The old memories that ripped my life and self confidence into a million pieces seems to mean nothing to people who say they care. Im not saying names even if you ask. Its just so hard cuz finally after all the bad memories are out of my life and new ones come in, ones that I can handle if they come alone but then these huge horrible ones come drifting back. Its to much. I havent cut for a few months now but 2 days ago its as if I was being controlled by my sadness and the knife just reached me somehow. Im scared of myself to the point of I realized at school when I got to art class first before even the teacher that I was trying to cut myself with the xacto knives. I seemed to be in almost a daze that I shook my head and realized and screamed dropping the knife. The rest of the day my mind was cloudy but I felt just sad over all. I didnt know why till after reaching home and being able to clear my mind i think its because all those horrible things are eating me alive. I usually read things and remember them instantly. Today I was reading in class and I couldn't remember the word I had read just milla seconds before. Its just hard cuz my feelings re this way yet I feel pressured to please some people because they say im being greedy and looking out for myself. I guess I sorta am cuz its effecting my mind soul and body but also ive been trying to overcome my anger issues but I can still be driven to the point of making you feel like shit. So go ahead and believe that im the bad guy but I am also looking out for you. Not just me.