever. Travel should be affected by border disputes and negligence over road maintenance. And people should consult a calendar before going to war.
I am irritated by worlds, where religion exists, but serves no purpose other than to recruit heavies. Religious and ethnic minorities are persecuted but there really is no theological reason for doing so and all these religions is come up with arbitrary rules that exist only because the plot needs them. A misuse of religion can be reduced: If a character is raised in a tribe with mystical practices, but then left the tribe to have a successful career in mainstream culture, there will be a climax where the character must use his mystical knowledge to avert catastrophe. He will forsake his book knowledge for mysticism because that's what minorities and their religious systems are for. If I were a Native American writer, I would write the story of an Italian police officer who solves crimes, not by deductive reasoning or intelligence, but by enlisting the spirit of Saint Anthony of Padua.
Spare me post-apocalyptic scenarios in which only after a generation the characters must speak of the lost world in semi-religious tones with the tellers no longer knowing what the stories mean, even if they lived through disaster and there are other survivors. Spare me the collapse of social order after the apocalypse which must instantly happen. Most people will still be guided by a moral compass and cooperate with each other. Even if rioting breaks out, it will be along pre-existing fault lines, not all against all. Real social chaos takes years to get going. Another reason to hate "thin veneer of civilization stories is because in real life, one of the biggest threats to the social contract in times of trouble are people who think they're free to what they want. Thieves believe everyone is a thief at heart. Stories that confirm this belief feeds into their desire to act like sociopaths. A certain amount of the population will loot when the opportunity presents itself. But more people respect the property rights of others- that's what we should teach young readers,
The real reason why I hate the collapse of social order stories is that the authors believe that social chaos is actually a good thing. There's a heavy dose of preaching about how everyone is free of obligations to law or responsibility to their fellow man. You can almost imagine as they were drawing up these scenarios they must have felt they were writing themselves a treat.
I never want to see another self-destruct system, especially one which is activated by a single button press located on the main control panel, or has an automated voice countdown on the PA.Those do not exist in real life. Authors unintentionally plagiarize from other books, all in an attempt to instill a sense of urgency and close in on an ill-conceived denouement. Spare me also the bomb specialist who can defuse even the most complex bomb, but can't remember which color wire to cut. Spare me the bizarre notion that the bad guy's laboratory is rigged to self-destruct.
Think: there you are, an evil super-genius on a stronghold far from society. One day, you notice that the entire facility is designed to go boom and that the self-destruct sequence is triggered remotely and no one, not even yourself, knows how to evacuate the building in a timely manner. You would not hesitate in disarming the thing. You would remove the demolition charges, or send one of your bomb-disarmament specialists to do it. Some of these fuses may be in inconvenient locations, but safety is a priority. There is no reason for unnecessary deaths, because some idiot didn't check the site blueprints before expanding your base.
Actually, let's put an end to the self-destruct system unless there is a war going on and the facility may be overwhelmed by enemies, in which case creating a self-destruct system might actually make sense. If we've seen the employees have no expectation of ever having their facility overrun or the head honcho constantly laughs "I AM INVINCIBLE! BWA HA HA!", then there should be no self-destruct system. Period.
In fantasy works I have lost count of how many stories I had to reject about a self-actualizing quest for the Trinket of Doom, a party composed of one mage, rogue, elf, warrior, plucky girl, and missing heir, and a shipload of Germanic made-up words with more J, K, H, Y, F than in any standard English word. I subscribe to the theory of Alex Stewart about fantasy characters running through the land trying to collect plot coupons to redeem them for the denouement.
Spare me the fantasy worlds that ARE the Middle Ages, only they are frozen in time and are not currently changing into something else, like the Renaissance. Life should not be so simple. There's no way that there could possibly one law or set of moral standards that everyone is instantly familiar with, Explanations after the fact should never be an impenetrable tangle of politicians or priests, the overlapping interests of the court, a thicket of bad family relations, a very important alliance with a baron with a principality the size of a modern shopping mall, or someone's prerequisites in the wool trade. Important messages should not arrive quickly. Kings, barons, bishops, merchants, and peasants should not speak the same language, with no use of vernacular or slang whatsoever. Travel should be affected by border disputes and negligence over road maintenance. And people should consult a calendar before going to war.
I am irritated by worlds, where religion exists, but serves no purpose other than to recruit heavies. Religious and ethnic minorities are persecuted but there really is no theological reason for doing so and all these religions is come up with arbitrary rules that exist only because the plot needs them. A misuse of religion can be reduced: If a character is raised in a tribe with mystical practices, but then left the tribe to have a successful career in mainstream culture, there will be a climax where the character must use his mystical knowledge to avert catastrophe. He will forsake his book knowledge for mysticism because that's what minorities and their religious systems are for. If I were a Native American writer, I would write the story of an Italian police officer who solves crimes, not by deductive reasoning or intelligence, but by enlisting the spirit of Saint Anthony of Padua.
Spare me post-apocalyptic scenarios in which only after a generation the characters must speak of the lost world in semi-religious tones with the tellers no longer knowing what the stories mean, even if they lived through disaster and there are other survivors. Spare me the collapse of social order after the apocalypse which must instantly happen. Most people will still be guided by a moral compass and cooperate with each other. Even if rioting breaks out, it will be along pre-existing fault lines, not all against all. Real social chaos takes years to get going. Another reason to hate "thin veneer of civilization stories is because in real life, one of the biggest threats to the social contract in times of trouble are people who think they're free to what they want. Thieves believe everyone is a thief at heart. Stories that confirm this belief feeds into their desire to act like sociopaths. A certain amount of the population will loot when the opportunity presents itself. But more people respect the property rights of others- that's what we should teach young readers,
The real reason why I hate the collapse of social order stories is that the authors believe that social chaos is actually a good thing. There's a heavy dose of preaching about how everyone is free of obligations to law or responsibility to their fellow man. You can almost imagine as they were drawing up these scenarios they must have felt they were writing themselves a treat.
