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Another mini rant.
12 years ago
(afraid you guys are gonna see a lot of these... please feel free to tell me if it bothers you, I'd be more than happy to stop if it's annoying you.)
So... I'm sad. Really sad. And alone. And pretty damn sad. Did I mention sad?
I have friends. We should establish this early. I DO have friends, yes, but none of them are close enough that I can comfortably rant to, or have a serious talk with, or... anything, really. I can't call them in the middle of the night when I feel like I just want to curl up and cry. None of them are that kind of friend.
When I'm around them, I'm fine. Happy, optimistic, cheerful. But when I'm left alone, such as tonight, and there's no one to talk to, well... I feel really, really alone.
The thing that triggered this bout of sadness is probably school related. I left my old school a few months ago, opting to use an online program instead. Please keep in mind, I've been going to this school (elementary and middle school) for over 10 years. I've had the same class of the same 10 students (give or take a few) for the last 10 YEARS. I thought we had some kind of friendship. Sure, I was the odd kid, always pretty quiet and ignored in group conversations.
But I left the school, and my friends are telling me that I'm missed. But other than a few distant friends texting me asking me to come back (which was flattering, don't get me wrong), no one seems to care. I know this is probably really silly, but... geez. I feel so forgotten. Like no one really wanted me around. Again, they're TELLING me that they miss me. Four friends or so have all told me how much they missed me. But otherwise? No sign that anyone cares. In a larger school, I wouldn't feel so hurt. But guys, this high school has 30 students in ALL FOUR CLASSES. We were all close friends, or so I thought. I've grown up with all of these kids, and since I left I haven't seen most of them again. And yet. No word from anyone but my close friends. Not a soul has even tried to speak to me. This is AFTER I tried texting several of them to get no response.
Another thing is, I've been tempted to ask my friends if they only befriended me out of pity. But I'm afraid to ask, because honestly I'm afraid of the answer.
I'm just so alone right now. My family is there for me, of course, but I can't share this with them. There's no way they can help. I searched through the contacts on my phone and I could not find a soul to share this with. How sad is that? *sigh*
I'm sorry, that was a lot of self pity.
Thank you for reading.
So... I'm sad. Really sad. And alone. And pretty damn sad. Did I mention sad?
I have friends. We should establish this early. I DO have friends, yes, but none of them are close enough that I can comfortably rant to, or have a serious talk with, or... anything, really. I can't call them in the middle of the night when I feel like I just want to curl up and cry. None of them are that kind of friend.
When I'm around them, I'm fine. Happy, optimistic, cheerful. But when I'm left alone, such as tonight, and there's no one to talk to, well... I feel really, really alone.
The thing that triggered this bout of sadness is probably school related. I left my old school a few months ago, opting to use an online program instead. Please keep in mind, I've been going to this school (elementary and middle school) for over 10 years. I've had the same class of the same 10 students (give or take a few) for the last 10 YEARS. I thought we had some kind of friendship. Sure, I was the odd kid, always pretty quiet and ignored in group conversations.
But I left the school, and my friends are telling me that I'm missed. But other than a few distant friends texting me asking me to come back (which was flattering, don't get me wrong), no one seems to care. I know this is probably really silly, but... geez. I feel so forgotten. Like no one really wanted me around. Again, they're TELLING me that they miss me. Four friends or so have all told me how much they missed me. But otherwise? No sign that anyone cares. In a larger school, I wouldn't feel so hurt. But guys, this high school has 30 students in ALL FOUR CLASSES. We were all close friends, or so I thought. I've grown up with all of these kids, and since I left I haven't seen most of them again. And yet. No word from anyone but my close friends. Not a soul has even tried to speak to me. This is AFTER I tried texting several of them to get no response.
Another thing is, I've been tempted to ask my friends if they only befriended me out of pity. But I'm afraid to ask, because honestly I'm afraid of the answer.
I'm just so alone right now. My family is there for me, of course, but I can't share this with them. There's no way they can help. I searched through the contacts on my phone and I could not find a soul to share this with. How sad is that? *sigh*
I'm sorry, that was a lot of self pity.
Thank you for reading.
