I been seeing a few of these journals being posted by people on my watch list, I believe the best thing to do is be more active on FA (if possible) which is what I am looking to do, and it seems to be helping a bit.

First I'd like to congratulate you for trying to improve yourself, the world would be a much better place if everyone did this. Jealousy is a very toxic emotion and should be handled carefully. I recall a quote of jealousy being like drinking poison while wishing death upon someone (or was that about hate? I think it can work either way, regardless...) I can understand feelings of inferiority being someone who suffers from the same problem. I think the best thing to do is to not focus on what others have and instead realize and appreciate what you already have (which you seem to, also a good thing, perhaps you are more reasonable than you give credit for?) Instead try to convert your jealousy into motivation to obtain what you desire. You'll find that even the struggle towards your goals to provide it's own rewards.

... I'm Stevo by the way, nice to meet you XD

I feel te same way hon. I understand whatcha mean

I've dealt with this kind of jealousy a LOT--pretty much my entire life. For me, I think it comes from mixed feelings of 1) that I'm owed a good and easy life because I was told growing up that to be successful in life, be successful in school, and school was easy for me so I figured life would be just as easy; and 2) getting so much praise from adults around me while I was growing up, telling me how gifted and smart I was, all the potential I had, etc., and I felt like this placed a HUGE burden on me to achieve massively great things. And I felt guilty over not doing as much, not working as hard, and that just made things harder. I never really learned much self discipline growing up, because it was never something taught DIRECTLY by a teacher, which I thought was all I ever needed to know to succeed in life (because I viewed a lot of things in VERY black-and-white terms growing up.)

Ultimately, after about a decade of self-reflection and reading up on a variety of articles on emotional intelligence, I was able to boil down this biggest limiting belief into the following fear: "I'm afraid of dying having been completely worthless to society, and I need to do something so big and world-changing (literally on a level akin to Isaac Newton or Mahatma Ghandi) just to know that I had any worth to society whatsoever."

There's a certain methodology I've recently come across that basically has you reverse whatever limiting belief you hold and see how it makes you feel. And so the reverse of that belief I grew up subconsciously developing turned into this: "I don't have to be such a big deal just to influence the people around me, and I am already enough without having to worry about changing the world on a major level. I will live my life and ultimately die not only having others around me happy with me, but more importantly, being happy with myself, every day."

This has allowed me to TRULY appreciate who I am, my own unique life's journey, and what it is *I* really want out of my life, instead of just being worried that I have to achieve some insurmountable goal to please everyone else around me. It's allowed me to manifest self-esteem for myself, instead of placing on my entire sense of self-worth and identity into the perceived opinions of everyone else around me. From there, it's just been a very simple process of gradually adopting/changing habits to fulfill my own desires for my life, slowly creating a schedule to work more on things that make me happy, etc..

I don't know what your own journey is, Mat, but hopefully you can use at least the framework of what I've presented here to help you figure out what it is you're REALLY feeling and thinking on a subconscious level, to help you move past it and just focus on the TRUE you instead of the you that you think you're supposed to be.

I've nearly finished some Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (C.B.T) with a special support service called B.E M.E ran by the NHS which has really worked for me. I got myself referred by my doctor. In regards to why you must be feeling low, it might be a sign of depression. Of course the best and most important thing to do is to see your doctor straight away who can help. Of course talking about things does help as well. Still all the best for Christmas.

hmm.. lets see how did that advice go again.

"Don't spend to much time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long, and in the end it's only with yourself."

hello