To replace my drunken rant, cause this is clearly a lot better...

[KEY]:
(+++) Fuck yeah mate!
(++) Greatness.
(+) Yus.
(~) Indifferent/undecided
(-) Not really.
(--) Urgh.
(---) For fuck"s sake.
(?) What is this?

Anal on Males (-)
Anal on Females (+)
Breasts (+++)
Breast Expansion (~)
Weight Gain (-)
Bondage (++)
Clothing (+)
Leather (~)
Stockings (+++)
Shoe/Boots (+)
Suit and Tie (+++) (I like suits and ties, so logically I must suits and naughty times)
Muscle, Male (-)
Muscle, Female (--)
Herm (~)
Cub (~)
Baby/Diaper (---)
Transformation (~)
Macro/Micro (~)
Impregnation (~)
Pregnancy (~)
Lactation (-)
Anal Vore (---)
Cock Vore (-)
Soul Vore (?)
Standard Soft Vore (~)
Standard Hard Vore (---)
Paw/Foot (-)
Incest (--)
Yuri (F/F) (+++)
Yaoi (M/M) (--)
Hetero (M/F) (+++)
Bi (++)
Girly Boys (~)
Butch Girls (+)
Mind Control (?)
Rape (++)
Uniform (++) (can be a bit of fun)
Orgy (++)
Subbing/Doming (+)
Biting (~)
Cheesecake (?)
Solo Masturbation; Male (~) (me sure)
Solo Masturbation; Female (+++) (and then some)
Inflation (-) (why)
Fat/Pudge (~) (eh)
Tech (?)
Watersports (---) (no)
Glasses (+) (like some kinda naughty librarian)
Tentacles (+++) (Who doesn't like em)
Oviposition (?)
Masochism (---)
Sadism (---)
Multiple body parts (?)
Partial Nudity (++)
Gore/guro (~)
Snuff (~)
Hyper (-)
Zoophilia (--)
Electricity (?)
She-males (---)
Cross-dressing (~)
Skunk spray (?)
Oral (+++)
Asphyxiation (~)
Wet-look (+) (this could be one of several good things but to vague)
Mud/Quicksand etc (~)
Sinking (?)
Spooge (~)
Body Paint (+)
Plants (?) (like vash)
Tickling (+) (not on me, I'm one ticklish son of a bitch)