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Pokemon: The Fourth Movie Review/Critique
12 years ago
General
Currently typing this up as I'm watching the movie. So these are my thoughts exactly as they occurred while watching it.
Scene 1: Celebi in the forest
Oh hey, Houndoom! And Scyther! That's pretty neat....why is Celebi in any danger at all? It can time travel. It can escape from these things permanently at any time it wants. Also IT CAN FRIGGIN FLY! Just fly higher than the trees or over some water AND YOU ESCAPE.
Oh hey, kid in the woods....stopping for a mysterious lady also in the woods. She tells him to stand still if he hears Celebi in the forest or else it might send him somewhere in time....does pokemon follow Jurassic Park logic? How will standing still help AT ALL!?
Ah, okay, someone's trying to catch Celebi. I know they try to portray this guy as a dick, but I'd be pretty frustrated trying to catch the thing too. Wait, why the hell doesn't he throw a pokeball? Seriously, this dumbass throws this electrified net thing, when the already perfect way to catch something AND MAKE IT YOUR LOYAL MINION never to try and escape again, is to throw a goddamn pokeball - you can buy them by the dozen for pocket change.
Wow, I'm kind of impressed Scyther managed to pin Celebi down. But that scene...holy crap, the subtitle should have been "IT'S RAPING TIME!" by the way Scyther was positioned. Also, I should note again, CELEBI CAN TIME TRAVEL AT WILL, it should not be able to be caught like this if it was at all intelligent.
Scene 2: Pokemon hunter's shack
Again, I have to question why the hell this guy is using cages when a pokeball is already FAR superior. They take up virtually no space, are cheap as hell, and the pokemon inside (theoretically) require no food, water, or any other form of upkeep. AND THEY CAN'T ESCAPE! Like what the hell is the tyranitar doing still in the cage? According to the Pokedex, this thing can literally move mountains without breaking a sweat, and this little iron cage is actually containing him?
Dark ball, that's actually a good invention. Instant max-level, good idea. The evil part though? that's just Nintendo's way of making this guy even more comically transparent. Like how the hell does this guy exist in society? Does he go to restaurants wearing that armor and being a total jerkass?
Scene 3: Ash's intro battle
Probably don't need to say anything here. Just a credit roll over a pokemon battle that should take all of 2 seconds because pikachu could drop that thing with a single thunderbolt.
Why the urgency of getting on the boat? By now they probably have several pokemon capable of Surf. Upon seeing Suicune: "Was that a pokemon?" What the F-? IN YOUR WORLD EVERYTHING IS A GODDAMN POKEMON!
Not even gonna question Team Rocket.
Scene 4: Ash in the forest:
.....the boat is actually an airship? WHY THE HELL IS IT EVER A BOAT IF IT CAN FLY!?
Not gonna question Brock's insatiable libido either. A lifetime of traveling with Ash and Misty explains that already.
Why the hell is the guy riding a spider-tank? He doesn't have a pokemon he can ride that can move mountains out of his way and hyper beam anything that doesn't like him?
Hehe, nice reference to Luchadores Meowth. "Me too but Pokemon get to go naked" xD That little guy's one of the few things I actually liked about the old show.
Scene 5: Pokemon battle with Scizor and Sneasel
Nothing to see here. Just the usual battle stuff that's in every episode.
Scene 6: The lake of life
If those waters are actually healing, then Sam just got the patent for the pokemon healing machines in every center.
Yup, he's about to make a lot of money on that.
...Ash and Sam...too stupid to remember a need to breathe.
Scene 7: Campsite
Wow, kid's got a career on DeviantART.
Scene 8: Fight with mask guy
I LOLed when he got attacked by Pidgeys.
Tangent, but if this guy wants to project this badass image, why is he going for a cute little thing like Celebi?
Oh snap, it built a Death Star.
"Take it easy, you might be hurt" -........DURRRRRRRRRRRRRR
Suicune's expression: "Shit just got real."
.....it reshapes the death star into a spider-legged mech? .....okay, I can understand that, but...it's made of like leaves and twigs and other highly flammable materials. One Ember attack and it's done.
Scene 9: Boat crash
I had something here, but was distracted by my cat.
Scene 10: Fight against Celebi's doom walker
I again have to wonder why no one has thought of just lighting a match near this thing.
