Once again, I failed, I tend to do that a lot lately, I don't why but it seems every I try something hard it just bites me back. It bites me back until I have no reason to do thing I was suppose to do anymore. Reason is was keeping me up at night, like when I try to accomplish something, what am I doing it for. If I get a job what'll happen to me, I earn some money so what, when I earn my money my parents won't be proud they'll just say "well finally, now you can go on an get out of the house so I don't have to pay for you being here anymore". I don't entirely believe that. I know they have cared for me and loved me for so long that it was comforting and nice, but their is such thing as to much comfort, and I have experienced that.

I need a reason to keep myself working, I can't keep on lying to myself that my life will be just handed over to me with everything done for me. I need to accomplish things myself, but it is hard without some to comfort me and help me. I do need someone who can help me through this time of hardship. I know my loved ones will not live forever, and I'll need to live my own one day. I know I sound like a pussy, I know I admit it, but family isn't always enough to cheer me up.

I have lived in fear, and I am tired of living in it, people I can't trust even some of the people I know, and you know what to hell with it. HELL WITH IT. I might be different, but who gives a damn anymore. I might be different, but the comforting people that I know on this site don't mind my presence at all. I give you the creatures, people, or whatever you want to be called, you guys know who are you. a very candid gratefulness, I love you guys, and don't think otherwise. Because I am in indebted to you guys for all you guys given me, kindness of words can't express how I feel, I would give all of you a great big hug, if I could. I am crying now because of this even though you can't see it. :') Thank you all very much. I am glad to be back on this site.

Although, I can't just be on for the art business, I hope some of the guys on the site know. because commissions and money don't always matter. Money is just a possession, it might bring you happiness for a short period of time, but it can't replace people. I need more comfort because I can't always rely on the people in my other life, but you know what their is no such thing as have a different life. I should have one life, I do have one life, and I just can't live alone anymore, it is to depressing, and I can't just live alone anymore I CAN'T!

Except, I know I am not entirely, even though it feels like its sometimes. Please I just need help, if you are willing to give it.

Oh, and I also wanted to say that plan to stay off the site has been revoked by me. I will try to continue doing some of the trades and request that I have been given, but please remind me of the art trades and request because I know that I have forgotten a lot of them. Also, that please give me time to finish them, I might not be the most grateful person in the world, but I do care enough and listen to the problems at hand. I promise I will try my best to fix the conflicts that I might have caused. Please if you have the time you can talk to me through notes. Thank you all. :') Account back open.