Recently, I seem to be slipping more and more into the spookykid I used to be. Not that I'd ever stopped, just my discovery/appreciation of EDM these past few years plus the start of my "IDGAF how I look" phase distanced me from it a bit, at least musically & appearancewise. Since about June or July though, I'd taken a newfound interest in my wardrobe and have been listening to my old psychobilly/horrorpunk loves. I know exactly who to thank for this, even though he's not a spookykid & cared more about punk & ska than psychobilly or horrorpunk. All of those genres share the same special place in my heart so, bring up one around me, and I'll inevitably transition to the others. Even though he's gone, it doesn't change the fact he woke up my inner punk and reminded me how dearly I love those things... He dusted off the cobwebs, so to speak, and helped remind me who I really am, who I've always been. I hate to bring up gossip, but a few people who've only met me within the past 2-3 years have made such comments behind my back as that I was just pretending to like punk/etc to impress him. Those people haven't seen the stack of cds in my bedroom, bought way before I had any iPod to speak of... before I knew he existed. They missed out on the adventures my old ska kid friends & I used to have. They have no way of knowing that if I could pinpoint the moment when I started to fall for him, I would say it would be the day we had a lyrics battle and he serenaded me with a song from a particular band that he didn't know I loved; a band that honestly is the Konami code to my heart. (A band which I will not name because I don't want people to just use that to wrongfully impress me...even he still has no idea the depth of what that band means to me.) This music, these bands, have been a part of me since I was... 14? 15? Ages ago, now.. While my spooky tendencies have been around so much longer. By the time I'd reached 1st grade, my best friend & I were already making up scary stories to amuse ourselves on the bus, at recess, etc... And the moment my mother stopped picking my clothes for me & letting me pick my own, I switched to all black, with lots of skulls, studs/spikes, chains, etc... I was that "goth freak" by mid-elementary. Point is, I've /always/ been spooky, and will always be spooky, and while I'd become a bit tame as of late, I've been craving to fully embrace my spookiness again. And thus, the Great Wardrobe Shift of 2013 began.

And you know what? I've been, generally speaking, happier than I've been in a while because of it. I'd missed expressing myself through my clothes. I'd missed the angry glares from offended old people because, 'oh sweet Jesus, that weird girl has a shirt with a curseword on it', or 'heaven help her, she's one of those scary goth people'. I'd missed the compliments from random strangers because they thought I looked awesome. And it's true, if you feel good about your appearance you feel better overall.

So, some of you know this, but I've spent the past few weeks slaving over modding a denim vest. I actually started it in late June, but after a failed attempt to dye it black I got too annoyed with it and ignored it until recently. It is now my baby. First, I took an old denim jacket and removed the sleeves, vesty-fying it. Then I started adding some patches to it (right now it has Tiger Army, Aiden, the Clash, Misfits, anti-transphobia and pro-feminism patches though I am waiting on more). Then I added metal pyramid studs to the chest pockets, the shoulders, and around the feminist patch. I'm proud of what I did next. :3 I took an old, ruined pair of grey leopard print skinny jeans and I salvaged the fabric from them and added leopard accents- on the chest pocket flaps as well as making two accent panels on the back. Everything I've done has been hand-stitched... and the leopard accents took 8 hours. Then, I've spent my free time the past 3 nights adding more studs to the bottom hem of the vest, 3 rows, 354 total studs. My Koffin Kats patch came today, but I'm waiting on my other... 7 patches (the Adicts, Bikini Kill, Jack Off Jill, Johnny Cash, a heart with "riot grrrl", Frankenstein & his bride, & Mjolnir) :x to show up before I sew it on. My parents have been surprisingly supportive/impressed with this project. XD Granted, I do have pretty supportive parents as far as expressing my individuality goes, but I dunno... I didn't expect them to like it. And yet, Mom's invested (ha! InVESTed) $40 so far for studs & patches (as a Christmas present) and has said countless sweet things. My vest is /nowhere/ near ready for public wear/photos, but once I get a bit more accomplished I'll post photos on here. I've put too much effort into it not to share my handiwork. ;)

All of this spookykid resurrection has me wondering about my next mate. I think I'd like him/her to be a spookykid too... I watch horror movies like most people watch daytime tv, and while I'm used to watching them alone (when my Dad isn't bonding with me over them ), having someone who'd be up for them as frequently as I am would be lovely. Love of horrorpunk/psychobilly wouldn't be necessary but my gods would it make me happy. I wanna be the monster under someone's bed. I want to eat their brains and walk through cemeteries with them and be asked to dance beneath the full moon to that specific band. I want a romance full of spiders and bats and coffins and the undead. I /want/ to be someone else's horror queen again... It's always Halloween in my head. I want someone who shares my point of view... but I have a very specific idea of what that constitutes in my head, and people rarely measure up to specific ideas. Surely, though, surely when my heart heals (if it ever heals) I'll be able to find someone... right? Someone's gotta be right for this werewolf...