And I just noticed, this guy has very weird wardrobe choices. A skintight bodysuit with a black singlet that doesn't go past his thighs? Guy's gonna get laughed out of all the villain meetings.
Jessie should really be passed out by now with all that blood pooling in her head. Then again, her breasts are large enough to delay that for quite a while.
"Look at me!" maybe this is just me, but if Ash was holding my face, and two feet away from it, I wouldn't be relaxed or feeling benevolent. I would be filled with far more murderous rage than before.
Wait, I didn't notice this before, but does Suicune actually have ribbons coming out of its ass? Holy crap it does!
Scene 11: Post-fight
*Lake water doesn't work* Yeah, the lake wasn't exactly dirty. There was nothing polluted about it. It was an all-natural doom walker!
....oh you cannot be serious. If they reuse the "power of tears" gimmick again...
....Apparently Celebi (plural) are metaphorically angels now. Not -as- bad as the "power of tears" thing, but it was pretty crap.
Scene 12: Return of mask guy
XD Holy crap that was perfect timing by the villain! But wait, two things. First, how the hell did he hold his breath that long while all the crap was happening? Two, Suicune just made the lake like...pristine and TOTALLY CLEAR, as in they could easily have seen this dick laying ten feet away in the water.
"Now I have everything I need to rule the world!" "OF COURSE!"
Oh he's got a jetpack too! ...that...somehow still works despite being submerged for several minutes.
Okay, that guy should be FUCKED after a fall like that. Have any of you seen Dredd? Mask guy should resemble a broken jar of Ragu pasta sauce.
Scene 13: Phone call with Oak
"Didn't you enjoy your little adventure in the forest?" Uhh....little adventure? As soon as some kind of doom walker appears, it's more than a little adventure. Then again, the movie was only an hour long after you weed out the credits and such...
Nice touch with Professor Oak at the end though.
So that's my review of Pokemon 4! Yes, that is exactly how I view most movies, because I usually demand that things -make sense-.
Scene 1: Celebi in the forest
Oh hey, Houndoom! And Scyther! That's pretty neat....why is Celebi in any danger at all? It can time travel. It can escape from these things permanently at any time it wants. Also IT CAN FRIGGIN FLY! Just fly higher than the trees or over some water AND YOU ESCAPE.
Oh hey, kid in the woods....stopping for a mysterious lady also in the woods. She tells him to stand still if he hears Celebi in the forest or else it might send him somewhere in time....does pokemon follow Jurassic Park logic? How will standing still help AT ALL!?
Ah, okay, someone's trying to catch Celebi. I know they try to portray this guy as a dick, but I'd be pretty frustrated trying to catch the thing too. Wait, why the hell doesn't he throw a pokeball? Seriously, this dumbass throws this electrified net thing, when the already perfect way to catch something AND MAKE IT YOUR LOYAL MINION never to try and escape again, is to throw a goddamn pokeball - you can buy them by the dozen for pocket change.
Wow, I'm kind of impressed Scyther managed to pin Celebi down. But that scene...holy crap, the subtitle should have been "IT'S RAPING TIME!" by the way Scyther was positioned. Also, I should note again, CELEBI CAN TIME TRAVEL AT WILL, it should not be able to be caught like this if it was at all intelligent.
Scene 2: Pokemon hunter's shack
Again, I have to question why the hell this guy is using cages when a pokeball is already FAR superior. They take up virtually no space, are cheap as hell, and the pokemon inside (theoretically) require no food, water, or any other form of upkeep. AND THEY CAN'T ESCAPE! Like what the hell is the tyranitar doing still in the cage? According to the Pokedex, this thing can literally move mountains without breaking a sweat, and this little iron cage is actually containing him?
Dark ball, that's actually a good invention. Instant max-level, good idea. The evil part though? that's just Nintendo's way of making this guy even more comically transparent. Like how the hell does this guy exist in society? Does he go to restaurants wearing that armor and being a total jerkass?
Scene 3: Ash's intro battle
Probably don't need to say anything here. Just a credit roll over a pokemon battle that should take all of 2 seconds because pikachu could drop that thing with a single thunderbolt.
Why the urgency of getting on the boat? By now they probably have several pokemon capable of Surf. Upon seeing Suicune: "Was that a pokemon?" What the F-? IN YOUR WORLD EVERYTHING IS A GODDAMN POKEMON!
