What is it with me and trying to be dating recently broken up, and ultimately broken girls? I mean, I don't AIM for it, but I end up doing it anyways. And then I get attached, and then I get broken for it, and for what? To do it again?! WHAT AM I, FUCKING STUPID?! It's like fucking ice cream headache! Get it really bad, stop, let it go away, and then what do you do?! EAT MORE FUCKING ICE CREAM!!







Half of you know the semi recent one. This current one is at least CLOSER, but shit, if she isn't as damaged as the last one. And damn if she isn't a better match, either. I mean, GOOD FUCKING JOB, TOM. You go from one you flip the fuck out over, and then you go to an even BETTER girl, AND YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK TO DO WITH YOURSELF, DO YA? Can I EVER get this shit right?!





I called it a full year before I tried dating ANYONE after Katie. And now it's a briar patch of fuckups that are EASILY avoided, because I KEEP JUMPING TO GET BACK WHAT I LOST TOO FAST. At least I'm on speaking terms with this one, but goddamn if I can't stop pushing it. Do I hate myself THAT MUCH? Do I sabotage myself like this on PURPOSE?!





I just want to love again. I just want to look at the world, not with my deep wells of hate, but with love. And hope. And happiness. But no, I just MUST feed the deep pools of hate inside me. ONCE A SITH, ALWAYS A SITH, RIGHT?! RIGHT?!?!




Fuck it. If this ends like it did last time, I'm not trying again. Love is beyond me, if I can't get this right. My hatred shall be my only refuge.