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Alone. (stupid rant is stupid)
12 years ago
Feeling really abandoned lately. I know it's stupid: I have a caring family, a few good friends, etc. But honestly I just. I feel replaced, alone, secluded, excluded, just really unwanted. Idiotic thoughts are idiotic.
My friends are sweet, but none of them want to put up with my constant whining, and none of them are close enough that I feel comfortable ranting my true thoughts and stuff to. I'm to tired to write much, so suffice to say that I'm behind in my work, I want a close friend who will be there for me and I can lean on, and I feel like my friends are replacing me even though I've been trying to build relationships with them for 10+ years. Part of it is my fault, but it still sucks.
I mean, I've been posting statuses and art that are clearly not coming from an 'ok' mind. I'm obviously upset. And while people notice, no one seems to give a sh*t. My friends, or people I thought were friends until I left their school and they dropped me like a hot potato, haven't even bothered to check in. Not a single RL friend has bothered to make sure I was okay. Not a single. One. And at least four or five have seen all of these posts, updates, sketches. No one has even thought to ask if I'm okay.
I'm sorry. I just. I don't even know. Thanks for reading. :\
My friends are sweet, but none of them want to put up with my constant whining, and none of them are close enough that I feel comfortable ranting my true thoughts and stuff to. I'm to tired to write much, so suffice to say that I'm behind in my work, I want a close friend who will be there for me and I can lean on, and I feel like my friends are replacing me even though I've been trying to build relationships with them for 10+ years. Part of it is my fault, but it still sucks.
I mean, I've been posting statuses and art that are clearly not coming from an 'ok' mind. I'm obviously upset. And while people notice, no one seems to give a sh*t. My friends, or people I thought were friends until I left their school and they dropped me like a hot potato, haven't even bothered to check in. Not a single RL friend has bothered to make sure I was okay. Not a single. One. And at least four or five have seen all of these posts, updates, sketches. No one has even thought to ask if I'm okay.
I'm sorry. I just. I don't even know. Thanks for reading. :\
Something you should never do to yourself is lie and say "I'm OK", your feelings are real, weather you see them as such or not. Sometimes the shoulder you need to lean on is your own, you are always there for yourself and that is a strong aid in life. Always keep sight of your goals, your beliefs and, most importantly, yourself.
If you ever need to talk I will happily be there to listen, I may not be there in the flesh, but I can still help if you need it.
It's hard to think that my feelings are real, though, when I can't justify them half the time. :\ And that's a good way of putting it, the whole 'your own shoulder' part. But... geez, sometimes I'm just not strong enough, it seems. It's so hard to stay positive and confident when you're sad for no reason or you feel just totally deserted.
Thank you so much. Just reading your reply made me feel better. <3