Not even gonna question Team Rocket.
Scene 4: Ash in the forest:
.....the boat is actually an airship? WHY THE HELL IS IT EVER A BOAT IF IT CAN FLY!?
Not gonna question Brock's insatiable libido either. A lifetime of traveling with Ash and Misty explains that already.
Why the hell is the guy riding a spider-tank? He doesn't have a pokemon he can ride that can move mountains out of his way and hyper beam anything that doesn't like him?
Hehe, nice reference to Luchadores Meowth. "Me too but Pokemon get to go naked" xD That little guy's one of the few things I actually liked about the old show.
Scene 5: Pokemon battle with Scizor and Sneasel
Nothing to see here. Just the usual battle stuff that's in every episode.
Scene 6: The lake of life
If those waters are actually healing, then Sam just got the patent for the pokemon healing machines in every center.
Yup, he's about to make a lot of money on that.
...Ash and Sam...too stupid to remember a need to breathe.
Scene 7: Campsite
Wow, kid's got a career on DeviantART.
Scene 8: Fight with mask guy
I LOLed when he got attacked by Pidgeys.
Tangent, but if this guy wants to project this badass image, why is he going for a cute little thing like Celebi?
Oh snap, it built a Death Star.
"Take it easy, you might be hurt" -........DURRRRRRRRRRRRRR
Suicune's expression: "Shit just got real."
.....it reshapes the death star into a spider-legged mech? .....okay, I can understand that, but...it's made of like leaves and twigs and other highly flammable materials. One Ember attack and it's done.
Scene 9: Boat crash
I had something here, but was distracted by my cat.
Scene 10: Fight against Celebi's doom walker
I again have to wonder why no one has thought of just lighting a match near this thing.
And I just noticed, this guy has very weird wardrobe choices. A skintight bodysuit with a black singlet that doesn't go past his thighs? Guy's gonna get laughed out of all the villain meetings.
Jessie should really be passed out by now with all that blood pooling in her head. Then again, her breasts are large enough to delay that for quite a while.
"Look at me!" maybe this is just me, but if Ash was holding my face, and two feet away from it, I wouldn't be relaxed or feeling benevolent. I would be filled with far more murderous rage than before.
Wait, I didn't notice this before, but does Suicune actually have ribbons coming out of its ass? Holy crap it does!
Scene 11: Post-fight
*Lake water doesn't work* Yeah, the lake wasn't exactly dirty. There was nothing polluted about it. It was an all-natural doom walker!
....oh you cannot be serious. If they reuse the "power of tears" gimmick again...
....Apparently Celebi (plural) are metaphorically angels now. Not -as- bad as the "power of tears" thing, but it was pretty crap.
Scene 12: Return of mask guy
XD Holy crap that was perfect timing by the villain! But wait, two things. First, how the hell did he hold his breath that long while all the crap was happening? Two, Suicune just made the lake like...pristine and TOTALLY CLEAR, as in they could easily have seen this dick laying ten feet away in the water.
"Now I have everything I need to rule the world!" "OF COURSE!"
Oh he's got a jetpack too! ...that...somehow still works despite being submerged for several minutes.
Okay, that guy should be FUCKED after a fall like that. Have any of you seen Dredd? Mask guy should resemble a broken jar of Ragu pasta sauce.
Scene 13: Phone call with Oak
"Didn't you enjoy your little adventure in the forest?" Uhh....little adventure? As soon as some kind of doom walker appears, it's more than a little adventure. Then again, the movie was only an hour long after you weed out the credits and such...
Nice touch with Professor Oak at the end though.
So that's my review of Pokemon 4! Yes, that is exactly how I view most movies, because I usually demand that things -make sense-.
And seriously?! You never noticed the Suicune-ribbon thing?! That's the big thing that mainly suck out to me about it! Him. Her. Whatever.
And yes, for anyone who reads this and is wondering, this is EXACTLY how he reviews movies, at least if not in the theater. Most consistent heckler that I've ever watched a movie/played a game with.
big commercials were big in the 80's and 90's, you had Transformers, My Little Pony, Rainbow Brite, He-Man and She-Ra, Dino-riders and Care Bears :o