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Some introspection
12 years ago
General
I know I know, I'm going to catch flak from some of my older friends who watch me for posting this, but I'm sitting here with my drink alone and this is what happens when this happens, so bear with me for a bit while I bare my soul to the world.
There are some things in life I really do wish I could do over again. I honestly feel like if someone tells you that they wouldn't change things at all, they're lying about something. I feel like some of my memories are really horrible, and it's mainly stuff I've done to other people. Most of my relationships that I've had it is hard for me to focus on the good memories because I am constantly wishing that I hadn't said or done the things that possibly made them end. I constantly second guess how different my life would be had I changed one little thing...
This is why I'm honestly and truly terrified of the future. I want to go back to school, I want to do well and better myself so I can have nice things and do more for the community at large and my family and friends. I'm just scared that it will be the same story of my life and that I will do something to screw it up. I don't want it to become true, but there's always that chance.
I wish I could be more active in the community. I really wish that I could do more for those around me. I don't know if people realize how much this life means to me. It's literally something I've grown up with, something I've been a part of since before I care to admit.
In all honesty, I'm scared that I've really screwed up some good things in my life. I wish I could take some of it back.
There are some things in life I really do wish I could do over again. I honestly feel like if someone tells you that they wouldn't change things at all, they're lying about something. I feel like some of my memories are really horrible, and it's mainly stuff I've done to other people. Most of my relationships that I've had it is hard for me to focus on the good memories because I am constantly wishing that I hadn't said or done the things that possibly made them end. I constantly second guess how different my life would be had I changed one little thing...
This is why I'm honestly and truly terrified of the future. I want to go back to school, I want to do well and better myself so I can have nice things and do more for the community at large and my family and friends. I'm just scared that it will be the same story of my life and that I will do something to screw it up. I don't want it to become true, but there's always that chance.
I wish I could be more active in the community. I really wish that I could do more for those around me. I don't know if people realize how much this life means to me. It's literally something I've grown up with, something I've been a part of since before I care to admit.
In all honesty, I'm scared that I've really screwed up some good things in my life. I wish I could take some of it back.
Sometimes, I feel the same way. But we're still young, and sometimes we needed those mistakes to learn from. (Life lessons - if they were really big mistakes). We just need to keep moving along because what's done is done. Don't live in the past or dwell on what could have been. Life's about experiencing and learning. Make sure that now you are utilizing your time/life wisely, we only live once.
At least that's what I tell myself, knowing how I've messed up in the past. You gotta have hope that you can become the person you want to be, and at the same time take real steps towards it.
If anyone says that they wouldn't change any of their past decisions, they're delusional. Everybody has screwed up and can say "Woulda Coulda Shoulda..." about lots of things. We just have to learn from what we've done. Don't stew over things and beat ourselves up about stuff we can't change now.
We can't let fear of the unknown, or of failure, or of repeating past mistakes paralyze us from moving forward or taking calculated risks. Bettering yourself isn't about gaining things. Success is about giving yourself choices - and being able to exercise the control you have over your own life. It's a challenge, but you're up for taking it on.