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You know what.. VENT JOURNAL TIME.
12 years ago
ATTENTION, THE CRUX WILL SPEAK
Im only venting here because I know the ammount of people that will read this is probably 0. I need to get this negativity out of my head so I can function like a normal person again.
anyway.
Even writing this, I can feel how bitter Im letting myself turn because even I at this point, am feeling absolutely abandoned by friends I thought I had. Hypocritical. Funny how the brain works, that you vent your shit, and the realize you are the exact same, a copy of what you hate. I dont even know what to think at this point anymore. It wont stop me from trying to be there, but I cannot let myself stoop to a level so low to start purging people from my life, unless they give me a damn good reason to. I want to be the helping step, I just find that people are just so turned off by others that they cant help themselves any longer.
Hey, when It rains, It fucking pours man. That is all.
anyway.
Its almost as if Im just the fucking dirt off your shoulder. Everyone has gone bitter and sour. I fucking hate the fact that the second I come into someones life and try to be a positive impact that they turn all shitty, run away, and just shut(and the other positive impacts) out. I really am starting to think that my effort as a friend isnt even worth the fucking gum under the chairs. Im sick of seeing people let themselves be controlled by fucking senseless idiots that are only there to cause drama and general displeasement. I tell people I am there for their support and Its just one ear and out the fucking other. The ignorance shown towards people that are obviously the good seeds is just appalling. Open your god damn eyes and see the green grass rather than rolling around in the fucking shit that you let yourself get trapped in. I dont get how people complain that they have shitty friends, and shitty drama caused by the shitty friends, then go to make more shitty friends and complain even more about it! Is almost like its a drug, once you start its a fuck of a habit to kick. Its almost as if they lie to themselves every god damn time that maybe this time it wont be as shitty! HELL NO. People complain and complain and complain about it to the point where they are absolutely afraid of new people and lose their sense of being able to pick the weeds from the flower patch. The root of becoming a bitter asshat. and once they notice theyve become some fucking hermit of the woods, its too late because everyone has grown tired of their shit and its over. too many friends I have seen this happen to, and too many friends I have it currently happening to and I cant do a shit about it because they wont listen to a voice of positive reason. Im sick of being the bystander as it all just unfolds into a mountain of rancid fuck. It feels awful, to watch someone you respected and enjoyed having in your life just fall apart. I cant even start a relationship in both contexts of dating and friendships because the second I do, I can feel the eggshells under my feet start to crack.Even writing this, I can feel how bitter Im letting myself turn because even I at this point, am feeling absolutely abandoned by friends I thought I had. Hypocritical. Funny how the brain works, that you vent your shit, and the realize you are the exact same, a copy of what you hate. I dont even know what to think at this point anymore. It wont stop me from trying to be there, but I cannot let myself stoop to a level so low to start purging people from my life, unless they give me a damn good reason to. I want to be the helping step, I just find that people are just so turned off by others that they cant help themselves any longer.
Hey, when It rains, It fucking pours man. That is all.
THEYRE CRACKING
send help kthx